Thursday, December 30, 2004
I must say that I really hate being confused... more than anything, I hate not having something to look forward to. In anything that one does, usually there is the end result that one looks forward to. Well see that is the problem here, the end result will ultimately be heartache and more stress than I have previously known in my short, meager existance. I am having drama trying to decide what route i would like to take. It is so strange to me that I am even debating this because typically I am one that looks at the result NOW not the end result. But in this particular case, I seem to be more tied up with how it will leave me in 2 or 20 years from now. Why the hell should I even be concerned with 20 or more years from now... I just don't know. I want to say that it doesn't matter and that I am willing to take the risk, but I have a REAL difficult time taking a risk. When I am not certain that the outcome will be positive or even close, I usually end up saying no or doing something that WILL have a positive outcome. I still am left with myself and my children to look out for. Is that in their best interest? OmG I am so confused... WHy? WHy?? WHy???
I'm Happy Wondering....
You can't be serious. I had a thought tho. If a certain someone (we'll call this one Patty) asked me what I want for Christmas... This would be my reply: I want to love you. I want you to be happy and fulfilled. I want to dine with you at a fancy restaurant and laugh till our stomaches hurt. I want to walk with you on a country road until the sun goes down, holding hands and touching hearts. I want to create traditions of our own and break old ones. I want to watch the room brighten when you walk in. I want to feel your gentle breath on my neck as we slow dance to our song. I want to hold you in my arms until you (and my arm) drift off to sleep. I want to be the one you've dreamed of. I want to see your tears of sorrow, anger, and frustration replaced with tears of joy, happiness, and love. I want to feel your cold feet against my leg on a chilly evening, just to know that I make your life a little more comfortable. I want to share what life has to offer, with you. I want to enjoy new things and try all the old things again, just to do them this time, with you by my side. I want to enter your world, help where it is wanted, give support when it is needed, lend my shoulder when a tear is shed, and be a crutch whenever you feel weak. I want you to know that you are my happy thought. You have become my reason for smiling when I can think of nothing to smile about.
More on this later but for now... a little tidbit from a song by Good Charlotte called Wondering.
"If you want me to wait, I will wait for you.
If you tell me to stay, I would stay right through.
If you don't wanna say anything at all,
I'm happy wondering..."
These Feelings are HORRIBLE!
Before I get into the mainstay of this blog, let me first tell you about a conversation I had last night (and early this morning). It lasted 175 minutes and 8 seconds. For those of you that are bad at math, that is 2 hours 55 minutes and 8 seconds. HOLY CRAP! I have not talked to anyone for more than like 20 mins in SO long, I can't even remember the last time I had a 3 hour conversation. AND, what's strange is that I think she helped me figure some things out and I have a mock game plan. This may just be a good thing but we'll see. Okay, now back to the reason for this blog. I have discovered a part of me that I have referanced before but never really thought about until today on the way to work. I have always dated within my own mediocrity (I have said this before) BUT what I haven't noticed about myself was that it was also regarding living arrangements and financial situations. If I look at EVERY person that I have dated, it is ALL the same. Our jobs, payrate, type of vehicle, type of living situation, everything, even down to the brands of clothes we wear and where we get them at. Maybe the real problem is that I feel inadequate and doubtful. I am not sure if a woman that makes more money than I do, or drives a nicer car than I do, or lives in a better situation than I do can possibly love someone of lesser importance or significance. I know they say that love is blind, but humans are not. As much as I want to believe that superficial things like that don't matter, the truth is that to SOME people it is ALL that matters. I sometimes feel like I am not a productive member of society and that most of my time is spent fkn off. Sometimes I wonder why my own mother would even love me. There are days that I feel like I could do anything, and usually those days are because I have talked with someone that made me feel good, or got a smile from "her". I have yet to figure out why my days are so gloomy. I have to keep myself occupied so that I can even function. If I am busy with something, I usually don't think about things and feel ok. I struggle with self-worth and sometimes wonder why I am here. I usually end up thinking about my children and family and sometimes, it is more important than not being here. I also just have to say thank you to Kinipeli for her IM yesterday, she said that I am appriciated and loved. Heres hoping for a safe trip to Canada and an awesome time, please come back safely, I don't wanna know what life would be like without you two. It's friends like you that make my life a little easier. I sometimes wonder what I have done to deserve the friends that I have, they are all really good people and I love them all dearly. To all of my friends, I hope you have the BEST Christmas that money CAN'T buy! Know that you are all loved and missed in our time apart.
People typically use the word wonderful to describe something that was great, but if you break down the word into wonder and ful, meaning full of wonder, does it really mean good? Or just that you have pondered alot? I've had a wonderful day. I've had a day of pondering. Dunno what I spent time pondering but I sure wasted alot of time doing so. I do have good news tho, I just saved a bunch of money on my car insurance by switching to Geico. No, Not really, but I AM off probation next month and that kicks ass! I will soon be driving again too. Still hoping to be accepted into school and the waiting is gonna kill me! I swear, and know that I shouldn't. I smoke, and realize that it will give me cancer and/or emphasima. I drive too fast and listen to music too loud. I love rock/punk music and cuntry. I get bored too easily and occupy my mind with stupid physics calculations and thoughts of angles. I loved high school, even tho I was a nerd and only dated 4 people. I stress so much that it causes me to lose sleep. I am addicted to my computer and play games so much that I often don't get to sleep before 4 or 6 am. I love and need my parents so much that if they were to die today, I would kill myself tomorrow. I am selfish, except when it comes to my children or girlfriend. I love life and wish for it to end quickly, so that I may move on to something different. I don't even care if it's better or worse, just different. Not that I feel like I have experienced everything there is, but it would sure be nice not to worry about the millions of things that concern me now. I just wanna move on. This brings up another interesting topic, school. I feel that IF I can become a more productive member of society and gain an education worthy of calling a degree I will somehow bring new meaning to my life. Maybe it will remove some of the doubt and reservations that I have regarding productivity.
Last note for todays blog... rhetorical questions to the proverbial lover.
"If I hugged you, would you hold me tightly in your arms? If I loved you, would you return my love? If I kissed you, would you kiss me back?"
My Confession....
Ice got me hooked on a website about confessions, I added the link to my links on the left of the page. I have something that I would like to confess and I do it on my blog because, well, it's mine and if I gave a shit about who reads it, I wouldn't post anything here.
My Confession:
My only requirement for dating a woman is that she be skinny. The more slender the better. If I could import a wife from Ethiopia, believe me - I would, and graciously feed her two grains of rice every day with an ounce of water. And I would love her till she gained weight. I really hate being that superficial, and honestly, I would never leave her just because she gained weight. It's just that if laziness came with the weight gain... That's just too much to handle. I really don't care if she has big boobs or little boobs, and to tell you the truth, I prefer the smaller ones, cuz they don't rest on your lap when ya sit down. I also prefer a woman that is pleasant on the eyes, but I would willingly sacrifice that if she was slender. There is a reason that this has all come about and it really has little to do with the fact that I am a proclaimed A$$LOL. I was married (choke, gasp, cough, repeat) to a whale. As soon as I can get my hands on a pic of the whale, I will be sure to post it. **UPDATED WITH PICTURE**
I also confess that I once loved my ex-whale, even after she PACKED on 100+ pounds and became lazy as fk. I loved her because she is the mother of my children and because she is the woman I chose to marry. I realize now that I made a mistake that I will pay for till my children are all 18+ and I will have to put up with her until I am dead, and maybe longer once I go to hell and I'm forced to re-marry her.
There, I did it, got that off my chest, not that I feel better but it sure didn't hurt as bad as I thought it would.
Can't wait for hell.... Bring it on. JSM
Christmas, Already?!
I just got back from a "Christmas Party" where there was poker, karaoke, laughing and good conversation. It was awesome, but it brought about an interesting discussion, that is a little superfluous for me. I am usually the one that seems to know the "why" and "how" things happen. This left me clueless. It regarded love in a light I have never considered. Love, not like 'the one that got away' but more 'the one that you got away from.' Much in the same sense tho. When you think of 'the one that got away' it is usually longingly. "Whatever happened to so-and-so? We would have been awesome!" Do you ever think that you may have been the 'so-and-so'? Like, what happened to the one that wanted me, but I didn't want her? NO! Because, as humans, we are so stuck on ourselves and our own stupidity to even give a shit if it was someone that we didn't want to be around. This brings me to my next point, what if there were many people out there, thinking the same thing about you? Whatever happened to the JSM? Maybe YOU are the one that got away from them? The one that they would have been awesome with, but they fkd off and didn't say something or do anything to get your attention. Maybe it was someone you didn't even notice, or maybe you did notice them and chose to ignore them. What if you could have been something great? The next Donnie and Marie? K, on second thought, they were related, and that's just plain nasty anyway! Perhaps the next Bonnie and Clyde? OK, yeah, no, they were psychopaths and retards. So I admit it, I can't think of a good couple right now, but you get the damn point! I guess what I'm really getting at is that everyone has someone that got away. Someone that they just couldn't approach or couldn't talk to or couldn't become more than friends with. Do ya see my point? Good.
New Appeal, New Face
I have changed my site, as you can see... Please comment and let me know if you liked the old page better than the new. I would like to know so I can continue to give you the most pleasant view of my website as possible. Please comment so I can take a poll to which is better... Do you like the new or the old?
Wow, that's messed up!
I just now realized that I misspelled "tow" and used the word "toe" to describe the action of moving ones vehicle with the use of another, usually larger, vehicle. As it is now it would be using ones foot digit to relocate a vehicle. Could that be a retards way of towing a car? Kick it till it moves? "I'm gonna TOE your car!" Should I be expecting a scratch? Or maybe a small toe-shaped dent? Or what?? What are you exactly gonna do to my car? HOLY CRAP, that is funny! I can be a very retard sometimes. hehehe, So anyway, just thought I should point that out.
Moving on, again, again. I have decided that it is best to quit quitting smoking. That sounds retarded too. But in leu of that, I have also decided that I will be going back to school, I have been debating this for 9 years now, and it never seems to be the right time. It never will be either. So, I'm just gonna do it. Get enrolled and just GO. GO NOW! DO IT! And not look back. Head first, jump in, move on, and just freakin do it! I may end up flat on my face, but this is something that I just have to do and should have done so many years ago. (To my Master Teacher) Thanks for pushing me. I need a nudge occasionally. For oppressed toes everywhere, I will press on!
Do You Enjoy It????
I don't know about anyone else but I really REALLY enjoy smoking (cigarettes). There is just something about it that makes me feel alive. It allows me to push thru another day of lonliness and wasted time. Another day of random stupidity. Another day of absolute loathing. I really can't decide if I hate myself or if I hate that I have decided to quit smoking. It's almost like I (my needs based me) thinks smoking is bad for me and I should quit, the rest of me (my wants based me) thinks that there is NOTHING wrong with it. Your gonna die anyway, why not enjoy your life and do what you want, especially if your gonna die anyway? See what I'm saying? What's the point of looking good or feeling good if your fat and don't feel good anyway? And sometimes I'm not only talking about a physical feel good but an emotional feel good too. How many of us Always do things that will make us feel better? When was the last time you ate too many carbs, fat, or sweets? Smoking is just like that for me. It feels like just another thing that I do that is not healthy... Will it eventually kill me? Duh, but so will three million other things! I can't help but feel that IF I quit smoking there will (eventually) become a time when I do not crave them as much and a time when I do not want the smell around me and do not want the coughing, gagging, hacking. Oh but I love the way it feels going down and circulating thru my blood.... oh just thinking of it makes me want one even worse. I can hardly breathe when I think about my smoggy sue. I miss her. I want her back... OH BOY! I need to slow the fk down, breathe in and out and take it easy. I don't need to smoke, it is a worthless addiction that is nasty and smelly. I don't need it. I DON"T! I DON'T!!! Nor do I want it. I do, I really want one really REALLY BAD! Especially now that I have the WORST news in the WORLD! From GT5000. WHY?! Whhhhyyyyyyyyy?!?!?! OMFG! I'm gonna kill myself. I need a smog. Really!
So if rumor is true, my life is just about to get SO much worse. OMFG! So much worse. I cannot even explain because I am not "suppose" to know. Hmm It is really kewl tho that I do. Thanks to the little bird! Music is helping me stay sane... I can do this. I CAN DO ANYTHING! I really feel no differant today tho than I did yesterday. Other than I am more itchy (nervous like) and can't sit still. Maybe deep down smoking is my way of dealing with ADHD that I have been hiding well for the last 14 years. Wow, I am freakin out eh? I am tired and wired at the same time. I wanna smoke and don't. This is so confusing and disturbing that my body is fighting over itself. This will be the third (I think) time that I have tried to quit. I never quit for the right reasons but let me ask you this, IS there any WRONG reason to quit smoking. Maybe if you quit to start doing LSD then maybe that would be a bad reason. Otherwise it is pretty okay for whatever reason, RIGHT? So I guess it really doesn't matter then, just a matter of how I see it and what I see will happen and where I want to take my life after this. I really hope that I can move on past the smoking thing because it is so difficult to say to someone that you really care about health when you don't exercise and you smoke and drink WAY too much. Ya see what I'm dealing with here. I am nothing but a two faced smoker who can't even seem to keep on one track with that either. I would not want my future wife to smoke.... it is really a discusting habit, and it stinks. I would smoke and not allow her to??? Fer real? I am an ass. I cannot have discrepancies like that allowed. That is no way to have a relationship. I have a lot more improving to do before I think I will be ready for any kind of relationship. It will be fun to watch me change, I wish I could do it as an outsider. Changing from the inside is completely differant and a lot more complicated that it sounds. Especially from an outsiders standpoint. Think of it like this, chances are high that if you are reading my blog you are white. Try changing THAT! That is about what if feels like... someone is taunting me... become a black man.... become a mexican't.... become someone you are not. I am striving to become someone I want to be. Behaviors are the easy thing to change too... it's the thoughts that provoke the behaviors that are more complicated to change and seem to last forever and ever. I want to change those too. It does no good to change the behavior if, it comes back depending on circumstance. You have to change the thoughts and provocations behind the behaviors to actually change the behaviors. Wish me luck.
Thanks JSM
LOOK ----------------->
Just look at my scroll bar!!! IT IS NOT NORMAL!!! YEAH! I DID IT! I really can do anything! Oh it is good to be ME! Bow down to me, bow before the almighty JSM! J/K But really I AM AWESOME! Thank you, Thank you.... please hold your applause. A collection plate will be going around shortly.
NO! Don't Toe My Car!!!
Also, you may all remember my stunt, but for those that don't remember, or would like a refresher course... here it is.
Several months back I was written up at work for some bogus shit that I really did but was no where near worth a write up. This happened twice, the culprit was my ex-trainer, codenamed-Tron. So, I had to plot revenge. Thru some active detective work and the handywork of one of her close friends (right) I found out who she has her car loan thru. It was a local credit union that my sister just so happen to work at. I mocked up a repo letter from the bank. But I knew that Tron is not one to be late on car payments, so it had to be something REALLY sneaky. INSURANCE! I made the letter sound like there was a certain type of loan insurance that was not completed on the vehicle and gave a nice sob story about, "We regret to inform you that..." blah, blah, blah, "Your vehicle is being reposessed. If you have any questions please call us at..." Upon completion of the letter I handed it to her supervisor and had him say it was "dropped off at the front desk" He graciously did so. When she opened the letter, there was a toe truck (all pranked up by me) getting ready to toe her vehicle. She breifly read the letter and swore at the top of her lungs, and quickly ran to the rear entrance of the building where she had parked, right in front of the back doors (also carefully planned). Where she witnessed the grill of a flat-bed toe truck getting ready to hook up, and toe her car away. She quickly came back in and (swearing the whole while) stated she was going to call the bank. I quickly interupted and informed her that it was all a gag and that you don't fk with the jap, cuz he'll get you (and it will look like an accident)! I love being ME!
Dating? Online?? Fer Real???
I was browsing online dating sites. You know, it is very strange that every single woman on every single site seems to be the "perfect" woman. I am positive that they are doing a little misrepresentation of character. I am also positive that there are no perfect women out there. Everyone has their flaws, granted tho, some have larger flaws than others. Some even have more flaws than they know about. All I am getting at is that if you wish to meet someone that is truly compatible, you have to be honest. Lies, deceit, misinformation and misrepresentation will not form a good basis for a relationship. Quit being a FKN retard and portray an honest image of yourself! That is the ONLY way that you can have a fulfilling relationship.
Moving on. The internet is so vast that it is starting to make me crazy! There is so much to do online and so little time. I want to explore things that I have never seen before. I want to learn about firewire networking, optical drives, power supplies, nuclear reactors, firestone tires, and muscle cars, but there is so little time to do it all in. This is the reason I hate working. It seems that so often I prefer not to be bothered by "the little people" and all of their problems. I would much rather be consumed in my own pitiful life and not have to worry about anyone. I would become a hermit if I wasn't addicted to socialization and modern conveniences. I love having light when I want it, heat, AC, vehicles, food (without having to kill it or pick it), and all of the little things that money gets, like silverware, cookware, clothes, shoes (nice shoes btw), and the not-so-little things, like amusement parks, malls, walmart, trains. I think you get the point tho.
Moving on again. I had words with Ice, who stated that I remind her of one of my elder brothers. This is very concerning to me because, I know that he is an ass. I know that I too, am an ass, but (hehehe butt) prefer not to be known as such. I am trying desperately to change my image and rely on no assness. Some of the image of my brother must be fairly good cuz she was with him for sum 41 years or so. It's not ALL bad I'm sure. Ice, I HATE YOU for even making me think about this shit! I have more important things to debate and concern myself with. DAMNIT!
Moving on again, again. I got a bonus on my last paycheck of $121.00. That was nice... sept that they took it away from me and left me to ROT! You Bastards! They killed Kenny!
Oh, I did NOT just do THAT!!!
But, alas, I did. I made a dirty deal with the Debo. I have sold my soul to Satan! I have done the dead with Diablo and laughed ludicrously with Lucifer. I have the stamp on my hand to prove it. I have no freakin clue where that came from, but I love the way it sounds... Just rolls off the tounge, nice and easy. Still don't know where it came from tho. Oh and by the way, word to the makers of the SpiroGraph and the Etch-a-Sketch, magnificant contraptions.
No Time, No Blog
It seem that with the return of Takara that I would be able to blog more frequently or at least once in a while. That is not the case, at least not yet. I have spent so much time configuring stuff and reloading drivers and software that it is difficult to find time to even play, although, the other night I played with her for 23 hours straight (minus a 45 min nap). It was AWESOME! I love that puter. Even if I have to retrain her everything. She now boots much faster tho. It is kinda wierd because she has a cheap board in her. She should be booting slower. I will not question that which is good. Just accept it and move on. I will work on that. Today and forever. Acceptance will forever be a work in progress. I love progress and sometimes the anti progress also called congress (meaning NO progress) or regress (reducing what progress was made). It's kinda strange.
I am finding a new "spice" to life. It's seems to be more about what you give than get, and what you are willing to forgive than resent. I vow to make life more livable.
Brain Surgery Gone Awry
OMG, So much to tell, so little time. As you all know well by now, Takara, was having some issues. She is now feeling better and up and running but at much cost. It has been a week of torment and anxiety for both of us. In lieu of recent transpirations, I am not going into the medical field of study. I am not meant to be a doctor. Takara no longer knows who she is. Her brain has been completely erased and reformatted. Alas, the Takara I came to know and love is no longer. She is now a faster, sleeker version of the same person and I will grow to love her after-market makeover. She is like a dumb blonde now. Knows nothing and does half what I ask of her to. It's okay tho, I will train her to be the ferocious freight train that she once was. All is well. I have spent two days now installing new software and getting all the drivers for the hardware updated. I didn't realize how much I went thru over the years to get that pc where it was. I will always miss the Takara I grew to love. The new Takara is good and all but we had something special. And that is irreplaceable.
She's BaaaAAAAAaaack!
Oh the genocide that would have taken place. I do not wish to see people die. I broke. I had to do it. I had to. You don't understand what it's like. I have a very good analogy tho, consider this, you have an itch. Don't scratch it. Think about it. Think about it till it goes away. Don't touch it. Just think about it. That is pretty close to what it is like for me not to have my precious. It's alot like having an itch on your back that you cannot get to, no one is around to scratch it for you and nothing to scratch it with. I broke. I purchased a cheap board (to be replaced at a later date). It was like putting a used heart into a dying woman. It will not last long but it will get her by until she can be upgraded to a titanium, diamond plated, gold laced one that works better. She is back. Still some work to be done to re-secure all of my normal drivers and hardware. A welcome effort when compared to being without. Ice requested a TV show be recorded, tonight! OMG! This means that I have to push aside all other repairs and issues, work on gettin my TiVo working and get to recording. Hmmm, Maybe I should charge her for this.... I could make millions, hmmm weird.
A white man once told me that I am brazen. Brazen! ME, Of all the people. I, of course, had words for him. Me, pfft, right. By defenition, brazen is: Marked by flagrant and insolent audacity. OMG!!!! I'm gonna kick his ass!!! FKR!!
Monday, November 29, 2004
I am having withdrawal symptoms. I miss her. Rest in peace my love. It's not fair! Know this, when Takara is resurrected from the grave, it will be a glorious day, a union of servant and master, the rejoining of what was never meant to be apart. There will be much rejoicing. Happiness will spread thru the land and all will be in balance again. I think that is enough to give you the idea that it kinda sucks to be without. I thought going without sex was bad, this is worse. It's almost like having 200 filters and no tobacco. Yup, that bad!
Surgery Failed... Takara is DEAD!!
The open heart surgery that was performed seemed to be a success, but early yesterday Takara died from infection in the motherboard. She contracted BIOSitis sometime during the operation and it was not caught soon enough. Even thru multiple tests and several doses of antivirus medication she still did not make it thru. I shed a tear for my beloved. She will be dearly missed. I think I may be able to revive her with a transplant, but alas, money is short and a transplant may take months. :'( Takara you will be missed.
Oh the pleasure.
I am pleased that many people find humor in my entries. I appriciate it even more when I see a comment. Please comment while your here. Let me know that you liked or disliked a certain post, and how you feel about the overall "appeal" of my blog. If you have any ideas to improve it, I would welcome those as well. Please also feel free to email me using the "JSM's Links" dropdown menu on the left.
Again, thank you for visiting, I hope you enjoyed your stay.
- Lil JSM
How shit happens
In the beginning there was a plan. Then came the assumptions. The plan was without substance. The assumptions were without form. Darkness was upon the face of the workers.
And they spoke amongst themselves saying: "It is a crock of shit and it stinketh!"
And the workers went unto their Supervisors and said: "It is a pail of dung and none may abide the odour thereof!"
And the Supervisors went unto their Managers saying: "It is a container of excrement and it is very strong, Such that none may abide by it!"
And the Managers went unto the Management Committee saying: "It is a vessel of fertilizer and none may abide its strength!"
And the Management Committee spoke amongst itself saying unto one another: "It contains that which aids plant growth and it is very strong!"
And the Management Committee gave counsel unto the Vice Presidents saying unto them: "It promotes growth and it is very powerful!"
And the Vice Presidents went unto the President saying unto him: "This new plan will activily promote the growth and vigour of the company with powerful effects!"
And the President looked upon the plan and saw that it was good. And so the plan became policy.
And that is how shit happens.
CLEAR!!! **ZAP** CLEAR!!! **ZAP**
I got up the other day and turned Takara on. Little did I know that the video processor was awaiting the ultimate demise of Takara. She had a little bit of a lull in her voltage. Immediately, a surgury was scheduled. Her vessels were clogging, not enough current was getting thru. In the middle of the operation, a tear came from my eye as I made the first incision. With the help of some advanced medical equipment, such as my side cutter and wire stripper, Takara is on the road to recovery. All tests conclude that normal voltage is once again flowing thru her veins. We expect that she will make a full and unprecedented recovery. Welcome back Takara! We have missed you!
Disclaimer - That about covers it.
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Mourning the Loss.
I finished my sisters wedding DVD... only took me 3 FREAKIN MONTHS! GD I bet she's pissed. eeeee gads. Her only conselation is that it was FREE! So no bitchin about it. Actually she seems very pleased to see the finished result, FINALLY! SO I am just copying them and labeling them and she can HAVE EM! I sick of working on it.
Today has been a very interesting day. I actually woke up before my alarm went off. Talk about surprize. That never happens. Today is oddly slow too. Work is usually VERY busy on mondays... today not so much. I had a leasurly time getting ready for work, a couple of smogs, a glass o' Mtn Dew and another leasurly smog. Now it is 3:30, I have been at work since 9:30, and I am hungry. I still have yet to take my lunch break and could really use one right about now.
It's 6:15 and I just got back from my hour and a half lunch break... OMG! I hope that trouble does not come to be because of that. ;) So, here I am, still haven't eaten, didn't have time while out, and STARVING!
6:35 half a burger down. feeling a little better.
6:49 burger complete, hunger issue resolved.
This is such a retarded post, I almost didn't publish it. BUT, then I thought about all of the retarded posts that I've published and said, Hmmm Weird! And published it anyway! Hope you enjoyed it. Come again soon and have a nice day.
Wax, anyone??
As a young child I learned, from an abusive father and a co-dependant mother, that I could do no right. It seems that I have carried that with me, even today as I type. It makes me feel easily rejectable. I know I am good enough, that's not the problem, it's what I think others think of me. That in turn, makes my employment of sociability very weak. I feel subnormal. I know that others opinions only matter as much as putting wax on toast, but still, I cannot help going over them in my head, what seems like, a million times a day. Even little things seem to trigger some thought or emotion of unstablity. I am on a quest to find out who I am. This is part of me. I am digging into my patterns and behaviors to find out what makes me tick. Welcome to Lil JSM 101.
Enter, wax toast. Things that most people do not even think about, I do. Things that most people overlook, I see. Things that most people cannot feel, I oversensitize. By these three statements it seems that I am a very analytical person, and that I am. It also seems to me that I believe only what I can see, verify, justify, or sense. It was said once that people will believe any given idea or myth if they either fear it to be true or want it to be true. I fear that I may become a social outcast, the more I fear that, the more it seems to come true. I was talking with an old friend (ShadowWolf) who told me to step outside my comfort zone. I am trying to do that once a day. It seems to help my fear of rejection. The more I approach a previously intolerable situation, the easier it becomes. As I am sure with anything, practice makes imperfect a little more sustainable, because of your personal confidence level.
Furthermore, I realize that I have very little tact (except when demanded of me by employment or pious socialization.) I also realize that I am normaly precieved as a complete jerk. I have no intention of being an ass, REALLY, it's usually in joking (non-tactfully of course) or sarcasm. So maybe I should focus a little more on changing the joking/sarcastic attitude to a more humble, reserved, tactful demeanor. Much more to discover I'm sure. More on this topic later too.
OMG Morning Already....
So I got to bed at the usual time, you know, 6 am. I get woke up at 9:30 by my mother who is asking me to watch my nephew for a few hours or an hour or day or something, so I do the only thing I can and agree to watch him. How am I to wake up tho? The answer.... Good Charlotte! "Girls Don't Like Boys, Girls Like Cars and Money" "Bloody Valentine" and "The Anthem" What better way to get your blood flowing after only 3 hours of sleep? I can't think of anything better, well except sex, that would have done better. So Yeah... I'm awake, and becoming more awake as I listen to the muZac. By the way, that was the MOST AWESOME concert EVER!!!
Engineering Conversions
Ratio of an igloo's circumference to its diameter: Eskimo Pi
2000 pounds of Chinese soup: Won ton
1 millionth of a mouthwash: 1 microscope
Time between slipping on a peel and smacking the pavement: 1 bananosecond
Weight an evangelist carries with God: 1 billy-gram
Time it takes to sail 220 yards at 1 nautical mile per hour: Knot-furlong
365.25 days of drinking low-calorie beer because it's less filling: 1 lite year
16.5 feet in the Twilight Zone: 1 Rod Serling
Half of a large intestine: 1 semicolon
1000 aches: 1 kilohurtz
Basic unit of laryngitis: 1 hoarsepower
Shortest distance between two jokes: A straight line. (think about it for a moment)
453.6 graham crackers: 1 pound cake
1 million microphones: 1 megaphone
1 million bicycles: 2 megacycles
2000 mockingbirds: two kilo mockingbirds
10 cards: 1 decacards
1 kilogram of falling figs: 1 Fig New Ton
1000 cubic centimeters of wet socks: 1 literhosen
1 millionth of a fish: 1 microfiche
1 trillion pins: 1 terrapin
10 rations: 1 decoration
100 rations: 1 C-ration
2 monograms: 1 diagram
8 nickels: 2 paradigms
3 statute miles of intravenous surgical tubing at Yale University Hospital: 1 I.V. League
Takara - Precious Object
Yes, I think Takara will be appropriate. I'll pronounce it T-uh-car-uh and it will be grand. So yes, I think it will be grand. Good name and good meaning.
In other news, I completely missed my appointment with the court advocacy group that was today at 1:30. Yeah, they were gonna change my child support amount but I missed the DAMN appointment! OMG! I can't believe I am such a RETARD! DAMN IT! So, she finally called me back to reschedule for Tuesday. Hopefully, I will remember, no in fact I know I will, I just programed the day and time into my phone so it will remind me the day before and the day of. I WILL NOT FORGET! This is TOO important!
I also found out that whale lost her job... appearantly the boss thought she was misusing company time or falsifying her timecard or something similar to that... MUAHAHAHA!!!! Oh, I am a firm believer now, "What comes around, goes around." It is sweet to be on the other end. See, the whole time we were married, it was always me that had to deal with the stress of a job and worry about the income and rent and maintenance of vehicles and all the little shit. Well, not anymore. I have my own shit to worry about and being employed, yup, that's not one of them. So that's nice, the coin is tossed, heads, I win!
I got a new issue of a magazine that I subscribe to, geek porn called MaximumPC. It always comes with a CD with game demos and nifty utilities on it. I installed this one that tweaks windows settings and stuff. One of the tweaks was changing the name on the Internet Explorer window to say "Microsoft Internet Explorer provided by Lil JSM" It's PIMP!! I also changed my Media Player to say "Lil JSM's Media Player!" Oh yeah, I am PIMP! Other than that I also, put a script at the very beginning when my computer boots up that says, "This computer is for the use of the one and ONLY Lil JSM. Use of this computer requires the complete verbal and written consent of the owner (Lil JSM). Violations will be prosecuted to the fullest extent of the law accomodated by the Privacy Act of 1994, Article 4, Section 2a, Paragraph 22, A maximum penalty (not to exceed) 10 years in minimum security prison and a fine (not to exceed) $10,000." I love it! I made so many changes that I can't even remember the other ones, but those are the kewl ones.
In other, other news a white man was shot today while doing the dishes. The estranged housewife, originally from Ribgy, ID, claims, "He was mocking me, so I shot him." The man had no comment.
In other, other, other news a mexi-man was arrested for molesting a burrito in the parking lot of Jalisco's (a local restaurant). The man said, "That burrito was asking for it. You can't smother yourself in enchilada sauce and NOT expect to get molested." He is now serving time in jail.
That's it for todays news. Please join us tomorrow for the unveiling of Doctor JSM, the darker side of the JSM's.
Oh So Nice!
Another day in paradise! I went to my PO's office yesterday and had to do a drug test. WTF? ME? Drugs? Yeah, right. That's like me getting sex and like wiping before you poop. Don't make no sense. But, I agreed, cuz what other choice do I have? Go to jail for refusing a drug test? DUH! That's a no-brainer! I'm not a freakin retard! Stupid, yes. Retard, no. Don't laugh. There is a difference! So yeah. I just wanna know why! WHY? Am I an easy target? Do I look like a fkn retard?
Oooo Ooooo
I almost forgot. Grass and I got together last night and played some gameage! It was AWESOME! We kick ass! We played online mostly with UT2004. Played some C&C Generals Zero Hour (a good game as always) and some PTTM (an awesome game too). I enjoy our time together, we have been friends for, well EVER, and don't have much time to play. I know, I sound like a 4 year old... I wanna game with my friend. That's all! Just once in a while I would like to have some time with him. Is it wrong of me? Maybe he should be spending every waking hour working or with his wife. I feel it's important to get out once in a while and do something different. Even if that is mind-numbing games and stupid chit-chat. Personally, I know of many healthy relationships that both parties have time away from the other, besides work. Hobbies, friends, social events and all kinds of things that they do besides "be" with each other.
Okay, moving on. So I am continuing to read this book... it seems to take me forever to get thru it. I end up reading like 50 to 120 pages and then rereading it because it didn't quite sink in. AND this is the third time I have read this book. You would think that I would be able to understand the book completely after the third time thru... not so fast. Again, I am stupid. I do NOT understand everything I read the first twelve times that I read it. Sometimes it takes a little longer for me, such as rereading it fourteen times for each of the twelve times that I've read it. The book is just complicated. It must be written at an eighth grade reading level and
that is a little tough to understand sometimes. I don't know how the eighth graders do it. Don't laugh, stupidity is not funny. Well, yeah, usually it is, I'm sorry. Don't laugh at me! Unless it's funny. Then I don't mind. Like Japa-knees. That shit is funny!
So I was reading thru some blogs and happened upon several that asked me to install an ActiveX control. After like the third or so, I thought, "It must be legit." So, I did what every retard in my position would have done and I downloaded it. THREE viruses and 199 malicious spy ware later, I finally got rid of it (fingers crossed) I think. My computer has been okay so far. I've decided also that as much time as I spend with my computer, it must be a female, so I'm giving her a name. Now to think of a good one. It has to be exotic. Something like Veronica, no that sucks ass. Alexis... no. I NEED TO THINK OF A NAME!
I found some Jap names and meanings
MIYA: temple; sacred house
TAKARA: treasure; precious object
What do I want....
So I don't have a set schedule at work yet. I only know what days I am suppose to work not the exact times. I know that I work 5 hours on saturday, but no set hours. So, I came in when I pleased, and will leave when my 5 hours is up. Hummm sweet.
I have, of course, been reading Life 101, in this it asks the question, "what do you want?" So, I am comprising a list, in no particular order of the things I want.
I want: a good computer, a nice car, a home, a set of contacts, a firewire scanner, a digital camera, a digital video camera, income, outgo, things to laugh about, more clothes, endless Mountain Dew, a VCR/DVD/Reciever/Dolby DSS System combo, a friend/lover/companion/slave/cook/maid/mechanic/pool buddy/chauffeur/bread winner/intuitive thinker/whoman, to inherit or win several million dollars.
I want to be: a programmer, a network tech, a program analysist, the CEO of a huge successful website selling computers/parts/periferals, wealthy (not rich).
I want to maintain (or keep healthy): my relationship with my children, my dog, my family, my friends.
TOTALLY!
I totally just saw HER! OMG! I about lost it! It was AWESOME! hmm
You know, that brings me to an interesting point tho, the power of infatuation, lust, longing, and voyerism. What would life be like if everyone looked the same, if there were no one that you were particularly interested in or no eye candy? How lame! That would fk off! AND would be lame! I am continuingly ecstatic that I have been blessed in the way of eye candy. Lord, I thank thee. For it will come to pass that life will improve as eye candy becomes evermore prevalent. I read that in the bible. I DID! The bible of LilJSM, also known as Blog. I also have read that life is what you make of it. Hmmm, I cannot stop. I must stop. Must? I don't like that word, it makes me religious. Or maybe I mean rebellious. Yes, that is it. Rebellious. Must, sucks ass. I hate must. How bout, could. I like that word better. I could stop. No, that has no authority to it. I "could" fk off. But I mustn't. I hate that word too. Should. No, that word sucks ass too. This is turning into a systematic analysis of connotations and denotations, synonyms and antonyms. What is one to do. I am not willing to continue to go there. I am sorry, this blog is officially over.
I can't find her
I have been looking for her all day today. She is not here! I can't find
her. I will look more tomorrow. And every day from then on. I MUST see her
again! MUST! That was beauty that has yet to be given an appropriate word.
That kind of beauty is enuf to make an ogre week at the knees.
So, first day at "new" job taking calls. Not so bad, I have SO much time
between calls, and btw NO STRESS! This is amazing. I am glad that I have had
the opportunity to realize what stress at a job really is. I don't think I
had a clue. I was fearing my job every day that I was there (exept while
training). That my friends, is stress. Not knowing from one day to the next,
if you are gonna be there the next month or week or day. That, and there is
something to be said about lack of assistance and the stress that comes from
being told nine thousand things that you should remember, and when you
forget something, getting written up for doing it wrong. Oh but I did fully
enjoy the 3 week vacation I had. That was SO nice!
Is it possible??
I would say the answer is no. But today I think I have to rethink the question. The question is this. Is is possible to look so much like someone else (without being twins) that others cannot tell the difference? Almost everything about all of us is unique, right? The way we speak, our gestures, mannerisms, tone and inflection, and all of the others things that make up who we are as individuals. Look at the picture below. You tell me if all 4 women are the same person.
In fact, no, they are not the same person. They are two different people. The bottom three pics are of the very lovely Tara Reid (pics courtesy of Lil JSM's search efforts), and the top pic is an equally attractive young hottie that I work with. Although, it almost fooled me! That and I could not stop staring at her! She probably thinks I'm some kinda freak. (Don't even say it, shut up, shut up. I know I am, that's not the point) The smile, skin tone, complexion, hair color(s), eye color, body shape, height, age, cheek bones, lips, nose, teeth, skull shape, EVERYTHING is the SAME!! I about fkn lost it! (I seem to do that alot lately.) What a beautiful woman! OMG! This my fine and worthy friends is PURE BEAUTY at its finest. OHHH, pure unadulterated lusciousness. Doth my eyes deceive me? Is it possible? TWO WOMEN IN THIS SMALL WORLD THAT ARE THAT HOT?! And I thought the world could only handle one. I was mistaken, for that I appologize. I would allow for her to rape me as punishment. Yup, that would be acceptable. Maybe a little too severe, how bout a nice spankin and sex afterwards. That sounds better.
JSM - Out
ONE YEAR!
It has been ONE ENTIRE YEAR since I started my blog. WOW, I have been bitching for that long? Sweet!
Acceptance
Acceptance is not a state of passivity or inaction. I am not saying you can't change the world, right wrongs, or replace evil with good. Acceptance is, in fact, the first step to successful action. If you don't fully accept a situation precisely the way it is, you will have difficulty changing it. Moreover, if you don't fully accept the situation, you will never really know if the situation should be changed.
When you accept, you relax; you let go; you become patient. This is an enjoyable (and effective) place for either participation or departure. To stay and struggle (even for fun things: how many times have you tried really hard to have a good time?), or to run away in disgust and/or fear is not the most fulfilling way to live. One or the other, however, is the inevitable result of nonacceptance.
Take a few moments and consider a situation you are not happy with--not your greatest burden in life, just a simple event about which you feel peeved. Now accept everything about the situation. Let it be the way it is. Because, after all, it is that way, is it not? Also, if you accept it, you will feel better about it.
After accepting it, and everything about it, you probably still won't like it, but you may stop hating and/or fearing it. At least you will hate it or fear it a little less.
That's the true value of acceptance: you feel better about life, and about yourself. Everything I've said about acceptance also applies to things you have done (or failed to do). In fact, everything I've said about acceptance applies especially to your judgments of you.
All the things you think you should have done, and all the things you think you shouldn't have done, accept them. You did (or didn't) do them. That's reality. That's what happened. No changing the past. You can struggle with the past or pretend it didn't happen or you can accept it. I suggest the latter.
-Peter McWilliams, Life 101
One final thought from Lowbrow.com-
Flying down the verbal freeway at about 100 billion words per minute, she says something about "jilling off". I stop her to ask if I heard it right.
"Yeah, I said jilling off"
"So what the fuck is jilling off?"
"You know.. Jack and Jill went up the hill...? Guys jack off, so girls..."
OMG! I LMMFAO FER DAYS!
Fuck you and the horse you came in on...
This is a phrase from a book that I am reading called Life 101. Actually this is the third time I have read this book. It is a good book, all about making yourself a better person. Part of the book talks about raising children. I believe that I am a good father to my children. Even when they do things they know they shouldn't do, they know that I will always love them, no matter what. After being punished (the dreaded time out) my middle child came up to me and gave me a hug. He's two. Yet he knows that when mommy hates him, he can call me and I will love him despite what he has done. Usually it makes me smile cuz he made the whale mad... HEHEHE. Whale, fuck you and the horse you came in on! Children though, will often think of the bad things they have done and the negative reaction that was caused and think that they can do no good. My children know that when they are with me, they can do no wrong. If something is broken (unless it's my computer) I don't have a fit. I just emphasize that they are okay and all things are replacable, exept for them. Spills can be cleaned up, blood stains. I don't say that to be cold, I would rather have something spilled than the blood of my children. My thought on the whole thing is that if something is broken or spilled or messed up, it can be cleaned or repaired or replaced, my children cannot. I try to remind myself of that at 3am when I get ripped out of a deep sleep by a kick in the groin from my sleeping 2 year old. Smile and go back to sleep after THAT! I think you get my point tho... my children are priceless to me and irreplacable, as such I treat them like they should be treated, more precious and fragile than the finest china or fastest computer.
I just got a call from Ice, who I sent a picture to. The picture? The whale. "OMG" was the only thing she could say. For all of my readers out there let me just say this, I call it WHALE for a reason. Not because I am an ass (which I am), and not because she is nondeserving of it (she is), it's because she is FKN HUGE! I am not a small person, and she dwarfs me! HUGE! Thank god that I don't have to say, "No, you don't look fat in THAT!" while thinking, " Ya look FAT in EVERYTHING!" hehehe
This, is a long one.
I will begin this blog with the reason I am writing it. Why? Because everyone wants to know why. I came across this book that sparked an interest in me to find out how I can make myself a better person thru careful consideration of my past, present, and all the things that shape that which I am. I will start with this; I am myself, the only one who is true to me. My surroundings constantly affect my thoughts and feelings. The few people that I call friends are also guilty by association. I heard once that you should not base your emotional stability or satisfaction on your environment. As difficult as that is, I believe that it is possible. When I say possible, I do not mean probable. This is because, for me, I continuously look to my surroundings to make my life seem simpler or less stressful. Is this where I go wrong? I am sure that everyone does this. Weather it is a “Zen” type surrounding, mood music, getting out, or simply closing your eyes to escape, I am sure that everyone allows their environment to affect behaviors and feelings. These feelings or attitude adjustments should really start from within. I realize that, and how difficult that can be, especially when your surroundings are far more intense than the given norm. I think that in my situation, my surroundings always seem to fall in a category outside the norm. My stress also increases because of my surroundings or situation. If that were the case then a new norm would be set, it is the law of averages. If we give stress a number and the average is five. Say your typical stress load seems to be a seven. Your average would then be closer to seven. I want to believe that my average stress load is still a five, but it seems to increase with each passing day. I have not learned any new coping skills to deal with it, I use the same ones that have gotten my by this far in life. However, it does make sense that with the increase in stress, there should also be an increase in coping skills to deal with it. Right? You cannot increase output from a factory without increasing workers. Where does one purchase more coping skills? I think I saw some on EBay. I am going to grow old before my time, and it will be due to stress and lack of coping skills. I am an analytical person. I have to know why. I have to make sense of something before I will passively comply. People with my type of personality are generally “know-it-alls.” I do not believe that I am, but I have no opinion other than my own to base that on. There are many things that I do to relieve myself of stress. Being analytical is one of them. Thinking about the source of the stress seems to help. At least that way I feel like I understand it and therefore make it less stressful. Other things that I do include: playing games, shopping, sleeping, talking or bitching about the problem, blogging, driving, attempting to forget it, getting out of the house, and being with other people. I used to have sex to relieve stress, but that kind of died after the divorce. Some of these things are effective for me, but only to a level 5 stressor. Beyond that, I have no way to cope. Up until about four years ago, the largest stressor in my life was only a four. Now that I have stress that rates a seven to nine, I definitely need new ways to deal with it. PLEASE let me know if you have any ideas. I am willing to learn and try new things.Life is not easy. Life is not hard. I firmly believe that life is what you make it, make of it, or mold it to be. You are the only one who can decide what your attitude will be like. Others may affect your decision, but ultimately you decide how you feel and behave. I have always believed that ‘what comes around goes around.’ If this is true, why does it seem that, in my life, I do not get back what I put in? At least not so far. Am I looking at this the wrong way? Is there a “big picture” that I am not looking at? If, in fact, I am missing the big picture, how will I know?I used to enjoy lots of things such as building with wood, and cooking. Now I have a new set of things that I enjoy, such as editing web sites and blogs, searching for stuff on the internet and improving my knowledge of strange or stupid shit. Most of the things I enjoy revolve around the computer or the internet. Maybe I should try leaving the computer off for a few days to see how or what I would do without it. Even the thought makes my heart heavy. I would not know what to do. That alone would give me stress. I think part of my problem also is that I do not have enough activity in my life to warrant getting out of bed in the morning. Hence, my arousal at noon or 2 pm. most days. Something else that seems to bother me is that I have nothing that I look forward to, nothing at all. Everything has become so mundane that it means very little to me. My children used to be the highlight of my life, my reason for reasoning. I still love them dearly, but something has changed. Maybe it is that every single time I see them, I have to see the fucking whale as well. As much as I hate for that to be the reason, it is the unadulterated truth. She pisses me off, even at the very core of my being. I FUCKING HATE THAT BITCH! She should die. Just fuck off and die. I would be happy with that. See what I mean about stress relief? So let me just leave you with one final thought... To a cunt named ShaNeil, DIE BITCH. A slow excruciatingly painful death. You are a horrible waste of skin and should just fuckin die!
GC FKN ROCKS!
I went to see a concert last night. When I was first asked about the concert, my first thought was "oh god, a rock concert.... I'm gonna need some ear plugs." The first and second group (Haven St. and Lola Ray) was pretty much what I expected, but much more hype than I anticipated. Lots of energy. Lots of noise (I should have got some ear plugs). But pretty awesome even without. Sum 41 came out and it was kick ass! The lights, smoke, energy, stage layout. The whole thing was awesome! Only to be put to shame when Good Charlotte pulled back the curtain. UN-FUCKIN-BEE-LEAVE-ABBBBBBBBLLLLLLLEEEE!!!! Gargoyles, a 30 foot screen where they played a short movie made by Good Charlotte, louder music, MORE lights, MORE smoke, MORE screaming, MORE HYPE! OMFG! I get chills even now as I am recalling the events. Oh, If you could have seen me. I was SO out of character. Picture this, a jap and country boy, in dockers and a plain t-shirt, JUMPIN up and down, hands flailing wildly in the air to a rock group singing Lifestyles of the Rich and the Famous. Until 4 days ago, I had never heard a song by Good Charlotte. I borrowed a CD from a Ice, and listened to them for 2 days straight. A couple of songs grew on my right away, some of them didn't. I was able to SING to them at the concert. OMFG! It was the MOST amazing day of my meager and unsubstanciated life! OUT-FKN-RAGIOUS! ME! That's right, ME, I was jumpin around like a fkn teenager! As we left the concert, we stopped to get gas and smogs for the ride home, we were standing in a long line at the convenience store and I said, "WOW, with this line you would think that there was a concert tonight." To which a waterhead standing in front of us replied, "What do you mean, there was one." HEHEHEHE OMFG! No Shit?! HEHEHEHE It was funny! I got home with ringing in my ears and bags under my eyes at 4am this morning! IT WAS TO DIE FOR! The only thing that would have made last night any better, SEX. Other than that, it was SOOO close to perfect, right now, I could die a happy man. Here is a photo taken LAST NIGHT, AT OUR CONCERT!
Talk about the defining moments in a persons life... THIS IS IT! My entire world has changed, opened my eyes to the world of ROCK! I will never be the same again. That, AND now I can say I have been to THE BEST concert of my life. It just so happens that it is the only concert I've been too but WTF, IT WAS UN-FKN-BEEEE-LEAAAVE-ABBBBBBLLLLLLLEEEE!!!!!! Thanks ICE for the awakening!
TWO FACED FUCKERS!
MUTHA FKN BSTRDS! Exhale, breathe, slow down JSM, come on, OK. GD okay. Let me go back to June 2004, my order for child support was changed. I got a new job and my support went from $300/mo to over $600/mo. This was just six months after the order was setup. So, I no longer make that amount, and called child support services to change the order again, mainly because $600/mo would be about 70% of my gross pay! AND, more than 84% of my take home that would leave me less than $200 a month to live on... I can't even buy smogs and pay rent on that amount. k, they told me that my request is denied because my circumstances are "short term" and that I will find another job making $15/hr again. WTF? GD Crack smokers! So, I explain that it is not short term. If they look into my prev employment they can see that I have NEVER made that much and do not have the credentials to make that much again.... but they FKD OFF and told me "I'm sorry, it can't be changed." OMMFG, I am gonna go fkn postal! I swear to GOD!
I appologize, I got started!
K so, my mother, she's white. Always has been. When my parents first got married they ate a lot of rice. Well, that's what happens when you marry a Jap. Ya eat rice. She ate enough that she was sick of it and would eat a pb n j sandwich after cooking rice for my father. This went on for a few years (as I understand it), then she slowly started to eat rice again. I just heard my mother talking w a tenant and said, "Given a choice of never having potato's again, or never having rice again, I would miss potato's but couldn't do without rice." Hmm. Is is possible to convert a white woman to a rice eater? It took her almost 40 years.
I have heard that you will marry someone who is most like your opposite sex parent. I like to think that I would not marry my mother, that's gross. and gross. But she does have qualities that I would like in a future wife. She can change her own oil, shovel her own walk, and keep a job. In todays age, it seems, most people believe in shared responsiblity, husband and wife cook and clean together, garden together, do laundry together, make purchases. Well what the fuck about the woman helping with the oil change? Or shoveling the walk? What the fuck? If it is true that "women are equal" I say prove it! Show me 10 women that are willing to change thier own oil, shovel their own walk, and herd cattle. If there is such a thing as womens equality, I say let them be equal! Not just in the stuff they "want" to do. I have yet to see a woman under the hood of her car, actually doing anything other than staring aimlessly. Point out a PVC valve, bitch. Tell me where the fly wheel is? Show me the north bridge on a motherboard. I do not say this to be an arrogant shovanist, I can cook (and do it very well, I think), sew, make bottles, change diapers, I can do anything a woman can do (minus the child birth, dumbass). All I'm saying is, "Show me a woman that can do the same!" I am not saying that I know everything there is to know. I'm a dumbass, and freely admit it. I just want a woman that will prove she can do everything a guy can do. Women's Rights? Women's Equality? Kiss my ass!
Okay, again, I appologize, I got started and had to let it out.
WHALE, LEAVE ME ALONE! FUCK!
I found a kewl template while drama and I were updating her blog... Well, what do you do but help a sista out, right? So, I edited to fit her, check it out... here's the link check it out!
So the question is this: If your hot, and I'm busy, is it still necessary for the whale to fk off? That is what I don't know. Whale fks off ALL THE TIME! She called me this morning and assed if I could watch my oldest child. There are certain things that I will not do, and have them around my sisters children is one of those things. They are not children I want my son to learn from. They are very angry children (due to the lack of a real parent in their life). And it seems that all she can do is yell at them, no please and thank you, no asking them to do stuff, nope. Just a lot of yelling and hitting. She also forbid her middle child from trick or treating this year because apparently he was bad. WTMF? How bad could it have possibly been? This is the THIRD year in a row, that he has not been able to trick or treat. So I did what every uncle in the world would have done, and I took him to my friends house (grass and gt5000) and asked them to have some candy ready. They kindly obliged and he got about a pound of candy. A minor amount considering what he could have gotten but at least he got to show off his costume and get some candy. I cannot stand the way she raises her children. She has three, as do I. The main difference between us, I love my kids with all my heart. I would do anything for them, and will be there whenever they need me. I do not believe that beating a child (or wife) is advantageous to advancing our society. She is all about yelling and beating and wishing her children were never born. I hate it, I think she should take some parenting classes and get some help. So, getting back to the point, when I told whale that I could not have the children here, she threw a fit and bitched and moaned. FK I loath that cunt. I really would like if she just FKD OFF AND DIED! I would be okay with that. DAMN I HATE HER!
So, with that said, I have my oldest child today. As good as that is, I still look for things to improve my life and make me happy. He does not feel well today and is laying on my bed watching cartoons. Just having him here, even tho we are not talking or playing together, I love it. Just his presence makes me smile. I love him. My two year old is in that stage. OMG! He is so cute at it tho, we were sitting in the living room Friday, he grabbed a glass of apple juice and set it very precariously on the edge of the table. I saw the glass sitting only halfway on the table and got up to grab it, while I told him, "be careful not to spill that" before I could get to it, he pushed it off the table. ON PURPOSE! OMG, I about grabbed him by his hair and wiped it up with his face. But, like I said, I don't believe beating a child or abusing a child is the way to handle any situation. I clenched my fist and walked into the kitchen, grabbed a towel, and cleaned it up. Shit like that cannot go unpunished tho, so I had to stand him in a corner. He hated me for 4 minutes, then he came over and hugged me. He knows that I will love him no matter what he does and knows that I will not intentionally put him thru anything that will not help him. Thinking about it makes me laugh now, but I was pissed off!
Enuf bloggity blig blogger for today.
BTW, I am STOKED about going to the concert on Wednesday!