Do you know what it's like to miss someone until your heart cracks under the strain? Or how about what it's like to love so much that you couldn't possibly have any more feeling in you? It seems that when it comes to love and sorrow, they are alone in a category of endless feeling. Two feelings that seem to be infinite. When does it end? Does it ever end? They seem to be feelings that only lessen. It's like the half life of radioactive material. It never goes away, it just becomes smaller and smaller. Infinitely smaller, but never gone.
What of love hast thou but a merry enchantment of joy? What of joy but thy gravest loss of hatred. What of hatred but the kindred spirit of angst. Trust thou without angst to be a body of enlightenment and purest of pure love.
And alas, what of sorrow doth thou see? Perhaps but a myriad of painfulness and loss. A veritable trifecta of hurt, anger and mistaken blame. And what doth thou make of blame but thou urge to lash out unto thy brother for thy pain. Alas therefore blame is mistaken, for blame unto thy brother is the fault of the devil.
Tuesday, March 18, 2008
Tuesday, March 11, 2008
Something to start your Tuesday off right.
A man comes into the ER and yells, "My wife's going to have her baby in the cab!" I grabbed my stuff, rushed out to the cab, lifted the lady's dress, and began to take off her underwear. Suddenly I noticed that there were several cabs-I was in the wrong one.
Dr. Mark MacDonald, San Antonio, TX
At the beginning of my shift I placed a stethoscope on an elderly and slightly deaf female patient's anterior chest wall.. "Big breaths," I instructed. "Yes, they used to be," remorsed the patient
Dr. Richard Byrnes, Seattle, WA
One day I had to be the bearer of bad news when I told a wife that her husband had died of a massive myocardial infarct. Not more than five minutes later, I heard her reporting to the rest of the family that he had died of a "massive internal fart."
Dr. Susan Steinberg, Manitoba, Canada
I was performing a complete physical, including the visual acuity test. I placed the patient twenty feet from the chart and began, "Cover your right eye with your hand." He read the 20/20 line perfectly. "Now your left." Again, a flawless read. "Now both," I requested. There was silence. He couldn't even read the large E on the
top line. I turned and discovered that he had done exactly what I had asked; he was standing there with both his eyes covered. I was laughing too hard to finish the exam.
Dr. Matthew Theodropolous, Worcester, MA
During a patient's two week follow-up appointment with his cardiologist, he informed me, his doctor, that he was having trouble with one of his medications. "Which one?" I asked. "The patch. The nurse told me to put on a new one every six hours and now I'm running out of places to put it!" I had him quickly undress and discovered what
I hoped I wouldn't see... Yes, the man had over fifty patches on his body! Now, the instructions include removal of the old patch before applying a new one.
Dr. Rebecca St. Clair, Norfolk, VA
While acquainting myself with a new elderly patient, I asked, "How long have you been bedridden?" After a look of complete confusion she answered... "Why, not for about twenty years-when my husband was alive."
Dr. Steven Swanson, Corvallis, OR
I was caring for a woman from Kentucky and asked, "So how's your breakfast this morning?" "It's very good, except for the Kentucky Jelly. I can't seem to get used to the taste," the patient replied. I then asked to see the jelly and the woman produced a foil packet labeled "KY Jelly."
Dr. Leonard Kransdorf, Detroit, MI
A Nurse was on duty in the Emergency Room, when a young woman with purple hair styled into a punk rocker Mohawk, sporting a variety of tattoos, and wearing strange clothing, entered. It was quickly determined that the patient had acute appendicitis, so she was scheduled for immediate surgery. When she was completely disrobed on the
operating table, the staff noticed that her pubic hair had been dyed green, and above it there was a tattoo that read, "Keep off the grass." Once the surgery was completed, the surgeon wrote a short note on the patient's dressing, which said "Sorry, had to mow the lawn."
and Finally . . .
A new, young MD doing his residency in OB was quite embarrassed performing female pelvic exams. To cover his embarrassment he had unconsciously formed a habit of whistling softly. The middle-aged lady upon whom he was performing this exam suddenly burst out laughing and from his work and sheepishly said, "I'm sorry. Was I tickling you?" She replied, "No doctor, but the song you were whistling was 'I wish I was an Oscar Meyer Wiener..."
-- Dr. wouldn't admit his name
Dr. Mark MacDonald, San Antonio, TX
At the beginning of my shift I placed a stethoscope on an elderly and slightly deaf female patient's anterior chest wall.. "Big breaths," I instructed. "Yes, they used to be," remorsed the patient
Dr. Richard Byrnes, Seattle, WA
One day I had to be the bearer of bad news when I told a wife that her husband had died of a massive myocardial infarct. Not more than five minutes later, I heard her reporting to the rest of the family that he had died of a "massive internal fart."
Dr. Susan Steinberg, Manitoba, Canada
I was performing a complete physical, including the visual acuity test. I placed the patient twenty feet from the chart and began, "Cover your right eye with your hand." He read the 20/20 line perfectly. "Now your left." Again, a flawless read. "Now both," I requested. There was silence. He couldn't even read the large E on the
top line. I turned and discovered that he had done exactly what I had asked; he was standing there with both his eyes covered. I was laughing too hard to finish the exam.
Dr. Matthew Theodropolous, Worcester, MA
During a patient's two week follow-up appointment with his cardiologist, he informed me, his doctor, that he was having trouble with one of his medications. "Which one?" I asked. "The patch. The nurse told me to put on a new one every six hours and now I'm running out of places to put it!" I had him quickly undress and discovered what
I hoped I wouldn't see... Yes, the man had over fifty patches on his body! Now, the instructions include removal of the old patch before applying a new one.
Dr. Rebecca St. Clair, Norfolk, VA
While acquainting myself with a new elderly patient, I asked, "How long have you been bedridden?" After a look of complete confusion she answered... "Why, not for about twenty years-when my husband was alive."
Dr. Steven Swanson, Corvallis, OR
I was caring for a woman from Kentucky and asked, "So how's your breakfast this morning?" "It's very good, except for the Kentucky Jelly. I can't seem to get used to the taste," the patient replied. I then asked to see the jelly and the woman produced a foil packet labeled "KY Jelly."
Dr. Leonard Kransdorf, Detroit, MI
A Nurse was on duty in the Emergency Room, when a young woman with purple hair styled into a punk rocker Mohawk, sporting a variety of tattoos, and wearing strange clothing, entered. It was quickly determined that the patient had acute appendicitis, so she was scheduled for immediate surgery. When she was completely disrobed on the
operating table, the staff noticed that her pubic hair had been dyed green, and above it there was a tattoo that read, "Keep off the grass." Once the surgery was completed, the surgeon wrote a short note on the patient's dressing, which said "Sorry, had to mow the lawn."
and Finally . . .
A new, young MD doing his residency in OB was quite embarrassed performing female pelvic exams. To cover his embarrassment he had unconsciously formed a habit of whistling softly. The middle-aged lady upon whom he was performing this exam suddenly burst out laughing and from his work and sheepishly said, "I'm sorry. Was I tickling you?" She replied, "No doctor, but the song you were whistling was 'I wish I was an Oscar Meyer Wiener..."
-- Dr. wouldn't admit his name
Tuesday, March 04, 2008
Survey.
I really don't do many of these but since I'm REALLY bored right now...
1. What's on your mind right now?
The minivan
2. Where is your biological father right now?
Idaho Falls... I wish he were living closer tho...
3. Have you ever made out in the woods?
a few times... not as fun as it sounds.
4. Which shoe do you put on first?
Left, almost without fail. There are those times tho that I end up putting my right sock on first... in which case, I would put the right shoe on first also.
5. Do you get distracted easily?
yeah... unless I'm programming...
6. What does the last text you received say?
Wow... I don't remember cuz it was about 5 or 6 years ago.
7. First time you kissed the last person you kissed?
Not sure... It's been a while too.
8. What was your childhood nickname?
bumper and yoshi
9. What would you change about your life right now?
Not a damn thing... I've worked way to hard for the things I have.
10. Have you ever bitten your nails?
Used to all the time till I saw what was under them pasted to a microscope tray... That will change your mind REALLY quick!
11. Do you live alone?
No... I live with my wife and stepchildren
12. Do you smoke?
I did for 18 years. Been sober for almost 8 months now.
13. What was the best year of your life?
2007, but I'm sure this year will top it. Life just keeps getting better.
14. Do you have any strange phobias?
Yeah... Cotton balls. I really can't touch them, they give me shivers up my spine and I get really nervous.
15. Are you happy with your living arrangement?
yeah, the house is huge and really nice, the kids are annoying, but they are good kids and then there's the wife... well, what can I say, she's definitely a woman.
16. Have you ever played the game Twister?
Used to love it when I was a kid, but haven't played since being an adult.
17. Last thing received in the mail?
cable bill
18. What color is your phone?
silver
19. Do you like your cellphone or do you want a new one?
it's a frikin phone... does it work? Then you don't need a new one!
20. Do you have trust issues?
Horribly.
21. Do you use smiley faces on the computer a lot?
every chance I get :)
22. Do you tend to rip the paper off water bottles?
no... Unless I have to be able to tell mine from someone else's then I try to tear it in a way that will leave a unique pattern.
23. Who was the last person you talked to on the phone?
Booboo.
24. Do you like to cuddle?
yeah, till I get too damn hot... then get the fuck away from me!
25.Have you ever hated some one, but ended up being friends?
Yup. My best friend from grade school was that person.
26. What was the last advice someone gave you?
Booboo "I dunno what to tell ya man"
27. Have you ever hurt anyone when you were mad?
yup.
28. Is it easier to forgive or forget?
forgive... try forgetting something really bad... it doesn't happen that easily.
29. Do you give out second chances too easily?
not anymore.
30. What is the most important thing in any relationship?
TRUST
31. Kiss with your eyes open or closed?
I like both, but try not to be discriminatory when using one or the other.
32. Do you have a best friend?
two.
33. Are you happy for your last ex?
happy for that bitch? not really.
34. Do you believe in love at first sight?
not for humans.
35. Would you live with someone without marrying them?
uh... NO! FK NO! Why the hell would you do that??
36. Ever had plans and broke them?
of course who hasn't
37. If you could fix one thing about you, what would it be?
I'm broke... doesn't that say enough?
38. Do you have a friend of the opposite sex that you talk to 24/7?
other than my wife... nope
39. Do you remember what you were like two years ago?
it's hard to say this but I was a smoker... nuff said.
40. Have you ever had a dream about people you love dying?
yeah...
41. Who was the last person you cried in front of?
probably my wife.
42. Have you ever shaved in the kitchen sink?
once or twice. not a habit I like.
43. Have you ever changed clothes in a vehicle?
LOL... only to avoid the police.
44. Where did you last go?
to campus to school
45. Do good things come to those who wait?
I'm still waiting... we'll see tho.
46. Was the last bed you slept in your own?
Yes
47. What was the last movie you watched?
transformers... i think
48. Relationships or Hook ups?
i've never had a "hook up" so I don't really know about them, but I'd say relationships.
49. Ever seen a dead body?
yup. Used to clean them up for the morgue.
50. When was the last time you saw the first person on your top friends?
This morning before she left for work.
51. How much older are you than your siblings?
I'm in the middle.
52. Would you kiss the last person you kissed again?
I kiss them all the time
53. What is in your wallet right now?
license, cards, and that is about it
54. To whom did you last give the finger to?
Probably my wife.
55. Favorite Color?
Blue and green
56. Next time you will kiss someone?
as soon as the wife walks thru the door.
57. What's your ringtone on your cell phone?
none
58. What color shirt are you wearing?
green
59. do you have a crazy side?
uh... you mean, do I have a normal side... NO.
60. What was the highlight of your week?
highlight... not sure there was one.
61. Whose car were you in last?
mine
62.What are you listening to?
the elevator ding.
63. Do you love anyone besides your family?
just mainly family
64. Where is your phone?
in my pocket
65. Miss one of your Exes?
yeah... unfortunately
66What color are your eyes?
Shit Brown
67. What is the last thing you bought?
Tint for my windows
68. When is your birthday?
dias de mayo
69. Doing anything tonight?
staying home.
70. Do you call anyone else's mom 'mom'?
Holy crap yes!! but only 1 other mom.
71. Do you like work?
uh... NO
72. Have you ever been arrested?
twice...
73. What are you doing tomorrow?
school
74. Phone or text?
email
75.Who were the last two people you hugged & why?
my children when I dropped them off at school.
1. What's on your mind right now?
The minivan
2. Where is your biological father right now?
Idaho Falls... I wish he were living closer tho...
3. Have you ever made out in the woods?
a few times... not as fun as it sounds.
4. Which shoe do you put on first?
Left, almost without fail. There are those times tho that I end up putting my right sock on first... in which case, I would put the right shoe on first also.
5. Do you get distracted easily?
yeah... unless I'm programming...
6. What does the last text you received say?
Wow... I don't remember cuz it was about 5 or 6 years ago.
7. First time you kissed the last person you kissed?
Not sure... It's been a while too.
8. What was your childhood nickname?
bumper and yoshi
9. What would you change about your life right now?
Not a damn thing... I've worked way to hard for the things I have.
10. Have you ever bitten your nails?
Used to all the time till I saw what was under them pasted to a microscope tray... That will change your mind REALLY quick!
11. Do you live alone?
No... I live with my wife and stepchildren
12. Do you smoke?
I did for 18 years. Been sober for almost 8 months now.
13. What was the best year of your life?
2007, but I'm sure this year will top it. Life just keeps getting better.
14. Do you have any strange phobias?
Yeah... Cotton balls. I really can't touch them, they give me shivers up my spine and I get really nervous.
15. Are you happy with your living arrangement?
yeah, the house is huge and really nice, the kids are annoying, but they are good kids and then there's the wife... well, what can I say, she's definitely a woman.
16. Have you ever played the game Twister?
Used to love it when I was a kid, but haven't played since being an adult.
17. Last thing received in the mail?
cable bill
18. What color is your phone?
silver
19. Do you like your cellphone or do you want a new one?
it's a frikin phone... does it work? Then you don't need a new one!
20. Do you have trust issues?
Horribly.
21. Do you use smiley faces on the computer a lot?
every chance I get :)
22. Do you tend to rip the paper off water bottles?
no... Unless I have to be able to tell mine from someone else's then I try to tear it in a way that will leave a unique pattern.
23. Who was the last person you talked to on the phone?
Booboo.
24. Do you like to cuddle?
yeah, till I get too damn hot... then get the fuck away from me!
25.Have you ever hated some one, but ended up being friends?
Yup. My best friend from grade school was that person.
26. What was the last advice someone gave you?
Booboo "I dunno what to tell ya man"
27. Have you ever hurt anyone when you were mad?
yup.
28. Is it easier to forgive or forget?
forgive... try forgetting something really bad... it doesn't happen that easily.
29. Do you give out second chances too easily?
not anymore.
30. What is the most important thing in any relationship?
TRUST
31. Kiss with your eyes open or closed?
I like both, but try not to be discriminatory when using one or the other.
32. Do you have a best friend?
two.
33. Are you happy for your last ex?
happy for that bitch? not really.
34. Do you believe in love at first sight?
not for humans.
35. Would you live with someone without marrying them?
uh... NO! FK NO! Why the hell would you do that??
36. Ever had plans and broke them?
of course who hasn't
37. If you could fix one thing about you, what would it be?
I'm broke... doesn't that say enough?
38. Do you have a friend of the opposite sex that you talk to 24/7?
other than my wife... nope
39. Do you remember what you were like two years ago?
it's hard to say this but I was a smoker... nuff said.
40. Have you ever had a dream about people you love dying?
yeah...
41. Who was the last person you cried in front of?
probably my wife.
42. Have you ever shaved in the kitchen sink?
once or twice. not a habit I like.
43. Have you ever changed clothes in a vehicle?
LOL... only to avoid the police.
44. Where did you last go?
to campus to school
45. Do good things come to those who wait?
I'm still waiting... we'll see tho.
46. Was the last bed you slept in your own?
Yes
47. What was the last movie you watched?
transformers... i think
48. Relationships or Hook ups?
i've never had a "hook up" so I don't really know about them, but I'd say relationships.
49. Ever seen a dead body?
yup. Used to clean them up for the morgue.
50. When was the last time you saw the first person on your top friends?
This morning before she left for work.
51. How much older are you than your siblings?
I'm in the middle.
52. Would you kiss the last person you kissed again?
I kiss them all the time
53. What is in your wallet right now?
license, cards, and that is about it
54. To whom did you last give the finger to?
Probably my wife.
55. Favorite Color?
Blue and green
56. Next time you will kiss someone?
as soon as the wife walks thru the door.
57. What's your ringtone on your cell phone?
none
58. What color shirt are you wearing?
green
59. do you have a crazy side?
uh... you mean, do I have a normal side... NO.
60. What was the highlight of your week?
highlight... not sure there was one.
61. Whose car were you in last?
mine
62.What are you listening to?
the elevator ding.
63. Do you love anyone besides your family?
just mainly family
64. Where is your phone?
in my pocket
65. Miss one of your Exes?
yeah... unfortunately
66What color are your eyes?
Shit Brown
67. What is the last thing you bought?
Tint for my windows
68. When is your birthday?
dias de mayo
69. Doing anything tonight?
staying home.
70. Do you call anyone else's mom 'mom'?
Holy crap yes!! but only 1 other mom.
71. Do you like work?
uh... NO
72. Have you ever been arrested?
twice...
73. What are you doing tomorrow?
school
74. Phone or text?
75.Who were the last two people you hugged & why?
my children when I dropped them off at school.