Well.... it seems I'm on the crest of another great adventure. The kind where you get to wake up at 4 am to catch a flight, to catch another flight, to catch a bus, to catch a boat. A big boat. A cruise ship. Loaded with awesome food.. all the food you can eat. Relax and enjoy no cell service for the whole week.
Except that my journey doesn't include a flight, a bus, a boat or good food to eat for a week and my damn cell phone won't quit ringing! Ya know, this is starting to sound like my normal life... this ain't no damn vacation. No fkn adventure! I'm stuck with this damn phone that won't shut the hell up!
I must have been dreaming. Dreaming of a wave crashing on my back while I drown peacefully. Alone! Without this fkn phone!
Okay, well... I'm sure you've had enough of my phone issues. Lets move on. School... *sigh* yeah, about that. Fk that, lets move on to something more fun... something like 'waving at a stranger with your shirt over your head and your man-tits hanging out'. That would be exhilarating... and really repulsive. No one wants to see your man-tits. EVER. We really should move on to something else now.
Lets reflect on the last couple months... That's a good idea.
February...
*cue the crickets*
yup, nothing happened.
March...
*cue the retarded crickets that sound like Led Zeppelin on weed*
yup, worse than February... but still nothing.
April...
So far, just more god damn crickets!! Oh wait... that cricket kinda sounds like... MY FKN CELL PHONE! GAH!!!! MUTHER FKR!!!
There is no escape. The phone... it haunts my dreams... it scares the demons that wake me in the morning... it stops the waves that crash on my back. DAMNIT!! LEAVE ME ALONE!
*more crickets*
Oh, the whole phone thing... it's actually quite the opposite. No one ever calls me. and if they did, I couldn't answer anyway, I don't have enough minutes. Unless they're on verizon... but most of them aren't. The glass is not half full, the fkr's broken and stabs me in the foot when I get up in the middle of the night to go to the bathroom. Then I slip in my own blood and crack my head on the toilet. The dirty toilet. I think I have a pube in my ear... nope, just more blood. Ew, wait, what the hell??? What's this in my mouth... ah gawd, ugg, oh jesus, it is... there's a pube in my mouth, a long one, cuz it's been a really long time since I trimmed. I should trim, and have cake. I like cake (cake sans pubes, that is). Mmmmm tres leches cake... with a fat juicy steak. Oooo or a thick juicy hamburger with fries. Big fries! With Red Robins frysauce! OMG I could sure use a drink right now. I should grab a dew. Naw, it's too late... 10pm is no time to be drinking. It's time for bed. G'night ya'll. Sweet dreams.
*slips peacefully into a quiet slumber then all-a-sudden Gags on second pube*
