Where are we now?

I know where you are coming from. And I am scared too. I have trusted myself my entire life. Trusted that I would make the right choice, decision or action. Unfortunately, sometimes I have led myself astray. Right now, it's harder for me to stay and deal with our problems than it would be to leave and just call it quits. Running away would be so much easier. It always has been. I am forcing myself to face the hardships and deal with the unpleasantries because I love you, unlike any love I've ever felt. I'm begging for your help. I feel like all you want to do is talk about what we've already gone over. I don't want to repeat what we've said, I want new stuff that we haven't said. I want to discover new options that we haven't thought of yet. I can't continue to go over the same things. It becomes more irritating than the problem itself.
It seems the harder I try to work on our relationship the easier it would be to just give up. I am giving everthing I can to us. I am trying so hard and it pains me to think that you wouldn't see that. I want to forget the troubles and go back to the way it was a year ago, when I felt like you were on my side. Me and you against the world, together we could do anything.

Privilege

The definition of a consultant: Someone who borrows your watch, tells you the time, and then charges you for the privilege.

Bad Day?

Where is the moment when we need it the most
You kick up the leaves and the magic is lost
They tell me your blue sky's faded to grey
They tell me your passion's gone away
And I don't need no carrying on

You stand in the line just to hit a new low
You're faking a smile with coffee to go
You tell me your life's been way off line
You're falling to pieces every time
And I don't need no carrying on

Cause you had a bad day
You're taking one down
You sing a sad song just to turn it around
You say you don't know
You tell me don't lie
You work at a smile and you go for a ride
You had a bad day
The camera don't lie
You're coming back down and you really don't mind
You had a bad day
You had a bad day

Well you need a blue sky holiday
The point is they laugh at what you say
And I don't need no carrying on

You had a bad day
You're taking one down
You sing a sad song just to turn it around
You say you don't know
You tell me don't lie
You work at a smile and you go for a ride
You had a bad day
The camera don't lie
You're coming back down and you really don't mind
You had a bad day
You had a bad day

Sometimes the system goes on the blink and the whole thing it turns out
Wrong
You might not make it back and you know that you could be well oh that
Strong
Well I'm not wrong

So where is the passion when you need it the most
Oh you and I
You kick up the leaves and the magic is lost

Cause you had a bad day
You're taking one down
You sing a sad song just to turn it around
You say you don't know
You tell me don't lie
You work at a smile and you go for a ride
You had a bad day
You see what you like
And how does it feel, one more time
You had a bad day
You had a bad day
You had a bad day

The other reason.

I can only think of two reasons that I would feel this bad about that comment; Either I know it's true and the truth always hurts, or I know it's not true and the accusation is the cause. Either way, I sincerely do not consider myself a selfish person. I try my hardest to make sure people are taken care of and that I do what I can to help them out. I will admit that I have grown a little more selfish over the years because I need my "me" time and haven't been getting it, so I'm taking it when I need to.
I completely understand the health risks of smoking and yet it has not stopped me. Nor will it until I decide to quit. If I was smoking in the house without regard to anyone else's health I could see the concern because that is selfish. When you do something without regard for others and to benefit yourself only, that is selfish. Just because I'm a smoker does not make me selfish. Or does it?
Even tho I don't smoke in the house and try to be as considerate as possible, I'm selfish for smoking. I get the whole "quit smoking for me" thing, but seriously you cannot expect someone to change for you. How selfish is THAT?! Like I said last night, I don't expect you to change for me, I accept you the way you are and love you for who you are now and don't want you to change for me. If you decide to change I will support you as much as is feasible, but I do not want you to change for me.
I'm not asking you to support my smoking, or even like it, but I am asking you to be tolerant of it until I decide to change it. Accept me for me, not for who you want me to be.

Worth while?

For many years Ben Stein has written a biweekly column called "Monday
Night At Morton's." (Morton's is a famous chain of Steakhouses known to
be frequented by movie stars and famous people from around the globe.)
Now, Ben is terminating the column to move on to other things in his
life. Reading his final column is worth a few minutes of your time.

Ben Stein's Last Column...
============================================
How Can Someone Who Lives in Insane Luxury Be a Star in Today's World?

As I begin to write this, I "slug" it, as we writers say, which means I
put a heading on top of the document to identify it. This heading is
"eonlineFINAL," and it gives me a shiver to write it. I have been doing
this column for so long that I cannot even recall when I started. I
loved writing this column so much for so long I came to believe it would
never end.

It worked well for a long time, but gradually, my changing as a person
and the world's change have overtaken it. On a small scale, Morton's,
while better than ever, no longer attracts as many stars as it used to.
It still brings in the rich people in droves and definitely some stars.
I saw Samuel L. Jackson there a few days ago, and we had a nice visit,
and right before that, I saw and had a splendid talk with Warren Beatty
in an elevator, in which we agreed that Splendor in the Grass was a
super movie. But Morton's is not the star galaxy it once was, though it
probably will be again.

Beyond that, a bigger change has happened. I no longer think Hollywood
stars are terribly important. They are uniformly pleasant, friendly
people, and they treat me better than I deserve to be treated. But a man
or woman who makes a huge wage for memorizing lines and reciting them in
front of a camera is no longer my idea of a shining star we should all
look up to.

How can a man or woman who makes an eight-figure wage and lives in
insane luxury really be a star in today's world, if by a "star" we mean
someone bright and powerful and attractive as a role model? Real stars
are not riding around in the backs of limousines or in Porsches or
getting trained in yoga or Pilates and eating only raw fruit while they
have Vietnamese girls do their nails.

They can be interesting, nice people, but they are not heroes to me any
longer. A real star is the soldier of the 4th Infantry Division who
poked his head into a hole on a farm near Tikrit, Iraq. He could have
been met by a bomb or a hail of AK-47 bullets. Instead, he faced an
abject Saddam Hussein and the gratitude of all of the decent people of
the world.

A real star is the U.S. soldier who was sent to disarm a bomb next to a
road north of Baghdad. He approached it, and the bomb went off and
killed him.

A real star, the kind who haunts my memory night and day, is the U.S.
soldier in Baghdad who saw a little girl playing with a piece of
unexploded ordnance on a street near where he was guarding a station. He
pushed her aside and threw himself on it just as it exploded. He left a
family desolate in California and a little girl alive in Baghdad.

The stars who deserve media attention are not the ones who have lavish
weddings on TV but the ones who patrol the streets of Mosul even after
two of their buddies were murdered and their bodies battered and
stripped for the sin of trying to protect Iraqis from terrorists.

We put couples with incomes of $100 million a year on the covers of our
magazines. The noncoms and officers who barely scrape by on military pay
but stand on guard in Afghanistan and Iraq and on ships and in
submarines and near the Arctic Circle are anonymous as they live and
die.

I am no longer comfortable being a part of the system that has such poor
values, and I do not want to perpetuate those values by pretending that
who is eating at Morton's is a big subject.

There are plenty of other stars in the American firmament...the
policemen and women who go off on patrol in South Central and have no
idea if they will return alive; the orderlies and paramedics who bring
in people who have been in terrible accidents and prepare them for
surgery; the teachers and nurses who throw their whole spirits into
caring for autistic children; the kind men and women who work in
hospices and in cancer wards.

Think of each and every fireman who was running up the stairs at the
World Trade Center as the towers began to collapse. Now you have my idea
of a real hero.

I came to realize that life lived to help others is the only one that
matters. This is my highest and best use as a human. I can put it
another way. Years ago, I realized I could never be as great an actor as
Olivier or as good a comic as Steve Martin...or Martin Mull or Fred
Willard--or as good an economist as Samuelson or Friedman or as good a
writer as Fitzgerald. Or even remotely close to any of them.

But I could be a devoted father to my son, husband to my wife and, above
all, a good son to the parents who had done so much for me. This came to
be my main task in life. I did it moderately well with my son, pretty
well with my wife and well indeed with my parents (with my sister's
help). I cared for and paid attention to them in their declining years.
I stayed with my father as he got sick, went into extremis and then into
a coma and then entered immortality with my sister and me reading him
the Psalms.

This was the only point at which my life touched the lives of the
soldiers in Iraq or the firefighters in New York. I came to realize that
life lived to help others is the only one that matters and that it is my
duty, in return for the lavish life God has devolved upon me, to help
others He has placed in my path. This is my highest and best use as a
human.

Faith is not believing that God can. It is knowing that God will.
By Ben Stein

28....

Another birthday come and gone, I'm a year older and a year wiser. Although after careful consideration of the year past, I find myself a small amount wiser and just a year older. I wish there was a time capsul of knowledge that I could open and review the info I have accrued over the last year. I can certify this tho... I know a TON more about the real estate world than I have ever known before. I can tell you so much about what goes on behind the scenes than you ever want to know. Interesting quote for you here.... "Crime doesn't pay, imediately. It has to go thru escrow first" author unknown. There is so much that goes on that people don't even know about. If you know what to ask for you can save yourself SO MUCH money when buying and selling a home. It is enough to put you into shock. Thank you to all those people who don't realize they could be saving so much money, it's because of you that I have a job!
As far as my birthday goes it was, without a doubt, the worst birthday ever. But as it turns out it was the best one I've had all year! It started okay and I enjoyed the morning, even thru 4:30 pm after I got off work (yeah I worked on my birthday). Then it all went to shit after that. I don't honestly know where it all started but it freakin sucked big ass! Even the next day was complete shit. I worked 12 hours that day and still had nothing but shit when I got home. Two freakin days in a row! Damn. Such is life, I know, and I still think it sucks ass! So now I'm 28, one mild heart attack under my belt, been a smoker for 15 years and a geek for 11. I don't know quite what to call myself other than stupid because I've been smoking more than half my meager life. But it is one of the few things that I enjoy doing. Don't get me wrong I enjoy doing several other things like playing games, driving, and my wife. I have a fullfilling life and it keeps me more than busy.
I just talked with my older bro, he is totally way smarter than me when it comes to alot of things, especially computer and programming related things, mainly because I usually tinker with stuff and he is fortunate enough to have a job doing that fun tinkery type stuff. I love him cuz he's my bro, but damn it pisses me off that he is so much smarter than I am. Why can't he be stupid like everyone else? LOL.
In other news, I got my very first set of swords. They have a snake head for a handle (see pic below). Not too bad for my first set EVER! and I will say, It's about damn time too! LOL I freakin love em! I'm out y'all. Peace.