Oh Shit!!!

There I was, a lone brave soul on the top of the mountain. Gazing down at the slope before me. My family was still unpacking things a hundred yards from the bottom. It was sledding day. Sure to be a blast because we had just purchased two new sleds. The view was a spectacle like I've never seen before. The sun shining brightly and the sky a crystal clear blue. I don't generally have the guts to brave the biggest slope on the hill but that day was no ordinary day. I suppose I was feeling a little amped. So, there I am, sled in hand, gazing down this enormous slope. A perfect slope for sledding, not too bumpy and not too steep, and with a very gradual slope at the end to ease my transition to the prairie-ish ground below. To the left of the chosen slope was a much more jagged slope with a cliff. I was avoiding that slope like the plague. Cautiously... oh, so cautiously, I began to mount the sled. Being very careful as to not let the sled run away without me. I slowly position one foot on the right side and even more slowly begin to sit on the sled. I had just about completed said mounting when I notice the ground is moving... no, wait, it was ME! I was moving! Oh my god! I quickly throw both feet into the sled and grab the sled like a two year old grabs a sucker. I was not letting go! I notice also that my trajectory puts me straight in line for the CLIFF that I was trying so desperately to avoid. I'm sure this was really funny to watch, but I immediately shat in my pants... Fearing the worst as I barreled, forty million miles per hour, toward the cliff. Cuz it's so hard to gauge how fast you are really going when you're on a sled. The cliff approaches much faster than I thought and before I know it, I'm 35 feet in the air (okay, maybe it was only like 2, but it felt like 35). I try to scream, but I'm scared for my life and the scream does not come out. It's not so much the air time that scared me but the quickly approaching ground. First, the sled made contact with the ground, then, like a fkn semi into a brick wall, I made contact with the sled. Pain shooting though my body like a bullet in my back, I realize that the sled is not going to stop any time soon and I need to get off this fkn thing! I roll slightly to the right and push my elbow into the ground. It takes another eternity to come to a complete stop, so I decide I'm not waiting anymore and begin to get off (still going twenty million miles per hour). I stand slowly only to realize that I can't really stand, and still can't breathe. I begin to walk over the the base of the cliff where I had lost my beloved hat (a gift from my brother). After retrieving my hat I turn and begin the journey back to the car, shat in pants, lungs still empty and screaming for air. I notice that slowly I am beginning to regain my breath, each step brings me closer and closer to a full inhalation that my body so desperately yearns for. I'm almost back to the others and I can see the agony on all their faces, not from empathy of my pain but only because they were trying very hard to stifle the guttural laughs they so crave. Eventually the laughing over takes them and it's all I can hear. I have regained my breath by now and begin to explain that I must visit the bathroom as quickly as possible. The laughing increases. I begin to remove stuff from the truck that may spill, and I'm on my way to clean up. Upon my return I find out that my handicapped brother decided to try a similar slope to mine and hurt his back as well... I would have thought he learned from my experience.

WOW... That's Really Bad!!

And the worst for last... OMG!

Tense?

My stomach is turning, my head is spinning, I want to vomit. My mountain dew doesn't even taste good. I am in shock. I can't breathe. My heart aches. I want to scream and cry. My mouth is watering. My fingers are mostly numb and I can't see clearly.
Why did I do that? I should know better by now. I really should. I've made that mistake several times before. I'm gonna puke.
I read the words that no man ever wants to read, ever. I'm seriously sick now. I cannot even describe this torment. It hurts so bad and I just want to scream. I know, it's in the past and I still just want to scream. It makes me wonder if I truly know what I'm getting into. Do I really know? Do I want to? There are few ways to make a man feel like less of a man that to stick a knife in his ego. That's basically what this is all about. And I'm not talking about a butter knife, this is a fkn sword, just like that 36 inch bitch that was on top of my tv for a time.
My back is hurting and I can feel the muscles in my shoulders and neck tightening with every breath I take. There is seemingly no cure. I feel like my heart has become a tumor... I can feel it beat but it doesn't feel real. It's is rapid and weak. My vision is spotty and it seems as if the world could crash down at any second.
The problem is that she won't let it go... therefore I cannot either. I'm telling you, I thought I could deal with this. I knew about it shortly after we got together and I thought I could handle it. It's been two years and I still cannot even think about it without getting sick all over again.
Why does the past torment me? I want to run and hide in a dark closet. Away from the pain and away from the past. There is no room for heartache in my life.
Getting it out is usually one of the best ways I have to cope with this shit and I haven't... I've kept it bottled up, because it's 'bad' and she never wants to talk about it. I think I'm gonna die from the torture.
Why do I feel inferior? I know that I should not. If I was then she would still be with him. I know I'm right. I am superior! Why does it not matter? Why does that make no difference to how I feel, right now?
Because she won't let it go. She refuses to deal with him and the problems he caused and now I'm forced to deal with it. It is becoming my problem.
Why me?
I am a good person, i am :( I didn't want it this way
i dont want it this way
its not my fault
i am a good person

Can You Believe This?!?!

My daughter now has her very own blog and email address... When the hell did she grow up???