Tense?

My stomach is turning, my head is spinning, I want to vomit. My mountain dew doesn't even taste good. I am in shock. I can't breathe. My heart aches. I want to scream and cry. My mouth is watering. My fingers are mostly numb and I can't see clearly.
Why did I do that? I should know better by now. I really should. I've made that mistake several times before. I'm gonna puke.
I read the words that no man ever wants to read, ever. I'm seriously sick now. I cannot even describe this torment. It hurts so bad and I just want to scream. I know, it's in the past and I still just want to scream. It makes me wonder if I truly know what I'm getting into. Do I really know? Do I want to? There are few ways to make a man feel like less of a man that to stick a knife in his ego. That's basically what this is all about. And I'm not talking about a butter knife, this is a fkn sword, just like that 36 inch bitch that was on top of my tv for a time.
My back is hurting and I can feel the muscles in my shoulders and neck tightening with every breath I take. There is seemingly no cure. I feel like my heart has become a tumor... I can feel it beat but it doesn't feel real. It's is rapid and weak. My vision is spotty and it seems as if the world could crash down at any second.
The problem is that she won't let it go... therefore I cannot either. I'm telling you, I thought I could deal with this. I knew about it shortly after we got together and I thought I could handle it. It's been two years and I still cannot even think about it without getting sick all over again.
Why does the past torment me? I want to run and hide in a dark closet. Away from the pain and away from the past. There is no room for heartache in my life.
Getting it out is usually one of the best ways I have to cope with this shit and I haven't... I've kept it bottled up, because it's 'bad' and she never wants to talk about it. I think I'm gonna die from the torture.
Why do I feel inferior? I know that I should not. If I was then she would still be with him. I know I'm right. I am superior! Why does it not matter? Why does that make no difference to how I feel, right now?
Because she won't let it go. She refuses to deal with him and the problems he caused and now I'm forced to deal with it. It is becoming my problem.
Why me?
I am a good person, i am :( I didn't want it this way
i dont want it this way
its not my fault
i am a good person