You will LAUGH!

This is an email sent to our company columnist. Read on, it's about a new data center they opened in Dallas, TX. TOO FUNNY!
Dear Abby,
 I heard the Data Center in Dallas is now doing closings. I'm an escrow specialist-in-training with tons of restaurant experience. I live in Arizona and every year I win the waiter run. I'm fast. Real fast. Out here, they call me the Wildcat (like the team).
 I'm thinking I could close deals for the Data Center, and if one of those servers I keep hearing about gets sick, I could fill in. 
Signed, Wildcat

Whoa, Kitty!
We appreciate that you did your homework. There are, in fact, over 500 servers at the Dallas Data Center. The catch is none of them wear sneakers.
Thank you very much for your interest, Wildcat. If a Head Waiter in Charge of Closings position becomes available, we'll be in touch. Until then, we're going to leave this one in the capable hands of our I.T. Professionals.
P.S. Do you have any experience herding sheep? Because they have a lot of RAM at the Data Center, too!