Honey, I'm sorry. Right now I really feel like x cubed in a y squared world. I can't imagine how we could possibly be on the same page. Especially when we have such inconsistent opinions, like todays example of you feeling it's unnecessary to ask if we have money to spend and make sure it's okay. Had we not made that small deposit yesterday, we wouldn't have had the $25 to clear your purchase today. I'm not okay pulling money out of savings because you just had to go to Taco Bell. I told you months ago, before school started that this semester was going to be VERY tight. There was no part of that where I said, "If your purchase is less than $25, it's okay." Because it's not, we would not have had the money. It's pure luck that we had it. And thank God that we don't have any urgent bills due, because we wouldn't have the money now anyway. Even if you don't think so, $15 can break us right now. And if we pull that out of savings, it means that the children will have less Christmas! I don't want to be the one to explain that to them. So next time you tell me, "I knew it would come out of savings, and I'm okay with it", make sure your children are okay with it too.
And now here it is... 8pm. I haven't even seen you since 6:30 this morning and you obviously think that spending time with me is less important that whatever you are doing now. It's not that I'm mad, just hurt. I really thought that your husband would be of more value than that. I guess not.
If it is true that life and love both come full circle why then would it not also be that death and hate do to? Duality is a fact of life, a part that I have grown quite fond of in my younger years, and then regret and hate later.
Hot -> Cold.
Love -> Hate.
Light -> Dark.
I was once told that acceptance is the best way to deal with the heartaches of life. When the woes come (and they will) brace yourself with the power of acceptance. Bring yourself closer to Love with Hate and Light with Dark.
Have you noticed that there is a night light in the bathroom? A light that seems nonexistent when you enter from the bright light of day, but that blinds in the early hours of the morning. I have to wonder if this same contextuality would hold true with love... it certainly does with hot. If you move your hand from an ice bucket into luke warm water it will feel very hot.
I'm asking this: If you remove yourself from a world of love, would an ounce of hate seem like a pound? And would a pound of love seem like an ounce? Could a two inch blade make a two foot cut?
Would love then feel the same? Would it hurt the same? Would harsh words still feel like a dagger, piercing even the hardest of hearts? Would no one care enough to right the wrong, fix the broken, heal the sick?
Long long ago, in a place untainted by the disgust of the rich and uncomplicated by the prejudice of man, lived a child as pure as the cane and as clean as a clear blue sky. A child that was more than he was suppose to be. Stronger, smarter, faster. A child that knew no bounds and was free to stretch the limits. And now look at me.
