Random Hillarity!

Female Comebacks

Man: Where have you been all my life?
Woman: Hiding from you.

Man: Haven't I seen you someplace before?
Woman: Yes, that's why I don't go there anymore.

Man: Is this seat empty?
Woman: Yes, and this one will be if you sit down.

Man: Your place or mine?
Woman: Both. You go to yours, and I'll go to mine.

Man: So, what do you do for a living?
Woman: I'm a female impersonator.

Man: Hey baby, what's your sign?
Woman: Do not enter.

Man: How do you like your eggs in the morning?
Woman: Unfertilized.

Man: Your body is like a temple.
Woman: Sorry, there are no services today.

Man: I would go to the end of the world for you.
Woman: But would you stay there?

Man: If I could see you naked, I'd die happy.
Woman: If I saw you naked, I'd probably die laughing

Man : Can I buy you a drink?
Woman : Actually I'd rather have the money.

Man : I'm a photographer. I've been looking for a face like yours.
Woman: I'm a plastic surgeon. I've been looking for a face like yours.

Man: Hi. Didn't we go on a date once? Or was it twice?
Woman : Must've been once. I never make the same mistake twice.

Man: How did you get to be so beautiful?
Woman: I must've been given your share.

Man: Will you go out with me this Saturday?
Woman: Sorry. I'm having a headache this weekend.

Man: Your face must turn a few heads.
Woman: And your face must turn a few stomachs.

Man: Go on ,don't be shy. Ask me out.
Woman: Okay, get out.

Man: I think I could make you very happy.
Woman: Why? Are you leaving?

Man : What would you say if I asked you to marry me?
Woman: Nothing. I can't talk and laugh at the same time.

Man: Can I have your name?
Woman: Why? Don't you already have one?

Man: Shall we go see a movie?
Woman: I've already seen it.

Fun Activities for the Dangerously Bored

Moo when someone says your name

Run into walls. Repeat.

Tell people that wearing clothes is against your new religion and that it offends you to own any

Pluck someone's hair out and yell, "DNA! I got it!"

Wear a sticker that says, "I'm socially inept"

Get in an argument with your 20 imaginary friends. Ugly names are the best to throw around. (Bert, Fern, Chrysanthemum, etc)

In public yell, "No (enter name here), I will not make out with you!!"

Jump off the roof, trying to fly. Hope it's a one-story house or you're fucked. :)

Hold a random person's hand and whisper to them, "I see dead people"

At everything anyone says, yell "THAT'S BLASPHEMY!"

Swim really hard on the floor.

Tap on something and ask people what the noise is. Repeat

Pretend to have amnesia and forget your name...friends' names...whether you are male or female, etc. Go into wrong bathrooms and question people who tell you otherwise. "Are you sure I'm female? I could have sworn I was male."

Say everything backwards

Give yourself a swirly and then blame them.

Run around with a lamp shade on your head yelling "The sun!!! It's dying!!!"

Sing at the top of your lungs while running around the house...naked

Have nervous spasms at spontaneous times and leave your eyes cross-eyed for a while.

Snort loudly when you laugh and then laugh harder

Run in circles and threaten that you're going to pee your pants

Recite a whole movie 3 times changing the pitch of your voice with each character

Pretend to beat yourself up

Slither everywhere. Hiss when people say something about it

Wear your pants on your head and your shirt on your waist. It's a fashion statement. Creativity is key

Try and drink out of a glass the wrong way

Super glue your finger up your nose and make up some story involving mythical creatures or aliens

Talk to a pen about something serious. Perhaps cry if you're capable

Lay face down and chant like an indian tribe

Try and climb the wall, but freeze in the fetal position whenever people stare at you

Spread out on the window and buzz, pretending to be a fly

Take your ice cream cone and put it on your forehead telling people "I'm a lovely unicorn."

Put pegs on your nose and eyes

Switch the light button on and off for a while. then say, "Ooooh... I get it!!!"

Eat your hair, but make a face and spit it out. Repeat.

Whatever they are eating, tell them it looks like a certain animal covered in mucus

Eat anything obviously not edible

Say your pet is mocking you and chase it around the house

Tell someone you don't speak their language, but make sure you are still speaking their language. It should confuse them. It might confuse you.

Try to snorkel in your fish tank