Things I've Learned

I have learned that the value of a drink depends on how your day has been.
I have learned that the value of love depends on if you get it but more so on if you give it.
I have learned that the value of family depends on how pissed off you were the last time you spoke.
I have learned that the value of a kiss depends on the last time you had one, and sometimes on the next time you think you will get one.
I have learned that the value of gas will fluctuate and that it doesn't matter how many times I say 'fluctuations' it still sounds like 'fk u asians'.
I have learned that the value of a dollar never meant as much as when I was a kid, standing at the gas station buying Swedish Fish. Damn, 95 of those things was a lot!
I have learned that the value of time changes when you have a lot to get done.
I have learned that the value of my car increases with every pound I put on.
I have learned that the value of a list decreased if you can't find the damn thing.
I have learned that the value of potatoes decreased when I can fit 3 whole ones in my mouth at the same time.

Bah!

Today I tried to cut all the seeds off of a strawberry... I soon found out that it was much like trying to cut the pedophile out of Michael Jackson. It may have been easier with some high voltage or maybe some handcuffs and a hot poker. Damn it, so I gave up and just ate the fkn things with the seeds on!