Another Top Ten List, by Yoshi

Here are ten things that you may here from a computer user/sales
rep/tech and what they are really trying to say.
1. [from a sales rep] This computer is Completely Customizable (what
they really mean is...)It'll take you years to get it how you want it,
and just when you do, it's going to crash.
2. [from a sales rep] It's Blazing Fast (what they really mean is...)It
moves faster than a snail but not as fast as a turtle with diarrhea
3. [from a sales rep] Upgradeable (what they really mean is...)Comes
with nothing! BUT for $600 more we can add a couple things!
4.[from a tech] Needs more RAM (what they really mean is...)Bash it with
a Large Bat 12 times and call me in the morning.
5. [from a sales rep] It'll do more than what you need (what they really
mean is...)Hope you don't need much.
6.[from a tech] Your Computer Crashed (what they really mean is...)I
broke your computer but I'm not telling YOU that, we'll just let you
think the computer gods hate you!
7. [from a tech] You need to upgrade (what they really mean is...)WTF
are you still doing with THIS? It should have been gone with the MC
Hammer pants in the 80's!
8.[from a user] My computer is slow (what they really mean is...)I
install too much shit and browse the web constantly and I'm blaming it
on my computer.
9. [from a user] I didn't do anything (what they really mean is...)I'm a
fkn moron you should shoot me now.
10.[from a tech, consultant or sales rep] There is nothing I can do
(what they really mean is...)You should shoot yourself and spare
everyone the pain of dealing with you.