Another byte?!

So I'm sitting in a common area on campus admiring my laptop when I hear the distinct sound of some stupid fuck chewing with his mouth open... Normally this does not bother me, but when you are 30 feet away in a noisy room and I can hear you like you were sitting next to me... SHUT YOUR FKN MOUTH! You disgusting fuck! AND to make it worse he's sitting with a woman that looks old enough to be his mother and she's eating just as bad... at least she has her fkn mouth closed but she ate a medium sized bowl of pasta then a quarter of a pizza... now seriously... with the weight problem that plagues our nation you would think that someone would alert her to the issues here.... but no one says a damn thing and she continues to eat. I have to leave... before I fkn vomit! I'd like to just take this laptop and shove it down his throat 12 to 16 inches... then say to him, "Byte this you nasty fuck! You should be ashamed to eat in public"