Wednesday, August 27, 2008

How I've been...

I was just responding to a friends message about how I am... and got to thinking about it. You know, for real. Then I wrote this email back.


Well, I'd love to tell you that my life is all roses and butterflies... but you know better.
I think the biggest thing about life is that you have to get to a point where you enjoy the journey, because once you get where you're going, that's it... you're done.
I struggle with the balance between being a good dad and being a good student. Between being a good decent model and disciplining my children properly. Between being a good husband and taking time for myself. I'm sure you've been there. I wouldn't say that my life is hard because it's certainly been worse, but I will say that it's a constant struggle and it's really nice to have memories to fall back on when you get into a position that you're not happy with.

Saturday, August 16, 2008

Faded Memories.

I ran and ran, climbed and struggled, completely out of breath and finally reached the basement of our split level home, it was such a struggle, those damn stairs. All six of them, like a hill, taunting me and teasing me, but they would not win, not today, for I am about to enter my hiding spot... the one that NO ONE can find me in. This spot is the spot of all spots. I crouch, crawl, wiggle and finally come to rest behind the water heater... I'm so clever... they will never find me... I try desperately to stuff back the giggles that were trying so hard to escape. I can't laugh, not now, I'm in THE spot... I can't give it away. So I stifle every giggle, every gasp for breath. Hours pass, and they never found me... I finally gave up.

In hind sight I now know that the older kids weren't even looking for me, I was only two, and they were playing hide and seek with their friends... not with me. But MAN I can still feel the rush of the chase. The thrill of knowing I could not be found... the thrill of knowing I had outsmarted someone older than me. It was such crap too because the 'wall' behind me was only studs... had they walked into the adjacent room they would have seen me in plain sight... right there... crouched behind the water heater.

Tuesday, August 12, 2008

About

A little about the source for this genius idea... This is a direct excerpt, so I accept no blame or liability for the misspelling of words, the misrepresentation of ideas, or the use of your mother.

About Lowbrow.com

Lowbrow.com is dedicated to bringing you the best user submitted content about scraping the bottom and being a general piece of shit.

It is about moments where you said something completely inappropriate, where you stuck your foot in your mouth, or stamped the air out of some poor fuck's lungs.

Lowbrow.com is about calling people names, shitting in their pudding, pushing them down stairs, eating white bread and expired fruit pies from the bakery outlet and drinking "charcoal filtered" vodka - straight from the plastic two liter bottle.

Lowbrow.com is about vomiting on a city bus, mistaking someone's sex, driving your car through a garage door, taking swings at police, and standing on the front step of your trailer home with a loaded shotgun and a can of Old Milwaukee's Best.

Lowbrow.com is about criticizing people, it's about knowing what's right, being better than the next guy, and spouting barstool philosophy.

Lowbrow.com is about sweat stains on your wife beater t-shirt, shaving your head, but not your mutton-chops, owning cars with "t-tops," eating at fast food restaurants, and having full-time diarrhea.

Lowbrow.com is not about unrequited love, being dumped, or teen angst - unless there is an unbelievably cruel, nasty or embarrassing aspect to the story. Stories of infidelity, incredible sex with strangers, and/or sitting home alone masturbating are, however, encouraged.

Write us at low at lowbrow dot com if you have any questions, you clueless piece of shit.

- The Management

Administrative Note: There are over moments as of . Add your moment and be in with the in crowd now!

Lowbrow.com is located at N 37° 52.719' and W 122° 17.347'

The Army

Monday, August 11, 2008

A Call to Arms!

I hereby sanction the use of your story... In honor of a site dead and
gone, that I loved, I now solicit your lowbrow moment.

A friend once said that everyone has a story. A person is known for
telling that story, and others, often, will beg for the person to tell
it again. Culturally, it's been a way for people to introduce themselves
-- or to be introduced - to new people.

"Hey, tell John that story about how when you..."

"Oh! This is John. He's the guy that..."

Everyone has one of those stories. Tell me yours.

Email your story to: SubmitMyStory@DudeThatSucks.com.

Anonymity is key. Your story will be posted as is, without changes /
modifications / alterations. This means that if you submit a story with
a name in it... THAT NAME WILL BE POSTED! If you wish to remain
anonymous then do not submit your name with your post.

Instructions are below...

Be degenerate.
Be anonymous. Or not.
Confess your sins.
Unload your conscience.
Share your fantasy.
Share your shame.

Monday, August 04, 2008

Family Abuse!

Customers phone not working...
He complains to sister...
Sister is VERY nice and agrees to call tech support on his behalf.
He's at home. She's at home. They do not live together, or even in the
same city!
I'm on the phone with her, she's texting him. And he's replying by text
to her.
It's taking FOREVER!
She's waiting for him to text. She's impatient, but keeps waiting.
Did I mention that she is a very nice person.
She's screaming at the phone, waiting for his text. "What the hell can
you possibly be doing?! It was a Yes or No question!"
She's really mad now.
Then I hear, "GOD DAMNIT" followed by a loud crashing sound and the
phone line goes dead.
I think the lady threw her own phone. Good going, dumbass, now you have
no way to call us either.
Do you have another family member that will call in so you can text?

The War On Terror?

Are we fighting a war on terror or aren't we? Was it or was it not
started by Islamic people who brought it to our shores on September 11,
2001?
Were people from all over the world, mostly Americans, not brutally
murdered that day, in downtown Manhattan , across the Potomac from our
nation's capitol and in a field in Pennsylvania? Did nearly three
thousand men, women and children die a horrible, burning or crushing
death that day, or didn't they? And I'm supposed to care that a copy of
the Koran was 'desecrated' when an overworked American soldier kicked it
or got it wet? Well, I don't. I don't care at all. I'll start caring
when Osama bin Laden turns himself in and repents for incinerating all
those innocent people on 9/11. I'll care about the Koran when the
fanatics in the Middle East start caring about the Holy Bible, the mere
possession of which is a crime in Saudi Arabia. I'll care when these
thugs tell the world they are sorry for hacking off Nick Berg's head
while Berg screamed through his gurgling slashed throat. I'll care when
the cowardly so-called 'insurgents' in Iraq come out and fight like men
instead of disrespecting their own religion by hiding in mosques. I'll
care when the mindless zealots who blow themselves up in search of
nirvana care about the innocent children within range of their suicide
bombs. I'll care when the American media stops pretending that their
First Amendment liberties are somehow derived from international law
instead of the United States Constitution's Bill of Rights. In the
meantime, when I hear a story about a brave marine roughing up an Iraqi
terrorist to obtain information, know this: I don't care

When I see a fuzzy photo of a pile of naked Iraqi prisoners who have
been humiliated in what amounts to a college-hazing incident, rest
assured: I don't care.

When I see a wounded terrorist get shot in the head when he is told not
to move because he might be booby-trapped, you can take it to the bank:
I don't care.

When I hear that a prisoner, who was issued a Koran and a prayer mat,
and fed 'special' food that is paid for by my tax dollars, is
complaining that his holy book is being 'mishandled,' you can absolutely
believe in your heart of hearts: I don't care.

And oh, by the way, I've noticed that sometimes it's spelled 'Koran' and
other times 'Quran.' Well, Jimmy Cracked Corn and -you fucking guessed
it- I don't care!!

'Some people spend an entire lifetime wondering if they made a
difference in the world. But, the Marines don't have that problem' --
Ronald Reagan
'If we ever forget that we're One Nation Under God, then we will be a
nation gone under.' Also by.. Ronald Reagan

WTMF?

NAMPA - A Canyon County deputy is recovering after an accident on
Highway 45.

It happened around 4:30 Sunday afternoon near Bigfoot Road south of
Nampa.

The Canyon County Sheriff's Office says the 29-year-old deputy was
responding to a gun call in the Melba area and swerved to miss a turning
vehicle.

The patrol car went into a ditch then rolled.

Idaho State Police say they are still investigating the crash and have
not issued any citations at this time.

Oh Kay... look, dumbass. You fkn rolled a COP CAR!! How the fk did you
manage that?! What? Low tire? Error between the wheel and the seat?
What? FK! You gotta be some kind of fkn special to roll a fkn cop car!
It's just a good fkn thing that happened in Canyon County where my tax
dollars won't go to fix it! I'm so disgusted! It's utterly ridiculous!
You can't possibly (under normal conditions, and yes, the roads were
DRY) roll a fkn police cruiser! Unbelievable. I have to just quit
writing because I'm just getting more upset, FK! AHHH!!! GR! That's it,
okay, I'm done. DUMBASS!

UnFKN REAL!

JACKSONVILLE, Fla. (AP) -- The sauce for a spicy Italian sandwich was
apparently a must have for one Florida man. The man, Reginald Peterson,
called 911 twice, TWICE!... after a sandwich shop left off the sauce.

Peterson initially called the emergency number Thursday so that officers
could have his subs made correctly, according to a police report. The
second call was to complain that police officers weren't arriving fast
enough.

Subway workers told police that Peterson, 42, became belligerent and
yelled when they were fixing his order. They locked him out of the store
when he left to call police.

When officers arrived, they tried to calm Peterson and explain the
proper use of 911. Those efforts failed, and he was arrested on a charge
of making false 911 calls.

Study: Restaurant kids' meals loaded with calories.

11:28 AM MDT on Monday, August 4, 2008

Associated Press

WASHINGTON - Healthy kids' meals at top restaurant chains are slim
pickings, according to a report by a nonprofit public health group.

Nearly every possible combination of the children's meals at Kentucky
Fried Chicken, Taco Bell, Sonic, Jack in the Box, and Chick-fil-A are
too high in calories, the report by the Center for Science in the Public
Interest said.

The report, scheduled for release Monday in Washington, looked into the
nutritional quality of kids' meals at 13 major restaurant chains. The
center found 93 percent of 1,474 possible choices at the 13 chains
exceed 430 calories -- an amount that is one-third of what the National
Institute of Medicine recommends that children ages 4 through 8 should
consume in a day.

For example, Chili's Bar and Grill has 700 possible kids' meal
combinations, but 658, or 94 percent, of those are too high in calories.
One Chili's meal comprised of country-fried chicken crispers, cinnamon
apples and chocolate milk contained 1,020 calories, while another
comprised of cheese pizza, homestyle fries, and lemonade contained 1,000
calories. Burger King has a "Big Kids" meal with a double cheeseburger,
fries, and chocolate milk at 910 calories, and Sonic has a "Wacky Pack"
with 830 calories worth of grilled cheese, fries, and a slushie.

While there are some healthy choices on restaurant menus, "parents have
to navigate a minefield of calories, fat and salt to find them," the
report said.

Subway's kids' meals came out the best among the chains examined in the
report. Only 6 of 18 "Fresh Fit for Kids" meals -- which include a
mini-sub, juice box, and one of several healthful side items such as
apple slices, raisins or yogurt -- exceed the 430-calorie threshold. But
Subway is the only chain that doesn't offer soft drinks with kids'
meals, which helped lower the calorie count.

The report recommends restaurants:

-- Reformulate their menu items to reduce calories, saturated and trans
fat, and salt, and add more healthy items like fruits, vegetables, and
whole grains.

-- Make fruit or vegetables and low-fat milk or water the default sides
instead of French fries and soda for children's meals.

-- Provide nutrition on menus and menu boards. New York and San
Francisco are among the cities and localities that have adopted menu
labeling policies.

Other restaurant chains included in the report are Wendy's, Dairy Queen,
Arby's and Denny's.

Six leading restaurant chains -- Applebee's, TGIFriday's, Outback
Steakhouse, Olive Garden, Red Lobster and IHOP (International House of
Pancakes) -- weren't included in the report because they do not disclose
nutrition information about their meals even when asked, the center
said.