I must really be special. My whole department gets canned, except for me. I feel so alone! And, I don't know where the light switch is, so its dark in here. Boo

Things to ponder

Do you ever sit and ponder your own existence? Just for something to
think about. When you have a job like mine, you will give almost
anything for something new to think about. I've been mulling over
everything from the ionization of oxygen to photosynthesis to the
manufacturing of graham crackers... it really is strange to search for
things to think about. Sometimes I'm lucky enough for something to
just pop into my head, like mortality, but then again, whats worse to
think about than death? And what good timing to get my horrorscope...
and it says, "Stop waiting for something exciting, get out there and
make your own news!" WTH? Who comes up with this shit anyway? Really?
Make my own news? Holy crap! Someone is trying to get me to kill
myself! OMG there really IS a conspiracy! I always knew there was. It
started with turnips. Ever eaten one? It'll make you wish you hadn't!
Speaking of turnips, there are some brussel sprouts in the fridge at
home... the wife likes em... truly likes them... I guess I've never
eaten them because they sound and look nasty. I guess I'm gonna have
to try them because that's what I tell the kids... You have to try or
you will never know. So even though I don't want to... May the force
be with me.
On a more positive note, I must say (without trying to sound
conceited) I really am beginning to slim and look amazing! :) I'm not
quite sure why I ever let it go that far, but damn, that was dumb.
Although, I can say that I really enjoyed some delicious indulgences!
I will probably miss them terribly but my new body is worth it. Fk
that... I AM worth it! Ya know the other thing I've been thinking
about... Christmas. It's only a couple days away now and I feel like
there are things I should be doing. But I am done with my shopping,
the presents got wrapped and stowed away and Santa is a few pounds
lighter this year thanks to a contest at work. I'm in the process of
molding blocks with my Christmas present so I can make buildings for a
little village. The blocks are made of plaster which is turning out to
be really cool and they are very detailed. Some look like river rocks,
Some like roofing tiles and some like bricks. It's gonna be really
cool to see this whole thing come together. I am very excited! And the
fact that I have had this week off of school was a huge blessing
because I get to work on my buildings AND because I was able to
replace my brakes and rotors on the van, they were grinding really
bad!
Oh and just an FYI to all of my faithful readers. DudeThatSucks will
soon be retired and a new name will crop up... an improved design and
better layout with more personal graphics, designed by ME! The new
page may also include a bio, portfolio, video diary, sample works and
perhaps even a section for free taste tests. Not for your face, more
for you to sink your imaginations teeth into. A section where fallacy
becomes real and the impossible is poss... fk that, the impossible is
just that, fkn impossible! What the hell kinda twisted shit do you
think I run here? We'll just stick with the possible for now. :D
Sounds like fun tho huh?! YEA! If you happen to have any good ideas
for the new name of my site, it's still up in the air, please send me
your ideas at WebNames@dudethatsucks.com I'd really appreciate any
help you can provide! Thanks again! And until next time blog on!

Another four pounds gone and I noticed this morning that my other chin is slowly decreasing. Yup, good news! Now if I could get this damn weight off... Only 35 more pounds to lose. I hope it gets easier! Cuz this road is bullshit man! They all told me that I would feel better if I lose weight... And I do, sorta... Just not the way I expected to feel better, you know, more energy or stamina or lust for life... Nope, not here. Just looking better. Maybe the other symptoms will present after a few more pounds... Who knows? And till then fk it! I am feeling great about the way I look and thats enough to keep me going. At least for now. So another day spent lost in pondering.

So, it just occured to me that time can make things funny AND not funny. Let me explain... Somethings are funny when they happen, right? Yet other things are only funny days, months or years later... Dont you think thats wierd that time not only alters our perception of things but also changes the way they tickle us... Hmmm. Just a little food for thought.

Then I get my horrorscope, Taurus, Dec 16:
The answer isn't that obvious. So don't worry if you don't get it right away...

So, there I was minding my own, when it just popped into my head... Death. Like, 'I need to fill out a will and testament' kinda crap. WTH? Am I going under soon? Someone out to get me? How do you read into something like that? And this morning I was dreaming about my dads old car, and the farm tractor. I am not sure what all this means but it is doing a good job of making me feel finite and mortal!
And who does a guy have to bang to get some fkn cocoa up in this bitch? Fo sho, gonna need some cocoa!
I actually got some goods out of my illustrator class tho... Bout time too, cus that crap was getting frustrating! Its nice to know, when you're on your own that you can always lean on a program to lift your spirits. Well, if you are like me and really enjoy your computer. lol. Anyway, good luck to me with the will... I hope I get it done in time.

Amazed!

Ya know how sometimes you come across someone who is truly selfless
and inspiring, and you think to yourself, "I could be like that" or "I
would do the same thing in that situation".... Quit lying to yourself,
you aren't like that and you couldn't do what they do in that
situation. I know, it's tough to face the truth but if you can't even
be honest with yourself what the hell makes you think you could be as
selfless as they are? Stupid.
And how many times have you said to yourself or someone else "he (or
she) is the most amazing person I've ever met!" Seriously, how many
times? I can count the number of times I have on one hand... probably
even 2 fingers. And when you realize that the person you are looking
at, the very person sitting across the table from you, could very well
be the most amazing person you've ever met, it changes you. You become
a slightly better version of yourself, you change and are now one step
closer to being the best that you can be. No dumbass, I'm not talking
about joining the Army. Sheesh, keep up will ya! I'm talking about
humility and self actualization. I know it is a tough concept but just
try and stick with me for one more second. You really do change. It's
like going to a shelter and feeding the homeless, or eating your very
first Klondike Bar... It's just one of those experiences that every
person should have before they die. I'm not talking about watching the
starving people in Africa, or seeing someone on the news that got hit
by a car. I'm talking about real, absolute experiences that make you
step back and re-analyze your life.
We are all constantly changing. Personalities are not stagnate. They
morph and adapt to how our surroundings are today, right now. Even as
you read this your own personality may be changing. All we can hope
for is that the changes that happen are good changes, positive
attributes becoming more awesome and negative ones making the turn.
What is even more amazing is when that change hits you like you just
walked into a house that smells like cookies! And that is exactly how
it was for me.... I picked my jaw up off the floor and I knew
instantly that something in me had just changed, I felt different...
amazing... I was in awe. It was the second most amazing feeling ever!
I am still wrapping my mind around the whole experience!

Two things are guarantied to piss me off... Lie to me or omit the truth. You know what, fuck you! I know! How ya like that, huh? You piece of shit! You're not worth the toilet paper I wiped my ass with! Fucking loser!

Christians... Abort!! ABORT!!

What do I dislike about theism?…Let me count the ways…

But first, let me just say that I am in no way an atheist. I do, in fact, believe in God... Just not the ill-conceived religions thought up by greedy, bureaucratic, 'sinners'!

I dislike the hypocrisy, the corruption, the greed and the lies. I dislike the worship of ignorance, the glorification of idiocy, the wild-eyed hatred of progress and the fear of education, which send the faithful shrieking, vampire-like, from the light of knowledge. I dislike the way in which prejudice is passed off as holiness. The way superstition is peddled as wisdom. The way intolerance is raised to the lofty heights of "Truth". I dislike how hatred is taught as love, how fear is instilled as kindness, how slavery is pressed as freedom, and how contempt for life is dressed up and adored as spirituality. I dislike the shackles religions place on the mind, corrupting the believer until they are so trapped and lost in their own prison that they lose sight of the person that they were. So lost and self-loathing, so bereft of hope or pride, that they can look into the hallucinated face of their imaginary oppressor and feel unbounded love and gratitude for the additional suffering it has declined, as yet, to visit upon them. I dislike people's need for a communal delusion, like drug addicts who unite just to share the same needle. I dislike the way reason is abhorred as a vice and reality is decreed to be a matter of convenience. The way common sense and ordinary human decency get re-named "holy law" and advertised as the sole province of the faithful. I dislike religions' wholesale theft of any number of ancient mythologies, only to turn around and proclaim how "unique" their doctrine is. I dislike how intelligence is held as suspect and inquiry is reviled as a high crime. I dislike the pillaging of the impoverished, the extortion of the gullible, the manipulation of the ignorant and the domination of the weak. I dislike the invention of sins for the satisfaction of those who desire to punish. I dislike the demonization of unbelievers. The ill-concealed hate of those who try to convert you. The hysterical rants of holy rollers. The wigged-out warnings of psychic healers. The dismantling of public education via religious school vouchers. The erosion of civil rights by theocratic right-wingers. The righteous wrath of gun-toting true believers. The destruction wrought by holy warriors. The apocalyptic prophesies of un-medicated messiahs. Most of all, though, I dislike the certain knowledge that religion, in one grotesque form or other, will be with us so long as there is a single dark, cobwebbed corner of the human imagination that a believer can stuff a god into.

Fwd: FW: Tool Dictionary

Just thought this was too funny not to share!

Tool Dictionary

DRILL PRESS: A tall upright machine useful for suddenly snatching flat metal bar stock out of your hands so that it smacks you in the chest and flings your soda across the room, splattering it against that freshly-stained heirloom piece you were drying.

WIRE WHEEL: Cleans paint off bolts and then throws them somewhere under the workbench with the speed of light. Also removes fingerprints and hard-earned guitar callouses from fingers in about the time it takes you to say, 'Yeouw....'

ELECTRIC HAND DRILL: Normally used for spinning pop rivets in their holes until you die of old age, or for perforating something behind and beyond the original intended target object.

SKIL SAW: A portable cutting tool used to make studs too short.

PLIERS: Used to round off bolt heads. Sometimes used in the creation of blood-blisters.

BELT SANDER: An electric sanding tool commonly used to convert minor touch-up jobs into major refinishing jobs. Caution: Avoid using for manicures.

HACKSAW: One of a family of cutting tools built for frustration enhancement. It transforms human energy into a crooked, unpredictable motion, and the more you attempt to influence its course, the more dismal your future becomes.

VISE-GRIPS: Generally used after pliers to completely round off bolt heads. If nothing else is available, they can also be used to transfer intense welding heat to the palm of your hand.

WELDING GLOVES: Heavy duty leather gloves used to prolong the conduction of intense welding heat to the palm of your hand.

OXYACETYLENE TORCH: Used almost entirely for lighting various flammable objects in your shop on fire. Also handy for igniting the grease inside the wheel hub you want the bearing race out of.

WHITWORTH SOCKETS: Once used for working on older British cars and motorcycles, they are now used mainly for impersonating that 9/16 or 1/2 socket you've been searching for the last 45 minutes.

TABLE SAW: A large stationary power tool commonly used to launch wood projectiles for testing wall integrity.

HYDRAULIC FLOOR JACK: Used for lowering an automobile to the ground after you have installed your new brake shoes, trapping the jack handle firmly under the bumper.

EIGHT-FOOT LONG YELLOW PINE 4X4: Used for levering an automobile upward off of a trapped hydraulic jack handle.

TWEEZERS: A tool for removing wood splinters and wire wheel wires.

E-Z OUT BOLT AND STUD EXTRACTOR: A tool ten times harder than any known drill bit that snaps neatly off in bolt holes thereby ending any possible future use.

RADIAL ARM SAW: A large stationary power saw primarily used by most shops to scare neophytes into choosing another line of work.

TWO-TON ENGINE HOIST: A tool for testing the maximum tensile strength of everything you forgot to disconnect.

CRAFTSMAN 1/2 x 24-INCH SCREWDRIVER: A very large pry bar that inexplicably has an accurately machined screwdriver tip on the end opposite the handle.

AVIATION METAL SNIPS: See hacksaw.

TROUBLE LIGHT: The home mechanic's own tanning booth. Sometimes called a drop light, it is a good source of vitamin D, 'the sunshine vitamin,' which is not otherwise found under cars at night. Health benefits aside, its main purpose is to consume 40- watt light bulbs at about the same rate that 105mm howitzer shells might be used during, say, the first few hours of the Battle of the Bulge. More often dark than light, its name is somewhat misleading. The accessory socket within the base, has been permanently rendered useless, unless requiring a source of 117vac power to shock the mechanic
senseless.

PHILLIPS SCREWDRIVER: Normally used to stab the vacuum seals under lids, opening old-style paper-and-tin oil cans and splashing oil on your shirt; but can also be used, as the name implies, to strip out Phillips screw heads.

STRAIGHT SCREWDRIVER: A tool for opening paint cans. Sometimes used to convert common slotted screws into non-removable screws.

AIR COMPRESSOR: A machine that takes energy produced in a coal-burning power plant 200 miles away and transforms it into compressed air that travels by hose to a Chicago Pneumatic impact gun that grips rusty bolts which were last over tightened 40 years ago by someone at VW, and instantly rounds off their heads. Also used to quickly snap off lug nuts.

PRY BAR: A tool used to crumple the metal surrounding that clip or bracket you needed to remove in order to replace a 50 cent part.

HOSE CUTTER: A tool used to make hoses too short.

HAMMER: Originally employed as a weapon of war, the hammer nowadays is used as a kind of divining rod to locate the most expensive parts adjacent to the object we are trying to hit.

MECHANIC'S KNIFE: Used to open and slice through the contents of cardboard cartons delivered to your front door; works particularly well on contents such as seats, vinyl records, liquids in plastic bottles, collector magazines, refund checks, and rubber or plastic parts. Especially useful for slicing work clothes, but only while in use. It is also useful for removing large chunks of human flesh from the user's hands.

DAMMIT TOOL: (I have lot's of these) Any handy tool that you grab and throw across the garage while yelling 'DAMMIT' at the top of your lungs. It is also, most often, the next tool that you will need after a really big hammer.

If you want a dose of how insignificant you really are, consider how advanced computers are, then realize that we still can't engineer a working brain, let alone get it to control 300+ muscles, control its mouth, emotions, thoughts, eyes and analyze the 7 wonders of the world at the same time. That would make even the best computers crash. Course I'm speaking of the advanced nature of the human body and the greatness of our creator! It really astounds me that we are such sophisticated beings. And ... It's really nice to be at the top of the food chain! God bless everyone! Thats it for my thanksgiving speal.

So I got my very first Mac yesterday. Lemme just say I was blown away by all the cool shit it does! It seems really stable and packed with stuff I didn't expect, like the multi-touch trackpad! One finger to move the mouse, two to scroll, three to pan, four to open the application nav screen or dashboard! Microcrap never thought of this? WTH? The gui is a little cumbersome for
me because I've never used the Mac OS before, but I'm catching on quick. I installed the network printer in 2 clicks, and installed a bunch of other stuff too, its so dang easy! I really enjoyed it last night and I can't wait to get more time on it!

I'm not kidding you, this girl at work is so fat, there are grooves in the concrete floor from her chair.

Ya know how sometimes you feel like ya got a marble loose upstairs... well I feel like my marbles are in a blender, on high, mixing with vodka. Wow... What a day it will be today. Bring IT!

What a beautiful Tuesday! Can't wait to be off work so I can go home and workout!

So I went to the bathroom, it smelled really bad. Ya know how bad smells sometimes linger in your nose? Well, 20 mins later I could still smell it! Then I realized I accidentally got a little on my mustache.

I'm bored with tv dinners for lunches... Plus the fact that the sodium is so high its crazy. Mtn dew has 100mg per 20 oz... Banquette Salisbury Steak has over 1100!! 43% of your allowance for the whole day!! The swedish meatballs was only slightly better at 1040mg! Now what am I to do? BAH!!

So, I just entered a 'Biggest Loser' contest at work... It ends Jan 1. If I can quit smoking AND mtn dew, this should be easy, right? :-X

Still fighting a dang headache... Going on 4 days now, or is it 5? OMG I'm so sick and tired of being sick and tired!

Do you think it's possible for someone to fall asleep and begin dreaming in 12 minutes? I swear it just happened to me. I am exhausted, emotionally drained, and I'm ready to just give up. I don't want drama anymore. I just want peace... My eyes are burning, my breathing is slow, my limbs are lagging all because I'm so tired.

Why can't my wife be a little more LA? Gotta be all uptight about things... I don't understand it, but it really pisses me off most days... Is it really THAT hard? REALLY? I'm just trying to get thru another day... Just today, and her making it worse is NOT helping! I just want a peaceful day, just one. I wanna feel like home is where I want to be... Not where I go just because I have to. And right about now... I go there because it's where I sleep. Sometimes it gets better but not usually for long... *sigh*. Well, back to work then... So long for now.

OMG!! It has been far too long since I updated my blog!

Sit Down, Shut Up

Well.... it seems I'm on the crest of another great adventure. The kind where you get to wake up at 4 am to catch a flight, to catch another flight, to catch a bus, to catch a boat. A big boat. A cruise ship. Loaded with awesome food.. all the food you can eat. Relax and enjoy no cell service for the whole week.
Except that my journey doesn't include a flight, a bus, a boat or good food to eat for a week and my damn cell phone won't quit ringing! Ya know, this is starting to sound like my normal life... this ain't no damn vacation. No fkn adventure! I'm stuck with this damn phone that won't shut the hell up!
I must have been dreaming. Dreaming of a wave crashing on my back while I drown peacefully. Alone! Without this fkn phone!
Okay, well... I'm sure you've had enough of my phone issues. Lets move on. School... *sigh* yeah, about that. Fk that, lets move on to something more fun... something like 'waving at a stranger with your shirt over your head and your man-tits hanging out'. That would be exhilarating... and really repulsive. No one wants to see your man-tits. EVER. We really should move on to something else now.
Lets reflect on the last couple months... That's a good idea.
February...
*cue the crickets*
yup, nothing happened.
March...
*cue the retarded crickets that sound like Led Zeppelin on weed*
yup, worse than February... but still nothing.
April...
So far, just more god damn crickets!! Oh wait... that cricket kinda sounds like... MY FKN CELL PHONE! GAH!!!! MUTHER FKR!!!

There is no escape. The phone... it haunts my dreams... it scares the demons that wake me in the morning... it stops the waves that crash on my back. DAMNIT!! LEAVE ME ALONE!

*more crickets*

Oh, the whole phone thing... it's actually quite the opposite. No one ever calls me. and if they did, I couldn't answer anyway, I don't have enough minutes. Unless they're on verizon... but most of them aren't. The glass is not half full, the fkr's broken and stabs me in the foot when I get up in the middle of the night to go to the bathroom. Then I slip in my own blood and crack my head on the toilet. The dirty toilet. I think I have a pube in my ear... nope, just more blood. Ew, wait, what the hell??? What's this in my mouth... ah gawd, ugg, oh jesus, it is... there's a pube in my mouth, a long one, cuz it's been a really long time since I trimmed. I should trim, and have cake. I like cake (cake sans pubes, that is). Mmmmm tres leches cake... with a fat juicy steak. Oooo or a thick juicy hamburger with fries. Big fries! With Red Robins frysauce! OMG I could sure use a drink right now. I should grab a dew. Naw, it's too late... 10pm is no time to be drinking. It's time for bed. G'night ya'll. Sweet dreams.

*slips peacefully into a quiet slumber then all-a-sudden Gags on second pube*

The Solomn Road

It is with a heavy heart that I begin my post today. My grandfather has fallen ill. The outcome is bleak. There have been more trips to the hospital than days filled with joy and more pain than happiness, yet through it all he has one request, to see all of him family, one more time. I'm sorrowful. Not for a man that lived his life to a ripe age, but more for my dad who will soon lose his father. A father who raised him to be proud of hard work and respect those around him. A father who is so proud of his children that he beams even to say their names. My dad will soon have to say goodbye to a father who was the rock in his life. A father who was himself raised to cherish honor, dignity and respect. A father who will be missed but never forgotten. I am also sorrowful for my dear grandmother who is losing her husband of almost seventy years. A husband who she has loved and hated, smiled with and cried with, shared the greatest highs and the deepest lows with. A husband who is more to her than a man. He is her world, her everything. I weep deeply for her. I wish I could prevent her pain. I wish my father would never have to endure the death of his father. I grieve for a family that will lose the deepest root of their tree. For my grandfather, I wish him no more pain. No more agonizing trips to the hospital only to come home weaker and less stable. No more struggling for breath or becoming exhausted from normal activities. No more pain. I wish him all that heaven can offer, and damnit, if there are 42 virgins waiting for him... I wish for him to have a huge bottle of viagra.

Grandpa,
You are more important than you know, to more people than you can imagine. You have had so many trials but you have always overcome them with zest and come out the other side stronger. You are a huge inspiration to all who have known you. You have created a bond stronger than death and more persistent than this mortal world. A bond that your children have passed on to their children. A bond that has fused us all together. We are proud to call you family.

May the road ahead be paved with gold and may you drive it in a Lincoln. May you never want for anything. May you have all that your heart desires. May your cup overflow with love and may your heart always be full enough to share it.

We all love you and will miss you dearly.