Cyclical Existence

February 27, 2008. It seems that since I quit smoking my temper has become increasingly short-fused. I have tried to relax, take a breather, count to ten... but I just can't fix stupid! I have lost my grip on life. I can't remember the last time cooked because I really wanted to or played a pc game for more than an hour. I feel like all my creativity has been sucked out of me. I want to scream. I want to sleep for 9 days and wake up in a new existence. I don't like what I've become. I still smile, but it seems that they are becoming fewer and farther between. Even when I muster a laugh it seems almost forced, as if I were pushing air into a full tire. I have no passion for anything right now. I'm being stifled and restrained. It's disgusting. I can't imagine myself really REALLY enjoying something. I think I am but then it just becomes another thing. Something else I 'have' to do. Someone else I 'have' to please. Well you know what, sometimes I just need some time for me I just want to enjoy my life... WTF is it for if you aren't enjoying anything? I'm sick and tired of the harping, the whining, the bitching, the nagging, the obligations, and all the fkn you 'have' to's. June 1, 2012. I'm not sure why this didn't get posted over four years ago, but it's weird that I still feel mostly the same... I really need a different path.