What does it take to alter the fabric of your reality. For one person it may not be as much as you would think. Consider this, if something that you knew to be true, tested and tried and firmly believed in, were a complete lie, how would you handle it? What if you found out that this thing you completely believed in was made up? Think of a belief that you know to be true, such as a death of a loved one. What if the death was not from natural causes... What if it was a murder, what if it was you that murdered them? Never having recollection of the events but someone showed you video proof that you did in fact, murder your loved one. Think about it. Would that alter your sense of truth?
Our lives are like a quilt, started by our parents and shaped and designed by the ones closest to us. Eventually we become our own unique entity, separate from everyone else in the world, but molded in the same fashion. Shaped by the same things and contorted by what we believe. 'We hold these truths to be self evident.' Isn't that written somewhere important? The truths we hold are rarely self evident and seldomly true. What if you felt a vital thread of your quilt being ripped from it, slowly. Slowly tearing you apart. Call it 'normal wear and tear.' Maybe that was the thread that makes you believe in miracles. Or maybe it was the one held your values close to your quilt.
My quilt seems to be patchwork. Many different pieces, gathered throughout the years, to make me whole. Twice in my life, that I recall, I have had to gather additional pieces and thread and stitch together some vital part of my being. It seems though now that I may have missed a piece that should have been collected years ago. I have never noticed it missing until today. There is something physically wrong with me. Not life threatening, at least I hope not, but my body is starting to show signs that are unmistakable. I have lived my entire 27 years, without so much as a consideration to this and now it has hit me square in the face. I think everyone reaches a point in their life where they feel that nothing can go wrong. I know I have. I lived in that bubble for many years and now I am changing. What would it take to make a man feel like less of a man or a woman to feel like less than a woman? I am not concerned for my physical well-being as much as I am for my mental well-being. I consider myself healthy (for the most part) and trust that my body will take care of what it can. I am concerned that the 'fight or flee' aspect of my brain will choose to flee. I cannot hide from myself. I spent most of my childhood doing that and I will not allow it any longer. My only other option is to face it, deal with it and fight. The question then becomes; how do you fight something that you cannot punch, pound, smack, shoot, slaughter, maim, or at least disgrace by spitting on it? It's like fighting a feeling. How do you fight against anger, resentment, fear, or hate? They say you should fight fire with fire. And what? Make a blazing inferno? You cannot fight fire with fire, nor the opposite. Fighting fire with ice is almost as effective, as ice will not put out a fire until it melts and becomes water. So the answer seems simple... Fight fire with water. Likewise, you should not fight hate with hate nor fight hate with love, but rather fight hate with kindness. So if my problem is fear and the opposite of fear is anticipation, there is a middle ground that I'll pinpoint as analyzing. I should then fight my fear with my analytical tendencies. I have realized that I'm not afraid of heights, I'm afraid of being up high on something that is not safe, like a defective ladder or shaky scaffold. Maybe I just need to analyze this more and draw some conclusions. While I analyze this analyzation I must remind myself, don't be to analytical. I just used the prefix 'anal' three times in the same sentence, BAH!
Our lives are like a quilt, started by our parents and shaped and designed by the ones closest to us. Eventually we become our own unique entity, separate from everyone else in the world, but molded in the same fashion. Shaped by the same things and contorted by what we believe. 'We hold these truths to be self evident.' Isn't that written somewhere important? The truths we hold are rarely self evident and seldomly true. What if you felt a vital thread of your quilt being ripped from it, slowly. Slowly tearing you apart. Call it 'normal wear and tear.' Maybe that was the thread that makes you believe in miracles. Or maybe it was the one held your values close to your quilt.
My quilt seems to be patchwork. Many different pieces, gathered throughout the years, to make me whole. Twice in my life, that I recall, I have had to gather additional pieces and thread and stitch together some vital part of my being. It seems though now that I may have missed a piece that should have been collected years ago. I have never noticed it missing until today. There is something physically wrong with me. Not life threatening, at least I hope not, but my body is starting to show signs that are unmistakable. I have lived my entire 27 years, without so much as a consideration to this and now it has hit me square in the face. I think everyone reaches a point in their life where they feel that nothing can go wrong. I know I have. I lived in that bubble for many years and now I am changing. What would it take to make a man feel like less of a man or a woman to feel like less than a woman? I am not concerned for my physical well-being as much as I am for my mental well-being. I consider myself healthy (for the most part) and trust that my body will take care of what it can. I am concerned that the 'fight or flee' aspect of my brain will choose to flee. I cannot hide from myself. I spent most of my childhood doing that and I will not allow it any longer. My only other option is to face it, deal with it and fight. The question then becomes; how do you fight something that you cannot punch, pound, smack, shoot, slaughter, maim, or at least disgrace by spitting on it? It's like fighting a feeling. How do you fight against anger, resentment, fear, or hate? They say you should fight fire with fire. And what? Make a blazing inferno? You cannot fight fire with fire, nor the opposite. Fighting fire with ice is almost as effective, as ice will not put out a fire until it melts and becomes water. So the answer seems simple... Fight fire with water. Likewise, you should not fight hate with hate nor fight hate with love, but rather fight hate with kindness. So if my problem is fear and the opposite of fear is anticipation, there is a middle ground that I'll pinpoint as analyzing. I should then fight my fear with my analytical tendencies. I have realized that I'm not afraid of heights, I'm afraid of being up high on something that is not safe, like a defective ladder or shaky scaffold. Maybe I just need to analyze this more and draw some conclusions. While I analyze this analyzation I must remind myself, don't be to analytical. I just used the prefix 'anal' three times in the same sentence, BAH!
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