HUNKER SOLDIER!!

Damn, I get long winded some days.

The last 6 days have been quite trying to ones love and preservation of self. I have been nurturing to my children and my love, but there are somethings that love cannot cure. Such as the infection that has taken over my love's kidneys and bladder. She is now on some very strong antibiotics and continues her regimine of IB but still has very little energy and absolutely no drive (if you know what I'm sayin). It seems not to matter because her being sick has taught me a couple of things. I'm thankful for the lessons as I continue to grow and learn from my master teachers. Fear has got to be the best teacher I have. I know when I am scared of something that there is a lesson in the making. What stresses me most is that the lesson will not be learned to it's extent or as quickly as it should be. I will be the first to admit that I am a fkn moron sometimes! We all know this. It's nothing new and will never be anything new. Speaking of being scared of something; we were sitting in the doctors office today and I realized (once again) life is very precious. It dawned on me today that even as sure as we are of things, anything and everything can change... At any second. Your life can be completely fkd and then fate will twist the knife in the wound and you could be left bruised and bleeding with noone to turn to. Not that I have personally been put in that situation, ever, but it totally could happen. I sometimes have to bring myself back to reality because I seem to get lost in the world that I have created for myself and seem to enjoy quite feverishly. I love her. I seem to love her more with each passing day. I would do anything, short of harming my children (or hers), for her. Speaking of her children the four year old told me he loved me the other night, and it brought tears to my eyes. I have become attached to them to and they are quickly becoming as important to me as my own children are. If there were any better analogy for this I would use it but here goes; I was once told that if you truly love someone, unconditionally, you could see yourself growing old with them (this next part gets a little... um... ew, but read on) and you could see yourself taking care of them thru anything, even incontinence, should it come to that. I think that was the biggest run-on sentance I have ever done. I think it holds weight. I have seen couples in that stage of their lives where one is wiping the others ass because they could not do it themselves. Kinda nasty to think about but I would not want anyone else to wipe my ass should it come to that. To think of it now kinda makes me giggle. Picturing myself hunkered over a toilet in a half squat while she wipes my wrinkled, sagging, hairy ass.

Enough with the fear factor moment... I seem to recall having an awesome time in Le Bios. I met her sister, who I have heard SO much about. She is so much like her sister. OH and I met their children of which my favorite loves John Deere's and large trucks! I tought him a couple things about them and promised him that we would go for a ride on my cousin's REAL John Deere when I get moved down there. Oh and her husband freakin kicks ass too! He's into computers and does programming and such. OMFG! I just wanna download his brain to a harddrive and have it on hand for whatever, I told him that too. He thinks I'm a stalker freak, I'm sure... But I dun care! So yeah it was really kewl to be there again, and now even kewler with the thought of actually being able to move there and be there more permanetly. The children would have a good school to go to and they would already have friends there. We both have family over there and it would be an easy adjustment for almost everyone.

OMG look at the time, gotz ta hunker down soldier. The brown round is lookin for some relief and I need to bunk up. Later Ya'll!