strange uneasiness

I have been in a seminar all day today learning about 'good customer service'... WTF? My job has nothing to do with customers... EVER! I don't see them, talk to them, greet them or answer their questions. Why did I just waste 4 hours on learning how to 'appropriately provide customer service'? Makes no damn sense to me.
In other news. I feel terrible. Not like a sickness or disease, well maybe a disease, but not quite. Allow me to explain: I have run into an issue that I cannot figure out, it eludes even me and my infinite wisdom, or lack thereof. I am angry, but I know not why. Well, no I really do know why, but it makes no fkn sense to me at all. I wish I could just let go and let God. Ya know?
I just want to be myself and be in control. I am not, on either count. It's like the final round of the Olympics and you lose by a quarter of a nanosecond to some half-wit brain-dead dumbass, that has buck teeth and hair on the tip of his nose. You just cannot lose to someone like that, it does something to your moral fiber, like sand to mirror... Yeah, you can try to buff out all the scratches but in the end your left with less than perfect and far less than you started with. When something like that happens you really have no choice but to acknowledge your mishap and move on, right? What if you can't move on? What if the mistake was one that you will regret for the rest of your natural life, and maybe even longer?
I have lost my knack for letting go of stuff, I've looked everywhere for it, it's not in the freezer (where I left it last time) and it's not on the coat rack where I usually put it. I don't know where the hell it ran off to this time but I can't find it.
I have a lump in my throat that accompanies a strange uneasiness. The closest thing I can get to describe the feeling is, it's the same thing that happens to you right after you get scared out of your mind... Your heart is unsteady, you can barely swallow or breathe. I have that feeling constantly the last few days/weeks or months, I don't exactly remember. I feel like I'm walking on eggshells for no reason. Like I have to be careful what I say to whom, or they may freak out and hurt me.
I hate being isolated, but I fear what might happen if I'm not. I don't want to be the one to freak out, and I guess that's what scares me most. I have so many people in my life that I value exponentially, and I don't want to do or say anything that may jeopardize any of my current relationships.
In my emotional state I find it more and more difficult not to take it out on the children, and my girlfriend. The ones closest to you seem to be the easiest target for wrath. I hate that too.
I can't think straight right now... And if none of this made any sense, join the club, membership dues are $300 payable to yourself. Havanice day.