Can I not be me?

She was awake for less than 24 hours. She has sombered back into her coma. I can see the darkness closing in. My vision is becoming that of a tunnel. When I close my eyes, I see her face. When I open my eyes, I see her eyes; that radiant blue glow that used to provide solace to my soul, now causes it more pain than I have ever known. Her eyes are closing, I fear that I may never again feel that bliss and joy that I found in her. There is a connection that is beyond lust, and beyond love, a connection when two souls meet and form a bond closer and tighter than any, this is the type of connection that I shared with her. My soul and spirit have been broken for many months perhaps years, there has been a knawing deadness inside of me for a long time, a deadness that she was able to lift. I had found my luster for life, my passion for being, and a reason to set goals, I was me again. For the first time in years, I was me. I am not me, today. I don't know who I am, but it is not me. I have become a darkness.