My mind aches of nothingness. I have nothing to hold onto. My faith in life is diminishing. My eyes are swollen. My body is too dehydrated to cry anymore. The pain is deeper than I could have ever imagined. It pulls tears from the pit of my stomach and forces them out. My muscles are tense from stress and my head constantly burns. Even though I try to occupy myself, I think about her constantly. My mind refuses to be redirected. Life has become a trough of pain; sprinkled lightly with shards of hope that seem to hurt more than help. Hope will only take you so far, not very far, and in the end you get nowhere. I'm done with hope.
God, this is in your hands, as it has always been. I have always trusted you with my life and now I must trust you with hers. I trust that you know what's best, and that you will help me thru whatever decision you make; even, as bad as it hurts. Please God, you have had her for more than a week, I want her back! If you must take her, please allow me just 60 more years with her, that's all I ask. Please! She means the world to me. Please don't force me to go on without her. I can't bare it. It is slowly tearing the heart out of my body. I feel like a darkness is creeping inside of me. A darkness that I cannot sequester or master. I pray that you will lift the darkness from the one I love and then also from myself. God, you know that I love you and trust you, unconditionally, I merely ask this favor of you because your child is in need. She needs your help. I need your help.
Finally... I have reached a day whereby all those memories mean more to me than anything ~ And still, all this while you are not forgotten, and never will you be. I will always know your smile and anticipate the next time I will see it. I understood, that we have chosen different paths in our lives... Will our paths ever intertwine again? If I were to ask God to give me another chance, to let me go back to the past, can we restart our story... again? If I could just redo the last 6 years, oh how things would be different.
God, this is in your hands, as it has always been. I have always trusted you with my life and now I must trust you with hers. I trust that you know what's best, and that you will help me thru whatever decision you make; even, as bad as it hurts. Please God, you have had her for more than a week, I want her back! If you must take her, please allow me just 60 more years with her, that's all I ask. Please! She means the world to me. Please don't force me to go on without her. I can't bare it. It is slowly tearing the heart out of my body. I feel like a darkness is creeping inside of me. A darkness that I cannot sequester or master. I pray that you will lift the darkness from the one I love and then also from myself. God, you know that I love you and trust you, unconditionally, I merely ask this favor of you because your child is in need. She needs your help. I need your help.
Finally... I have reached a day whereby all those memories mean more to me than anything ~ And still, all this while you are not forgotten, and never will you be. I will always know your smile and anticipate the next time I will see it. I understood, that we have chosen different paths in our lives... Will our paths ever intertwine again? If I were to ask God to give me another chance, to let me go back to the past, can we restart our story... again? If I could just redo the last 6 years, oh how things would be different.
People say that when someone dies, they get one second to review their whole life. But I have 2 seconds, because the other second fully belongs to you. --Wong Hei, A Matter of Customs
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