Facades... Let me just start with that. It is human nature to put up a front, facade, bluff, disguise, mask, pretense, semblance, or whatever you want to call it. Everyone does it to different varying degrees. The true art of love is to see past the fakeness and into the real person behind it all. When you fall in love with a semblance of someone, you cannot truly love that person, because you only love that particular part of them. Tron, I think this was the downfall of the J relationship. Sometimes we are not given a choice. It is also human nature to protect oneself, from any and all threats that are out there. Hence, the barriers that are put in place when a relationship fails. There are many ways we do this and sometimes even unknowingly.
To love someone unconditionally, you must know them, the true them including any and all facades that they employ. By default we usually act differently in a work atmosphere than when we are with friends at home. That is a facade, one of many that people use. Acting more professional than we are naturally is usually required of us by our employer. Since jobs are a part of life we have began to accept this as normal behavior. What if it's not normal. What if the changes we go thru for employment are a part of what sculpts us all.
I once was told by a very close, trusted friend that if you wish to change your behaviors or thoughts, "Fake it till you make it!" If you wish to be more kind, act more kind until it is so deeply ingrained in you that you do it naturally. If you wish to be more professional, act it until it becomes a part of you. I have passed these words of advice to many who will listen and to fewer who will actually heed those wise words of counsel. But, is that not in fact, operating on a facade? Once you become the facade you are putting up, it is no longer just a facade tho. It becomes part of your root, part of who you are.
People change. This is just one of the ways that it happens. Have you noticed that after you have a job for several years, it becomes part of you. Your behaviors change because of the professionalism you have come to accept as normal. Or, in the case of other professions, the lack of professionalism becomes normal. Either way, you are better off or not, because of what you have experienced and how that has changed your life and outlook. I do not believe that people always change for the better. Another fact of life.
I guess the question is this: Are you willing to 'fake it till you make it'? Do you want to change how you are?
A little study that I ran into I must share with my readers.
The leg of a baby elephant is tied with a rope to a wooden post planted in the ground. The rope confines the baby elephant to an area determined by the length of the rope. Initially the baby elephant tries to break the rope, but the rope is too strong. The baby elephant "learns" that it can't break the rope. When the elephant grows up into a ten-ton colossus, it could easily break the same rope. But because it "learned" that it couldn't break the rope when it was a baby, it believes that it still can't break the rope, so it doesn't even try. So the largest elephant can be confined by the puniest little rope.
The same holds true for horses. Once a horses 'spirit' has been broken it will allow a saddle, bridle, spurs and the use of any other pain-causing device we can dream up to keep in manageable. Horses are naturally wild and free. As are we, naturally. Our spirit gets broken early, just like the horse. We are trained that we must obey our parents, schools, jobs, government, ect. What does that tell you about being human? Can we return to being 'free' after being setup for restrictions and limitations? Can you take a domesticated horse and turn it wild? I have not found a study that states one way or the other, but I'm fairly certain it would not end well. We have confinements setup by our parents, schools, jobs, government, ect. Some of these restrictions/guidelines are indeed, to help or protect us. Does it mean that they are always right for every individual? Good question, huh?! I certainly would not (as I've stated previously) recommend that you intentionally break any or all of these, but I would recommend that you analyze for yourself why you are adhering to these guidelines. Is it because it has been programmed in you to adhere? Do you have a choice?
To love someone unconditionally, you must know them, the true them including any and all facades that they employ. By default we usually act differently in a work atmosphere than when we are with friends at home. That is a facade, one of many that people use. Acting more professional than we are naturally is usually required of us by our employer. Since jobs are a part of life we have began to accept this as normal behavior. What if it's not normal. What if the changes we go thru for employment are a part of what sculpts us all.
I once was told by a very close, trusted friend that if you wish to change your behaviors or thoughts, "Fake it till you make it!" If you wish to be more kind, act more kind until it is so deeply ingrained in you that you do it naturally. If you wish to be more professional, act it until it becomes a part of you. I have passed these words of advice to many who will listen and to fewer who will actually heed those wise words of counsel. But, is that not in fact, operating on a facade? Once you become the facade you are putting up, it is no longer just a facade tho. It becomes part of your root, part of who you are.
People change. This is just one of the ways that it happens. Have you noticed that after you have a job for several years, it becomes part of you. Your behaviors change because of the professionalism you have come to accept as normal. Or, in the case of other professions, the lack of professionalism becomes normal. Either way, you are better off or not, because of what you have experienced and how that has changed your life and outlook. I do not believe that people always change for the better. Another fact of life.
I guess the question is this: Are you willing to 'fake it till you make it'? Do you want to change how you are?
A little study that I ran into I must share with my readers.
The leg of a baby elephant is tied with a rope to a wooden post planted in the ground. The rope confines the baby elephant to an area determined by the length of the rope. Initially the baby elephant tries to break the rope, but the rope is too strong. The baby elephant "learns" that it can't break the rope. When the elephant grows up into a ten-ton colossus, it could easily break the same rope. But because it "learned" that it couldn't break the rope when it was a baby, it believes that it still can't break the rope, so it doesn't even try. So the largest elephant can be confined by the puniest little rope.
The same holds true for horses. Once a horses 'spirit' has been broken it will allow a saddle, bridle, spurs and the use of any other pain-causing device we can dream up to keep in manageable. Horses are naturally wild and free. As are we, naturally. Our spirit gets broken early, just like the horse. We are trained that we must obey our parents, schools, jobs, government, ect. What does that tell you about being human? Can we return to being 'free' after being setup for restrictions and limitations? Can you take a domesticated horse and turn it wild? I have not found a study that states one way or the other, but I'm fairly certain it would not end well. We have confinements setup by our parents, schools, jobs, government, ect. Some of these restrictions/guidelines are indeed, to help or protect us. Does it mean that they are always right for every individual? Good question, huh?! I certainly would not (as I've stated previously) recommend that you intentionally break any or all of these, but I would recommend that you analyze for yourself why you are adhering to these guidelines. Is it because it has been programmed in you to adhere? Do you have a choice?
Once last little thing... If you notice the quotes on the left side of my page, you will also notice that they change very frequently. Todays quote was awesome!
If you love someone, set them free. If they come back they're yours; if they don't they never were. - Richard Bach
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