Dragged up from the Underworld

I used to wonder how my life would be without being married. I was in a comfortable, yet uncomfortable, groove in my marriage. It was acceptable that life was just that way, and I was willing to accept it. I love my children dearly and for them I would have stayed. I don't think she realized she was messing with a good thing... She was a stay at home mom of 2. Everything she needed or wanted was provided for her. Yeah, we argued, but who doesn't. I'm not so sure that she wasn't cheating on me, but I know I wasn't cheating on her. I couldn't have, it is one of those things wrapped so tightly in my moral fiber that it would have spun me into a depression like no other. It is completely against all that I believe, although sometimes I wonder if my children are mine. I love them all regardless, but that doubt looms over me, like a rain cloud over Eeyore. Do you know what it's like to live with that looming doubt? To constantly wonder what is really goin on? I guess it really doesn't matter now. It would change something in me, if I knew, and I'm not so sure that I even want to know. No, in fact, I don't want to know. That would kill me. I would feel distanced from my children who have grown to love me as their father. I will not let them down. *sighs of relief* That feels good just to have resolved that little issue.