December... REALLY?

I can't believe that it's already December 2008. I just got back from visiting my children and spending the weekend with family. What a great time. I should also thank my sis who paid for the gas AND let me borrow her van to drive around while we were there. Without her I would have stayed in Boise this weekend.

I had a great time playing cards and just hanging out. Who knew... a weekend with less than an hour on a pc was a ton of fun! I should write that down and try it again sometime.

NAH! :)

Yes we can - iSi pedimos!

It was a creed written into the founding documents that declared the destiny of a nation.

Yes we can.

It was whispered by slaves and abolitionists as they blazed a trail toward freedom.

Yes we can.

It was sung by immigrants as they struck out from distant shores and pioneers who pushed westward against an unforgiving wilderness.

Yes we can.

It was the call of workers who organized; women who reached for the ballots; a President who chose the moon as our new frontier; and a King who took us to the mountaintop and pointed the way to the Promised Land.

Yes we can to justice and equality.

Yes we can to opportunity and prosperity.

Yes we can heal this nation.

Yes we can repair this world.

Yes we can.

We know the battle ahead will be long, but always remember that no matter what obstacles stand in our way, nothing can stand in the way of the power of millions of voices calling for change.

We have been told we cannot do this by a chorus of cynics...they will only grow louder and more dissonant ........... We've been asked to pause for a reality check. We've been warned against offering the people of this nation false hope.

But in the unlikely story that is America, there has never been anything false about hope.

Now the hopes of the little girl who goes to a crumbling school in Dillon are the same as the dreams of the boy who learns on the streets of LA; we will remember that there is something happening in America; that we are not as divided as our politics suggests; that we are one people; we are one nation; and together, we will begin the next great chapter in the American story with three words that will ring from coast to coast; from sea to shining sea --
Yes. We. Can.

Things I've Learned

I have learned that the value of a drink depends on how your day has been.
I have learned that the value of love depends on if you get it but more so on if you give it.
I have learned that the value of family depends on how pissed off you were the last time you spoke.
I have learned that the value of a kiss depends on the last time you had one, and sometimes on the next time you think you will get one.
I have learned that the value of gas will fluctuate and that it doesn't matter how many times I say 'fluctuations' it still sounds like 'fk u asians'.
I have learned that the value of a dollar never meant as much as when I was a kid, standing at the gas station buying Swedish Fish. Damn, 95 of those things was a lot!
I have learned that the value of time changes when you have a lot to get done.
I have learned that the value of my car increases with every pound I put on.
I have learned that the value of a list decreased if you can't find the damn thing.
I have learned that the value of potatoes decreased when I can fit 3 whole ones in my mouth at the same time.

Bah!

Today I tried to cut all the seeds off of a strawberry... I soon found out that it was much like trying to cut the pedophile out of Michael Jackson. It may have been easier with some high voltage or maybe some handcuffs and a hot poker. Damn it, so I gave up and just ate the fkn things with the seeds on!

Where'd it go???

Well, the job market is proving softer than I thought. I have been looking very diligently and nothing is showing up. I have had a few really nice prospects but nothing pulls thru. It really sucks! I'm not sure how long I can go on like this... I have to find a job! Sure the time off has been really nice but I'm sick of feeling like I can't spend any money. Sometimes a man just needs a new keyboard, or hard drive! I can't help it. It's the facts of life.
So here's another story. Today is suppose to be around 80 degrees... So last night (in an effort to avoid using the ac today) I opened some windows and turned on a fan to cool down the house. It worked. It's so cold in the house that when I came out of my bedroom I think I sprained my left nut when it jumped into my abdomen. The house is now 51 degrees... it's currently 52 outside! A bit on the chilly side... so, I was forced to take action... I'm now sitting in the garage, where it's warmer. At least it's 68 in here... and with a warm laptop on my legs, I'm staying pretty comfortable. I'll need a nut massage later to heal the sprain but I think I'll make it thru.

The drama that rocked the nation.

The nation paused to mark the seventh anniversary of the Sept. 11
terrorist attacks with a heartfelt ceremony at ground zero and other
solemn remembrances around the country. This is my solemn tribute to the
men and women who died and for those who fought for their lives on that
dreadful day and the days following. May your memory live on forever in
the hearts and minds of every red blooded American. God be with you all.
-Yoshi

How I've been...

I was just responding to a friends message about how I am... and got to thinking about it. You know, for real. Then I wrote this email back.


Well, I'd love to tell you that my life is all roses and butterflies... but you know better.
I think the biggest thing about life is that you have to get to a point where you enjoy the journey, because once you get where you're going, that's it... you're done.
I struggle with the balance between being a good dad and being a good student. Between being a good decent model and disciplining my children properly. Between being a good husband and taking time for myself. I'm sure you've been there. I wouldn't say that my life is hard because it's certainly been worse, but I will say that it's a constant struggle and it's really nice to have memories to fall back on when you get into a position that you're not happy with.

Faded Memories.

I ran and ran, climbed and struggled, completely out of breath and finally reached the basement of our split level home, it was such a struggle, those damn stairs. All six of them, like a hill, taunting me and teasing me, but they would not win, not today, for I am about to enter my hiding spot... the one that NO ONE can find me in. This spot is the spot of all spots. I crouch, crawl, wiggle and finally come to rest behind the water heater... I'm so clever... they will never find me... I try desperately to stuff back the giggles that were trying so hard to escape. I can't laugh, not now, I'm in THE spot... I can't give it away. So I stifle every giggle, every gasp for breath. Hours pass, and they never found me... I finally gave up.

In hind sight I now know that the older kids weren't even looking for me, I was only two, and they were playing hide and seek with their friends... not with me. But MAN I can still feel the rush of the chase. The thrill of knowing I could not be found... the thrill of knowing I had outsmarted someone older than me. It was such crap too because the 'wall' behind me was only studs... had they walked into the adjacent room they would have seen me in plain sight... right there... crouched behind the water heater.

About

A little about the source for this genius idea... This is a direct excerpt, so I accept no blame or liability for the misspelling of words, the misrepresentation of ideas, or the use of your mother.

About Lowbrow.com

Lowbrow.com is dedicated to bringing you the best user submitted content about scraping the bottom and being a general piece of shit.

It is about moments where you said something completely inappropriate, where you stuck your foot in your mouth, or stamped the air out of some poor fuck's lungs.

Lowbrow.com is about calling people names, shitting in their pudding, pushing them down stairs, eating white bread and expired fruit pies from the bakery outlet and drinking "charcoal filtered" vodka - straight from the plastic two liter bottle.

Lowbrow.com is about vomiting on a city bus, mistaking someone's sex, driving your car through a garage door, taking swings at police, and standing on the front step of your trailer home with a loaded shotgun and a can of Old Milwaukee's Best.

Lowbrow.com is about criticizing people, it's about knowing what's right, being better than the next guy, and spouting barstool philosophy.

Lowbrow.com is about sweat stains on your wife beater t-shirt, shaving your head, but not your mutton-chops, owning cars with "t-tops," eating at fast food restaurants, and having full-time diarrhea.

Lowbrow.com is not about unrequited love, being dumped, or teen angst - unless there is an unbelievably cruel, nasty or embarrassing aspect to the story. Stories of infidelity, incredible sex with strangers, and/or sitting home alone masturbating are, however, encouraged.

Write us at low at lowbrow dot com if you have any questions, you clueless piece of shit.

- The Management

Administrative Note: There are over moments as of . Add your moment and be in with the in crowd now!

Lowbrow.com is located at N 37° 52.719' and W 122° 17.347'

The Army

A Call to Arms!

I hereby sanction the use of your story... In honor of a site dead and
gone, that I loved, I now solicit your lowbrow moment.

A friend once said that everyone has a story. A person is known for
telling that story, and others, often, will beg for the person to tell
it again. Culturally, it's been a way for people to introduce themselves
-- or to be introduced - to new people.

"Hey, tell John that story about how when you..."

"Oh! This is John. He's the guy that..."

Everyone has one of those stories. Tell me yours.

Email your story to: SubmitMyStory@DudeThatSucks.com.

Anonymity is key. Your story will be posted as is, without changes /
modifications / alterations. This means that if you submit a story with
a name in it... THAT NAME WILL BE POSTED! If you wish to remain
anonymous then do not submit your name with your post.

Instructions are below...

Be degenerate.
Be anonymous. Or not.
Confess your sins.
Unload your conscience.
Share your fantasy.
Share your shame.

Family Abuse!

Customers phone not working...
He complains to sister...
Sister is VERY nice and agrees to call tech support on his behalf.
He's at home. She's at home. They do not live together, or even in the
same city!
I'm on the phone with her, she's texting him. And he's replying by text
to her.
It's taking FOREVER!
She's waiting for him to text. She's impatient, but keeps waiting.
Did I mention that she is a very nice person.
She's screaming at the phone, waiting for his text. "What the hell can
you possibly be doing?! It was a Yes or No question!"
She's really mad now.
Then I hear, "GOD DAMNIT" followed by a loud crashing sound and the
phone line goes dead.
I think the lady threw her own phone. Good going, dumbass, now you have
no way to call us either.
Do you have another family member that will call in so you can text?

The War On Terror?

Are we fighting a war on terror or aren't we? Was it or was it not
started by Islamic people who brought it to our shores on September 11,
2001?
Were people from all over the world, mostly Americans, not brutally
murdered that day, in downtown Manhattan , across the Potomac from our
nation's capitol and in a field in Pennsylvania? Did nearly three
thousand men, women and children die a horrible, burning or crushing
death that day, or didn't they? And I'm supposed to care that a copy of
the Koran was 'desecrated' when an overworked American soldier kicked it
or got it wet? Well, I don't. I don't care at all. I'll start caring
when Osama bin Laden turns himself in and repents for incinerating all
those innocent people on 9/11. I'll care about the Koran when the
fanatics in the Middle East start caring about the Holy Bible, the mere
possession of which is a crime in Saudi Arabia. I'll care when these
thugs tell the world they are sorry for hacking off Nick Berg's head
while Berg screamed through his gurgling slashed throat. I'll care when
the cowardly so-called 'insurgents' in Iraq come out and fight like men
instead of disrespecting their own religion by hiding in mosques. I'll
care when the mindless zealots who blow themselves up in search of
nirvana care about the innocent children within range of their suicide
bombs. I'll care when the American media stops pretending that their
First Amendment liberties are somehow derived from international law
instead of the United States Constitution's Bill of Rights. In the
meantime, when I hear a story about a brave marine roughing up an Iraqi
terrorist to obtain information, know this: I don't care

When I see a fuzzy photo of a pile of naked Iraqi prisoners who have
been humiliated in what amounts to a college-hazing incident, rest
assured: I don't care.

When I see a wounded terrorist get shot in the head when he is told not
to move because he might be booby-trapped, you can take it to the bank:
I don't care.

When I hear that a prisoner, who was issued a Koran and a prayer mat,
and fed 'special' food that is paid for by my tax dollars, is
complaining that his holy book is being 'mishandled,' you can absolutely
believe in your heart of hearts: I don't care.

And oh, by the way, I've noticed that sometimes it's spelled 'Koran' and
other times 'Quran.' Well, Jimmy Cracked Corn and -you fucking guessed
it- I don't care!!

'Some people spend an entire lifetime wondering if they made a
difference in the world. But, the Marines don't have that problem' --
Ronald Reagan
'If we ever forget that we're One Nation Under God, then we will be a
nation gone under.' Also by.. Ronald Reagan

WTMF?

NAMPA - A Canyon County deputy is recovering after an accident on
Highway 45.

It happened around 4:30 Sunday afternoon near Bigfoot Road south of
Nampa.

The Canyon County Sheriff's Office says the 29-year-old deputy was
responding to a gun call in the Melba area and swerved to miss a turning
vehicle.

The patrol car went into a ditch then rolled.

Idaho State Police say they are still investigating the crash and have
not issued any citations at this time.

Oh Kay... look, dumbass. You fkn rolled a COP CAR!! How the fk did you
manage that?! What? Low tire? Error between the wheel and the seat?
What? FK! You gotta be some kind of fkn special to roll a fkn cop car!
It's just a good fkn thing that happened in Canyon County where my tax
dollars won't go to fix it! I'm so disgusted! It's utterly ridiculous!
You can't possibly (under normal conditions, and yes, the roads were
DRY) roll a fkn police cruiser! Unbelievable. I have to just quit
writing because I'm just getting more upset, FK! AHHH!!! GR! That's it,
okay, I'm done. DUMBASS!

UnFKN REAL!

JACKSONVILLE, Fla. (AP) -- The sauce for a spicy Italian sandwich was
apparently a must have for one Florida man. The man, Reginald Peterson,
called 911 twice, TWICE!... after a sandwich shop left off the sauce.

Peterson initially called the emergency number Thursday so that officers
could have his subs made correctly, according to a police report. The
second call was to complain that police officers weren't arriving fast
enough.

Subway workers told police that Peterson, 42, became belligerent and
yelled when they were fixing his order. They locked him out of the store
when he left to call police.

When officers arrived, they tried to calm Peterson and explain the
proper use of 911. Those efforts failed, and he was arrested on a charge
of making false 911 calls.

Study: Restaurant kids' meals loaded with calories.

11:28 AM MDT on Monday, August 4, 2008

Associated Press

WASHINGTON - Healthy kids' meals at top restaurant chains are slim
pickings, according to a report by a nonprofit public health group.

Nearly every possible combination of the children's meals at Kentucky
Fried Chicken, Taco Bell, Sonic, Jack in the Box, and Chick-fil-A are
too high in calories, the report by the Center for Science in the Public
Interest said.

The report, scheduled for release Monday in Washington, looked into the
nutritional quality of kids' meals at 13 major restaurant chains. The
center found 93 percent of 1,474 possible choices at the 13 chains
exceed 430 calories -- an amount that is one-third of what the National
Institute of Medicine recommends that children ages 4 through 8 should
consume in a day.

For example, Chili's Bar and Grill has 700 possible kids' meal
combinations, but 658, or 94 percent, of those are too high in calories.
One Chili's meal comprised of country-fried chicken crispers, cinnamon
apples and chocolate milk contained 1,020 calories, while another
comprised of cheese pizza, homestyle fries, and lemonade contained 1,000
calories. Burger King has a "Big Kids" meal with a double cheeseburger,
fries, and chocolate milk at 910 calories, and Sonic has a "Wacky Pack"
with 830 calories worth of grilled cheese, fries, and a slushie.

While there are some healthy choices on restaurant menus, "parents have
to navigate a minefield of calories, fat and salt to find them," the
report said.

Subway's kids' meals came out the best among the chains examined in the
report. Only 6 of 18 "Fresh Fit for Kids" meals -- which include a
mini-sub, juice box, and one of several healthful side items such as
apple slices, raisins or yogurt -- exceed the 430-calorie threshold. But
Subway is the only chain that doesn't offer soft drinks with kids'
meals, which helped lower the calorie count.

The report recommends restaurants:

-- Reformulate their menu items to reduce calories, saturated and trans
fat, and salt, and add more healthy items like fruits, vegetables, and
whole grains.

-- Make fruit or vegetables and low-fat milk or water the default sides
instead of French fries and soda for children's meals.

-- Provide nutrition on menus and menu boards. New York and San
Francisco are among the cities and localities that have adopted menu
labeling policies.

Other restaurant chains included in the report are Wendy's, Dairy Queen,
Arby's and Denny's.

Six leading restaurant chains -- Applebee's, TGIFriday's, Outback
Steakhouse, Olive Garden, Red Lobster and IHOP (International House of
Pancakes) -- weren't included in the report because they do not disclose
nutrition information about their meals even when asked, the center
said.

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Don't Taze Me Bro!!

Last weekend I saw something at Larry's Pistol & Pawn Shop that sparked
my interest. The occasion was our 15th anniversary and I was looking for
a little something extra for my wife Julie. What I came across was a
100,000-volt, pocket/purse-sized taser. The effects of the taser were
supposed to be short lived, with no long-term adverse affect on your
assailant, allowing her adequate time to retreat to safety....

WAY TOO COOL! Long story short, I bought the device and brought it
home. I loaded two AAA batteries in the darn thing and pushed the
button. Nothing!

I was disappointed. I learned, however, that if I pushed the button AND
pressed it against a metal surface at the same time; I'd get the blue
arc of electricity darting back and forth between the prongs. AWESOME!!!
Unfortunately, I have yet to explain to Julie what that burn spot is on
the face of her microwave.

Okay, so I was home alone with this new toy, thinking to myself that it
couldn't be all that bad with only two triple-A batteries, right?

There I sat in my recliner, my cat Gracie looking on intently (trusting
little soul) while I was reading the directions and thinking that I
really needed to try this thing out on a flesh & blood moving target. I
must admit I thought about zapping Gracie (for a fraction of a second)
and thought better of it. She is such a sweet cat. But, if I was going
to give this thing to my wife to protect herself against a mugger, I did
want some assurance that it would work as advertised. Am I wrong?

So, there I sat in a pair of shorts and a tank top with my reading
glasses perched delicately on the bridge of my nose, directions in one
hand, and taser in another. The directions said that a one-second burst
would shock and disorient your assailant; a two-second burst was
supposed to cause muscle spasms and a major loss of bodily control; a
three-second burst would purportedly make your assailant flop on the
ground like a fish out of water. Any burst longer than three seconds
would be wasting the batteries.

All the while I'm looking at this little device measuring about 5" long,
less than 3/4 inch in circumference; pretty cute really and (loaded with
two itsy, bitsy triple-A batteries) thinking to myself, 'no possible
way!'

What happened next is almost beyond description, but I'll do my best...

I'm sitting there alone, Gracie looking on with her head cocked to one
side as to say, 'don't do it dipshit,' reasoning that a one second burst
from such a tiny little ole thing couldn't hurt all that bad. I decided
to give myself a one second burst just for heck of it. I touched the
prongs to my naked thigh, pushed the button, and... HOLY MOTHER OF
GOD... WEAPONS OF MASS DESTRUCTION... WHAT THE HELL!!!

I'm pretty sure Jessie Ventura ran in through the side door, picked me
up in the recliner and then body slammed us both on the carpet, over and
over and over again. I vaguely recall waking up on my side in the fetal
position, with tears in my eyes, body soaking wet, both nipples on fire,
testicles nowhere to be found, with my left arm tucked under my body in
the oddest position, and tingling in my legs?

The cat was making meowing sounds I had never heard before, clinging to
a picture frame hanging above the fireplace, obviously in an attempt to
avoid getting slammed by my body flopping all over the living room.

Note: If you ever feel compelled to 'mug' yourself with a taser, one
note of caution: there is no such thing as a one second burst when you
zap yourself! You will not let go of that thing until it is dislodged
from your hand by a violent thrashing about on the floor. A three second
burst would be considered conservative?

IT HURT LIKE HELL!!!

A minute or so later (I can't be sure, as time was a relative thing at
that point), I collected my wits (what little I had left), sat up and
surveyed the landscape. My bent reading glasses were on the mantel of
the fireplace. The recliner was upside down and about 8 feet or so from
where it originally was. My triceps, right thigh and both nipples were
still twitching. My face felt like it had been shot up with Novocain,
and my bottom lip weighed 88 lbs. I had no control over the drooling.
Apparently I pooped on myself, but was too numb to know for sure and my
sense of smell was gone. I saw a faint smoke cloud above my head which I
believe came from my hair. I'm still looking for my nuts and I'm
offering a significant reward for their safe return!!

P. S. My wife loved the gift, and now regularly threatens me with it!

'If you think education is difficult, try being stupid.'

OMG!

me: "Did you open the file you just downloaded?"
cust: "Yes. Let me just open that file. I don't even know where it
downloaded to. Can you give me a second to find it?"
me: "Excuse me?"

Seriously??? Kill me! PLEASE!

7-11-08 (I know I'm a couple days late)

So, seven - eleven, my one year anniversary of quitting the nasty. I'm
so proud of myself. I really had so many doubts that I could actually
quit. And I guess I have to give credit where credit is due, Barry
helped me immensely! He offered me things that changed my entire outlook
on life and made me want to be a better person. It happened so slowly
that I really didn't even think about it until like two days before I
quit. I thought about the reasons I was doing the nasty and realized
that I was being retarded and shouldn't have to satisfy myself with the
nasty. The next day I did the nasty less than my 'normal' amount and the
day after that, at 11 am, I made a decision that I was done. No more. I
saved 3 nasties for me. For my sanity. For those times when I just
couldn't handle life. I needed one of them and did the nasty the second
time just because... but the third time I did the nasty I only got one
puff and then damn near shot myself because I really didn't mean to do
it. It was really early in the morning (or was it late, I can't quite
remember) and I wasn't quite with it.
So My one year anniversary... one year of struggling and grappling with
the horror and realities that we all call life. Like today, I was
missing the societal lethargy that happens when there are a group of
people doing the nasty in a confined area. Then the wife says to me, "So
go stand out there with 'them' and talk"... what? Excuse me?? Stand out
THERE?! With THEM?! EW! I'd fkn smell like a butt! I can't have that. No
way. *gag* ew. Yuck. So I'm really glad I quit and I hope that I never
start again, if for no other reason than the aroma of the nasty.
Oh and if you haven't figured it out yet, I'm talking about smoking...
gawd get your mind out of the gutter, you filth bag!

New Things.

A little background is in order... so here goes. The door from the house
to the garage is quite heavy. In all it's heaviness it also closes
really hard if you just let it close itself. It has those springs built
into the hinges so it won't stay open. Anyway, the slamming of that door
(because it's so damn heavy) causes my house to shake. It's not so much
the shaking that bothers me but it shakes enough that it knocks things
off my desk, and even more irritating is that it rearranges my pin
sculpture of my hand. So finally, I'd had enough. Anyone who knows me
knows that this means its time to put on my redneck thinkin cap and get
to work. So, I've been on the hunt for a door closer that will moderate
the speed and intensity of the door closing. Yesterday at Harbor Freight
I found just such an object.
So yesterday after work I set upon installing this beast onto the door.
It took me 20 minutes of staring at the directions to finally understand
that I was trying to put it on the wrong fkn side of the door, then even
after I was on the right side, it still didn't really make sense until I
began installing it. The wife offered her 'words of wisdom' aka the 'do
it my way or else' talk. Well, let us just say that I'm sure I would
have figured it out alone but it works. And it works really well! I was
so stoked about it that I couldn't sleep last night. And when I finally
got some sleep it wasn't enough, so when I woke up this morning I opened
the door 5 or 6 times, just to watch it close! This is how very exciting
my life is. I've been reduced to watching a fkn door close. Wow.

Captivity, day 76

Day 76 of captivity. I am still being forced to take these calls. The
hostiles have intentions of keeping me for a very long time, I know
because I read it on their myspace page. They are cruel and when they
walk past me they fart, loud.

Nothing will surprise me now.

So this man calls in, very southern accent to his voice and I can hear
wind noise in the background. When a customer calls in we request that
they call in on a phone other than the one we will be working with...
you know, in case we need to shut the phone off during
troubleshooting... so, we are in the middle of troubleshooting his phone
when I tell him to press and hold a button while inserting the battery
into his device. Then... and I am not shittin you... Then I hear this,
verbatim, "Hey, Bobby, take the wheel a sec I gotta mash this button and
jerk the bat-ry." Followed by grunting... Grunting!! How hard is it
really to push a button and put a battery into a phone? I can just
picture this... huge white guy, cell phone to his hear, head on his
shoulder, another phone in one hand, foot on the gas, buddy in the
passenger seat steering while this dough brain holds a button and puts
the battery into the phone (a process that takes 15 to 30 seconds).
Uh... Dude... YOU'RE DRIVING!!! WTF?!?!?! This is precisely why talking
on the phone should be outlawed while driving. I'm just really thankful
that this wasn't followed up with screeching tires and the sound of
grown men screaming like teenage girls.

ACCESS THIS!

You wanna know something really messed up...
Here at work... we have no access to our cleaning supply closet. Okay.
No really, I'm not bitter about that, I can bring in my own windex to
clean my monitor and my own alcohol wipes to sanitize my desk. Here's
the disturbing part, the door to the server... wide fkn open! Seriously.
They must be like, "No, we don't trust you with access to the toilet
paper, but a $300,000 server... well, that's okay! No really... go ahead
and fk around with the server, just don't, for fk sake, touch the toilet
paper!"

What's love got to do with it?

So I'm on the phone with this very nice sounding older gentleman
today... he says to me there's this issue with my wife's phone. (and I'm
thinking, "Why didn't she call in then?" Right?) so then I tell him,
look, it's gonna be a very long wait because I have to contact another
department to get the problem resolved, AND I'm not sure if they even
can or will once I get thru. To which he replies, "My wife really wants
this fixed, so I'll wait." Okay, seriously... I'd put the phone up to
her and say, when he comes back on, come get me, I'll be playing on the
computer. Damn! That's LOVE. Not just "yeah this is my wife" kinda
love... that's "My name's Braden and I'm gonna do anything you want,
whenever you want, for as long as it takes, because I found my nerf
helmet yesterday" kinda love. FECK! Some people ought not leave home
without their nerf helmets!!! Go home retard, get ur helmet, and don't
leave your front yard again! FECK!

WOW! Seriously!?!?

By DOUGLAS BIRCH, Associated Press Writer MEYRIN, Switzerland (AP) - The
most powerful atom-smasher ever built could make some bizarre
discoveries, such as invisible matter or extra dimensions in space,
after it is switched on in August.

But some critics fear the Large Hadron Collider could exceed physicists'
wildest conjectures: Will it spawn a black hole that could swallow
Earth? Or spit out particles that could turn the planet into a hot dead
clump?

Ridiculous, say scientists at the European Organization for Nuclear
Research, known by its French initials CERN - some of whom have been
working for a generation on the $5.8 billion collider, or LHC.

"Obviously, the world will not end when the LHC switches on," said
project leader Lyn Evans.

David Francis, a physicist on the collider's huge ATLAS particle
detector, smiled when asked whether he worried about black holes and
hypothetical killer particles known as strangelets.

"If I thought that this was going to happen, I would be well away from
here," he said.

The collider basically consists of a ring of supercooled magnets 17
miles in circumference attached to huge barrel-shaped detectors. The
ring, which straddles the French and Swiss border, is buried 330 feet
underground.

The machine, which has been called the largest scientific experiment in
history, isn't expected to begin test runs until August, and ramping up
to full power could take months. But once it is working, it is expected
to produce some startling findings.

Scientists plan to hunt for signs of the invisible "dark matter" and
"dark energy" that make up more than 96 percent of the universe, and
hope to glimpse the elusive Higgs boson, a so-far undiscovered particle
thought to give matter its mass.

The collider could find evidence of extra dimensions, a boon for
superstring theory, which holds that quarks, the particles that make up
atoms, are infinitesimal vibrating strings.

The theory could resolve many of physics' unanswered questions, but
requires about 10 dimensions - far more than the three spatial
dimensions our senses experience.

The safety of the collider, which will generate energies seven times
higher than its most powerful rival, at Fermilab near Chicago, has been
debated for years. The physicist Martin Rees has estimated the chance of
an accelerator producing a global catastrophe at one in 50 million -
long odds, to be sure, but about the same as winning some lotteries.

By contrast, a CERN team this month issued a report concluding that
there is "no conceivable danger" of a cataclysmic event. The report
essentially confirmed the findings of a 2003 CERN safety report, and a
panel of five prominent scientists not affiliated with CERN, including
one Nobel laureate, endorsed its conclusions.

Critics of the LHC filed a lawsuit in a Hawaiian court in March seeking
to block its startup, alleging that there was "a significant risk that
... operation of the Collider may have unintended consequences which
could ultimately result in the destruction of our planet."

One of the plaintiffs, Walter L. Wagner, a physicist and lawyer, said
Wednesday CERN's safety report, released June 20, "has several major
flaws," and his views on the risks of using the particle accelerator had
not changed.

On Tuesday, U.S. Justice Department lawyers representing the Department
of Energy and the National Science Foundation filed a motion to dismiss
the case.

The two agencies have contributed $531 million to building the collider,
and the NSF has agreed to pay $87 million of its annual operating costs.
Hundreds of American scientists will participate in the research.

The lawyers called the plaintiffs' allegations "extraordinarily
speculative," and said "there is no basis for any conceivable threat"
from black holes or other objects the LHC might produce. A hearing on
the motion is expected in late July or August.

In rebutting doomsday scenarios, CERN scientists point out that cosmic
rays have been bombarding the earth, and triggering collisions similar
to those planned for the collider, since the solar system formed 4.5
billion years ago.

And so far, Earth has survived.

"The LHC is only going to reproduce what nature does every second, what
it has been doing for billions of years," said John Ellis, a British
theoretical physicist at CERN.

Critics like Wagner have said the collisions caused by accelerators
could be more hazardous than those of cosmic rays.

Both may produce micro black holes, subatomic versions of cosmic black
holes - collapsed stars whose gravity fields are so powerful that they
can suck in planets and other stars.

But micro black holes produced by cosmic ray collisions would likely be
traveling so fast they would pass harmlessly through the earth.

Micro black holes produced by a collider, the skeptics theorize, would
move more slowly and might be trapped inside the earth's gravitational
field - and eventually threaten the planet.

Ellis said doomsayers assume that the collider will create micro black
holes in the first place, which he called unlikely. And even if they
appeared, he said, they would instantly evaporate, as predicted by the
British physicist Stephen Hawking.

As for strangelets, CERN scientists point out that they have never been
proven to exist. They said that even if these particles formed inside
the Collider they would quickly break down.

When the LHC is finally at full power, two beams of protons will race
around the huge ring 11,000 times a second in opposite directions. They
will travel in two tubes about the width of fire hoses, speeding through
a vacuum that is colder and emptier than outer space.

Their trajectory will be curved by supercooled magnets - to guide the
beams around the rings and prevent the packets of protons from cutting
through the surrounding magnets like a blowtorch.

The paths of these beams will cross, and a few of the protons in them
will collide, at a series of cylindrical detectors along the ring. The
two largest detectors are essentially huge digital cameras, each
weighing thousands of tons, capable of taking millions of snapshots a
second.

Each year the detectors will generate 15 petabytes of data, the
equivalent of a stack of CDs 12 miles tall. The data will require a high
speed global network of computers for analysis.

Wagner and others filed a lawsuit to halt operation of the Relativistic
Heavy Ion Collider, or RHIC, at the Brookhaven National Laboratory in
New York state in 1999. The courts dismissed the suit.

The leafy campus of CERN, a short drive from the shores of Lake Geneva,
hardly seems like ground zero for doomsday. And locals don't seem overly
concerned. Thousands attended an open house here this spring.

"There is a huge army of scientists who know what they are talking about
and are sleeping quite soundly as far as concerns the LHC," said project
leader Evans.

HaHa

Krispy Kreme is going to start selling whole wheat doughnuts. Now, you
can get healthy and fat at the same time. It's kind of like whole wheat
crack.
- Craig Ferguson

Lost: The Yoshi Initiative.

You know how sometimes it seems like you are alone in a room? Not literally, but when you go so deep into a thought that there is nothing you can hear, see or think about other than this single solitary thought. Then when you are finished with the thought it seems as though the waiting world just returns, without harm. They waited patiently (okay sometimes not so patiently). When you came back it was the same as when you left only, some very small thing has changed something that you may not even notice if you hadn't been very keenly paying attention. This is when you know that the Yoshi Initiative has visited you. Your body has been beckoned to visit a world far different than this one, a world known only to the inductees of the initiative.
Whell... enough with the bullshit eh? The real story is this: I've been watching Lost. Alot of it! In fact I watched every episode in the last 2 weeks. Yup, all four seasons. That took a long time too... holy crap! But what a ride! I haven't been that interested in anything in a frickin long ass time! It was so refreshing and now I have no choice but to create my own 'Dharma Initiative' and call it, of course, the Yoshi Initiative. I knew you'd like it. Scope the logo... HUH!?!?! Oh yeah!

Demotivational Posters

I have been really bored today... so here are some 'demotivational posters' that I have created... I think I'm pretty damn funny! What do you think? Please take a sec to comment.

Another day.

It seems as though I have hit an interesting juncture… I remember a time when nothing had to happen for me to be having a good day… it seems the older I get the less I reply good… and more indifference. I think I’m depressed. Maybe because at 30 I am in college and suck at it… or maybe because my life seems about half over and I have nothing to show for it. I’ve been working for 15 years and have nothing to show for it but some misc junk. I wonder if this happens to lots of people because I just can’t seem to kick this crappy feeling. I remember when I would smile most of the day, usually for no reason at all, just to be around was enough to make me happy… and now, I dread just being around, I am not happy to just be anymore. I want to be useful, funny, interesting, edgy, hell anything! I wish I could just get back to more good days than bad. That’s all.

Mothers Day

http://www.myspace.com/kinipeli78

Jenn wrote this... it's very compelling! Read on!

April 21st, my mother was in a major accident. She was traveling home from Ottawa Canada. She was on the highway, going about 90-100 KMH; she can fore see the curve and guard rail quite far ahead, and notices the gravel along the side of the road. The next immediate thing she remembers is waking up, seeing her car moving close to the edge of the cliff fast, she immediately tries to stop, but the car just turns into the cliff, she then stops on the brake, puts the car in park and pulls the emergency brake on. She looks around and in astonishment, notices the car she borrowed to make a trip she has made a thousand times, is totaled. But how? She has no memory. Minutes later as she is sobbing, a fireman that had been working in the area was at her side. He asks her is she is ok and tells her he could feel and hear the impact of the accident 2 miles down the road. She asks what accident and then shortly realizes it must have been her. He informs her that she hit the guard rail and 10 posts lifting them out of the ground that were holding the guard rail. He can't believe she is alive.

My mother was in a major head on collision and was not helped out of the car, was not put in a neck brace, was not put on a flat board, walked into the ambulance, and had her purse recovered with medications in it and never asked, were you drinking, on drugs? Thankfully no one else was on the road and hurt.

The Sunday before this my mother went to church and felt a urge to light a candle (catholic belief), she did feeling a little odd, she has lit a candle, but always at her own will, this time she was pushed. I told my mother and Mat's great Aunt agrees with me; SOMEONE WAS IN THAT CAR WITH HER!!

Now the questions remain; why the urge to light the candle, why the black out? Why did she wake up just in time and know exactly what to do with out feeling sleepy and confused until after the car is at a complete stop? Why is there no bruising? And why the FUCK didn't the ambulance do their job and take her to the freaking hospital?

I began to sob minutes after getting all the details realizing I seriously almost lost my mother, I looked up at my husband in astonishment realizing he had felt this feeling of dread and horror, but for him, he did loose his mother, I asked him, how? How did you deal with that? I can't deal with it now and she is still here? All he said in soft words and sad eyes was "yes, she is still here". I knew then that he is STILL dealing with loosing his mother.

This event has shaken me and my husband, my mom and dad are all we have left. We think our parents are invincible, that they will never die until they get to old, decrepit and annoy you to death. You are not suppose to loose your parents until then. Why does it seem harder to me to loose my mother from a far then when I was sitting beside her in her living room as a young 19 year old? Maturity? Who knows,

Conclusion: Mother's day is coming up; please all that still have mothers or mother in laws, or even mother figures, take them in your arms and realize they are not invincible, they are not immortal, they are precious and few. Tell them how much you truly, need them, love them, appreciate them, and then show them!

Este nina es muy interesante!

Here are the lyrics... SO CUTE!!!

Hey, Jude, don't make it bad
Take a sad song and make it better
Remember to let her into your heart
Then you can start to make it better

Hey, Jude, don't be afraid
You were made to go out and get her
The minute you let her under your skin
Then you begin to make it better.

And any time you feel the pain, hey, Jude, refrain
Don't carry the world upon your shoulders
Well don't you know that its a fool who plays it cool
By making his world a little colder

Hey, Jude! Don't let her down
You have found her, now go and get her
Remember, to let her into your heart
Then you can start to make it better.

So let it out and let it in, hey, Jude, begin
You're waiting for someone to perform with
And don't you know that it's just you, hey, Jude,
You'll do, the movement you need is on your shoulder

Hey, Jude, don't make it bad
Take a sad song and make it better
Remember to let her into your heart
Then you can start to make it better

Tengo que ponerse contento. POR FAVOR!!!

No quiero mas de impaciente y furioso.

Maybe you don't need to change the oil -- yet

This is an article from CNN.com… well worth reading! Might even save you some coin.

 

I have been in the auto repair industry since 1972. Hmmmm, a simple calculation of the math illustrates that I have been in car repair for, uh, well, let's not go there. It makes me depressed. You do the math and keep it to yourself. At any rate, enough about my mid life crisis. Let's talk about oil change intervals.

For years the accepted oil change interval (as per the carmakers) has been every three months or 3,000 miles, whichever comes first. Why? Because the oils of yesterday degraded and broke down when left in the crankcase environment for longer than the prescribed interval.

The combination of heat, friction, and the oil oxidizing over time resulted in an unholy clothing of the engine's internal parts called sludge.

As an automotive machinist for a good part of my career, I can tell you that sludge is an engine killer. Sludge takes a greasy, cake-like oily form and plugs oil return passages and acts like a sponge and soaks up good oil to grow its grotesque form starving the engine of vital lubricants. Once established, engine heat crystallizes it to a hardened rock of ughhhhhh, I have spent many an hour scraping and yes, sometimes chiseling established sludge from the inside of an engine before performing a machining operation on it!

As the machinist prepares to perform a machine operation on a cylinder head, crankshaft, engine block or the likes he/she must clean their work meticulously before performing the prescribed operation. If the sludge is not cleaned properly, the result will be a failed engine.

Why this lesson about sludge? Because without clean good quality oil in your car's engine, it will develop sludge and cause premature engine failure.

Now more than ever before, vehicle engines operate at high heat and close tolerances. The reason for this is the Federal Emissions mandates the government has imposed on the carmakers.

Vehicles have to emit a smidgeon of the tailpipe emissions they did a decade ago. Carmakers have risen to this occasion by increasing combustion chamber temps with higher compression engines, running leaner fuel systems, adjusting ignition timing for optimum emissions, narrowing cooling system water jackets, and tightening engine oil tolerances.

All this makes for hotter running engines that emit less tailpipe emissions. Putting these demands on engines requires a lubricant that can stand up to this harsh environment.

Hence, petroleum companies' work hand in hand with carmakers to develop engine lubricants to meet the requirements and demands of a particular powerplant, still delivering the advertised horsepower and torque output that consumers expect. Research and development between carmakers and petroleum companies has resulted in improved engine lubricants that properly lubricate your vehicle's engine as well as keep the inside clean of sludge buildup, and can go longer between oil changes!

A few years back, GM introduced a system called the OLM (Oil Life Monitor) system. This system had been in testing since 1984 and actually was put into some Buicks on a test basis. The goal of this system? To extend oil change intervals and attain bragging rights to having a more maintenance-free vehicle. The OLM monitors crankcase temp, moisture, and combustion chamber events (this represents the actual work the engine is doing while in operation).

By closely monitoring these elements of engine operation the system can measure the serviceable life of the oil to within 10 percent. After officially introducing the OLM with virtually no engine failures attributed it the OLM, GM changes their service recommendations to what they called an "Enhanced Maintenance Schedule." With the Enhanced Schedule, the motorist need only follow the dictates of the OLM and have other scheduled services done at prescribed intervals.

Ford Motor Company has followed GM into the extended oil change interval march. Four months ago (March of this year) Ford announced that they are revising engine oil change intervals to every 7,500 miles.

Ford told The Associated Press last year it was increasing the recommended time between oil changes because extensive testing indicated oils now were better and improved engines operate at higher a temperature which helps burn off the gunk in oil. The automaker also cited the financial and environmental benefits of the adjusted standards.

Yes oil is much better than it used to be, engines are better protected with today's new lubricants but the same old logic still applies to the oil filter: always use a good quality filter when having the engine oil changed.

The filter is the storehouse for dirt in the engine and when it doesn't do its job, the engine suffers internally. When dirt and grit are allowed to circulate over, within and on the engine bearing surfaces, cylinder walls, crankshafts, piston rings, camshafts and virtually all metal mating surfaces, they are damaged resulting in wider oil tolerances, lowered oil pressure and ultimately premature engine failure.

While I concur with R&D results over the years with respect to oil change intervals, I am still squeamish about leaving petroleum-based oil in an engine for 7,500 miles. I guess I just know too much based on personal experience.

So while yes, I have revised my thinking regarding extending oil change intervals:

Here are my revised oil change recommendations: change regular petroleum based oils every 4,000 to 5,000 miles and synthetic every 5,000 to 7,000 miles.

There, those of you that for years have criticized me as being in the back pocket of petroleum companies for recommending 3,000 mile oil changes, are you happy now?

 

Another byte?!

So I'm sitting in a common area on campus admiring my laptop when I hear the distinct sound of some stupid fuck chewing with his mouth open... Normally this does not bother me, but when you are 30 feet away in a noisy room and I can hear you like you were sitting next to me... SHUT YOUR FKN MOUTH! You disgusting fuck! AND to make it worse he's sitting with a woman that looks old enough to be his mother and she's eating just as bad... at least she has her fkn mouth closed but she ate a medium sized bowl of pasta then a quarter of a pizza... now seriously... with the weight problem that plagues our nation you would think that someone would alert her to the issues here.... but no one says a damn thing and she continues to eat. I have to leave... before I fkn vomit! I'd like to just take this laptop and shove it down his throat 12 to 16 inches... then say to him, "Byte this you nasty fuck! You should be ashamed to eat in public"

Biblical Babbling.

Do you know what it's like to miss someone until your heart cracks under the strain? Or how about what it's like to love so much that you couldn't possibly have any more feeling in you? It seems that when it comes to love and sorrow, they are alone in a category of endless feeling. Two feelings that seem to be infinite. When does it end? Does it ever end? They seem to be feelings that only lessen. It's like the half life of radioactive material. It never goes away, it just becomes smaller and smaller. Infinitely smaller, but never gone.
What of love hast thou but a merry enchantment of joy? What of joy but thy gravest loss of hatred. What of hatred but the kindred spirit of angst. Trust thou without angst to be a body of enlightenment and purest of pure love.
And alas, what of sorrow doth thou see? Perhaps but a myriad of painfulness and loss. A veritable trifecta of hurt, anger and mistaken blame. And what doth thou make of blame but thou urge to lash out unto thy brother for thy pain. Alas therefore blame is mistaken, for blame unto thy brother is the fault of the devil.

Something to start your Tuesday off right.

A man comes into the ER and yells, "My wife's going to have her baby in the cab!" I grabbed my stuff, rushed out to the cab, lifted the lady's dress, and began to take off her underwear. Suddenly I noticed that there were several cabs-I was in the wrong one.
Dr. Mark MacDonald, San Antonio, TX



At the beginning of my shift I placed a stethoscope on an elderly and slightly deaf female patient's anterior chest wall.. "Big breaths," I instructed. "Yes, they used to be," remorsed the patient

Dr. Richard Byrnes, Seattle, WA


One day I had to be the bearer of bad news when I told a wife that her husband had died of a massive myocardial infarct. Not more than five minutes later, I heard her reporting to the rest of the family that he had died of a "massive internal fart."

Dr. Susan Steinberg, Manitoba, Canada


I was performing a complete physical, including the visual acuity test. I placed the patient twenty feet from the chart and began, "Cover your right eye with your hand." He read the 20/20 line perfectly. "Now your left." Again, a flawless read. "Now both," I requested. There was silence. He couldn't even read the large E on the
top line. I turned and discovered that he had done exactly what I had asked; he was standing there with both his eyes covered. I was laughing too hard to finish the exam.

Dr. Matthew Theodropolous, Worcester, MA


During a patient's two week follow-up appointment with his cardiologist, he informed me, his doctor, that he was having trouble with one of his medications. "Which one?" I asked. "The patch. The nurse told me to put on a new one every six hours and now I'm running out of places to put it!" I had him quickly undress and discovered what
I hoped I wouldn't see... Yes, the man had over fifty patches on his body! Now, the instructions include removal of the old patch before applying a new one.

Dr. Rebecca St. Clair, Norfolk, VA



While acquainting myself with a new elderly patient, I asked, "How long have you been bedridden?" After a look of complete confusion she answered... "Why, not for about twenty years-when my husband was alive."

Dr. Steven Swanson, Corvallis, OR


I was caring for a woman from Kentucky and asked, "So how's your breakfast this morning?" "It's very good, except for the Kentucky Jelly. I can't seem to get used to the taste," the patient replied. I then asked to see the jelly and the woman produced a foil packet labeled "KY Jelly."

Dr. Leonard Kransdorf, Detroit, MI


A Nurse was on duty in the Emergency Room, when a young woman with purple hair styled into a punk rocker Mohawk, sporting a variety of tattoos, and wearing strange clothing, entered. It was quickly determined that the patient had acute appendicitis, so she was scheduled for immediate surgery. When she was completely disrobed on the
operating table, the staff noticed that her pubic hair had been dyed green, and above it there was a tattoo that read, "Keep off the grass." Once the surgery was completed, the surgeon wrote a short note on the patient's dressing, which said "Sorry, had to mow the lawn."


and Finally . . .


A new, young MD doing his residency in OB was quite embarrassed performing female pelvic exams. To cover his embarrassment he had unconsciously formed a habit of whistling softly. The middle-aged lady upon whom he was performing this exam suddenly burst out laughing and from his work and sheepishly said, "I'm sorry. Was I tickling you?" She replied, "No doctor, but the song you were whistling was 'I wish I was an Oscar Meyer Wiener..."

-- Dr. wouldn't admit his name

Survey.

I really don't do many of these but since I'm REALLY bored right now...

1. What's on your mind right now?
The minivan

2. Where is your biological father right now?
Idaho Falls... I wish he were living closer tho...

3. Have you ever made out in the woods?
a few times... not as fun as it sounds.

4. Which shoe do you put on first?
Left, almost without fail. There are those times tho that I end up putting my right sock on first... in which case, I would put the right shoe on first also.

5. Do you get distracted easily?
yeah... unless I'm programming...

6. What does the last text you received say?
Wow... I don't remember cuz it was about 5 or 6 years ago.

7. First time you kissed the last person you kissed?
Not sure... It's been a while too.

8. What was your childhood nickname?
bumper and yoshi

9. What would you change about your life right now?
Not a damn thing... I've worked way to hard for the things I have.

10. Have you ever bitten your nails?
Used to all the time till I saw what was under them pasted to a microscope tray... That will change your mind REALLY quick!

11. Do you live alone?
No... I live with my wife and stepchildren

12. Do you smoke?
I did for 18 years. Been sober for almost 8 months now.

13. What was the best year of your life?
2007, but I'm sure this year will top it. Life just keeps getting better.

14. Do you have any strange phobias?
Yeah... Cotton balls. I really can't touch them, they give me shivers up my spine and I get really nervous.

15. Are you happy with your living arrangement?
yeah, the house is huge and really nice, the kids are annoying, but they are good kids and then there's the wife... well, what can I say, she's definitely a woman.

16. Have you ever played the game Twister?
Used to love it when I was a kid, but haven't played since being an adult.

17. Last thing received in the mail?
cable bill

18. What color is your phone?
silver

19. Do you like your cellphone or do you want a new one?
it's a frikin phone... does it work? Then you don't need a new one!

20. Do you have trust issues?
Horribly.

21. Do you use smiley faces on the computer a lot?
every chance I get :)

22. Do you tend to rip the paper off water bottles?
no... Unless I have to be able to tell mine from someone else's then I try to tear it in a way that will leave a unique pattern.

23. Who was the last person you talked to on the phone?
Booboo.

24. Do you like to cuddle?
yeah, till I get too damn hot... then get the fuck away from me!

25.Have you ever hated some one, but ended up being friends?
Yup. My best friend from grade school was that person.

26. What was the last advice someone gave you?
Booboo "I dunno what to tell ya man"

27. Have you ever hurt anyone when you were mad?
yup.

28. Is it easier to forgive or forget?
forgive... try forgetting something really bad... it doesn't happen that easily.

29. Do you give out second chances too easily?
not anymore.

30. What is the most important thing in any relationship?
TRUST

31. Kiss with your eyes open or closed?
I like both, but try not to be discriminatory when using one or the other.

32. Do you have a best friend?
two.

33. Are you happy for your last ex?
happy for that bitch? not really.

34. Do you believe in love at first sight?
not for humans.

35. Would you live with someone without marrying them?
uh... NO! FK NO! Why the hell would you do that??

36. Ever had plans and broke them?
of course who hasn't

37. If you could fix one thing about you, what would it be?
I'm broke... doesn't that say enough?

38. Do you have a friend of the opposite sex that you talk to 24/7?
other than my wife... nope

39. Do you remember what you were like two years ago?
it's hard to say this but I was a smoker... nuff said.

40. Have you ever had a dream about people you love dying?
yeah...

41. Who was the last person you cried in front of?
probably my wife.

42. Have you ever shaved in the kitchen sink?
once or twice. not a habit I like.

43. Have you ever changed clothes in a vehicle?
LOL... only to avoid the police.

44. Where did you last go?
to campus to school

45. Do good things come to those who wait?
I'm still waiting... we'll see tho.

46. Was the last bed you slept in your own?
Yes

47. What was the last movie you watched?
transformers... i think

48. Relationships or Hook ups?
i've never had a "hook up" so I don't really know about them, but I'd say relationships.

49. Ever seen a dead body?
yup. Used to clean them up for the morgue.

50. When was the last time you saw the first person on your top friends?
This morning before she left for work.

51. How much older are you than your siblings?
I'm in the middle.

52. Would you kiss the last person you kissed again?
I kiss them all the time

53. What is in your wallet right now?
license, cards, and that is about it

54. To whom did you last give the finger to?
Probably my wife.

55. Favorite Color?
Blue and green

56. Next time you will kiss someone?
as soon as the wife walks thru the door.

57. What's your ringtone on your cell phone?
none

58. What color shirt are you wearing?
green

59. do you have a crazy side?
uh... you mean, do I have a normal side... NO.

60. What was the highlight of your week?
highlight... not sure there was one.

61. Whose car were you in last?
mine

62.What are you listening to?
the elevator ding.

63. Do you love anyone besides your family?
just mainly family

64. Where is your phone?
in my pocket

65. Miss one of your Exes?
yeah... unfortunately

66What color are your eyes?
Shit Brown

67. What is the last thing you bought?
Tint for my windows

68. When is your birthday?
dias de mayo

69. Doing anything tonight?
staying home.

70. Do you call anyone else's mom 'mom'?
Holy crap yes!! but only 1 other mom.

71. Do you like work?
uh... NO

72. Have you ever been arrested?
twice...

73. What are you doing tomorrow?
school

74. Phone or text?
email

75.Who were the last two people you hugged & why?
my children when I dropped them off at school.

It's all just a fucking illusion!

Just a fucking illusion

Do you know? Do you see what is real or just a lie?
Why is it that everyone is trying to get high?
We smoke, we drink, we kill ourselves slowly over time.
No money, broke again I spent my last ten on a dime.

Now on stage for a play I was thumbing thru my part
And I lost my script and I forgot my lines so this comes from the heart.
Everyone wants to tell you how to live your life
Well forget them and trust yourself and do what you think is right.

Cuz they’ll cast a spell so you can’t see what life is really about.
And they’ll sell their shit and you’ll buy it all without the slightest doubt.
You see the pressure comes when you’re very young to know what you want to be.
High school is when it starts, why can’t you see?

So you go to college, you’re not ready yet, your major is partying and getting laid,
You graduate. You get a job and within a week or two you get paid,
But with the credit cards and your student loans your debt encumbers you
And you meet someone, before you know it the two of you say “I do”

So you buy a house a brand new car, a couple of kids are due
Your babies are born, you work so much, they never really get to know you.
And then you and your wife drift apart from so much time away
You wonder when it all went wrong what happened on that day

Now alone and miserable you see your kids maybe once a week
Empty dreams, never seen guilty feelings are what you reap
She gets the house, you get the bills and half your pay goes to her
Always broke you realize you were wrong and you thought you were so sure.

So you look in the mirror and you shake your head at that man on the other side
You try to run, find a way to get off this crazy ride
Wondering what would have happened if instead you had pursued your dreams
Lost within your soul you are now coming apart at the seams.

Don’t you know, can’t you see that thru all of your confusion
The life they sold to you my friend, is just a fucking illusion!

FINALLY! De Verdad!!! (The Truth!!!)

12 Fuck You's for MySpace and the Internet!

Fuck You number ONE

OK PEOPLE STOP POSTING GOODNIGHTS ON MYSPACE. ITS NOT LIKE MYSPACE IS UR FUCKING HUSBAND OR WIFE TO SAY GOOD NIGHT DUMB ASS.


Fuck You number TWO


There is NO SUCH THING as a MySpace Tracker. It does NOT exist. So quit posting stupid bulletins like "OH-MY-GOD this WORKS!!!" No, it doesn't. Stupid Fuck.


Fuck You number THREE


To the people who have like 25,000 friends; Are you fucking serious? You're stupid. Go play in traffic.


Fuck you number FOUR

Don't ever post pictures and say: "OMG, I'm so ugly" because if you were, you wouldn't post them. If you do you're a retarded fuck.


Fuck you number FIVE

NOBODY cares about threats over the internet, so don't try to act hardcore with the keyboard. Fighting online is like racing in the Special Olympics; Even if you win, you're still fuckin retarded.


Fuck you number SIX

Quit crying because you're not on someones 'Top 8'. Who cares?!? ITS MYSPACE!!! If you really cared that much, you would pick up the damn phone!


Fuck you number SEVEN

Who really cares if I don't accept you as a friend? MOVE ON!!! Don't send me another request or message asking "What's up with you not adding me?" I don't want you as a friend, that's what's up, Asshole....


Fuck you number EIGHT

6th,7th and 8th graders who have MySpace and look like sluts, and act like whores; Go somewhere else because nobody wants you here.
And Parents -
Quit blaming MySpace for your kid being a hooker, she was a whore before MySpace, and she'd be a whore without it!
What does that say about your parenting skills?
Think about it!


Fuck you number NINE

If you have decided to read this, you are a true MySpace Friend. Real friends read their bulletins, except for the ones about those fucking ringtones....


Fuck you number TEN

Fuck number ten!


Fuck you number ELEVEN

If you open a bulletin and it says something like repost this in 100 seconds or a ghost will rape you tonight, or some dead bitch is going to rape your mom - quit being Retarded! Fuck You, it ain't happening!


Fuck you number TWELVE.

Myspace was created to keep up with friends. Quit trying to check up on your ex!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Come on, now you fuck, its called stalking...you might as well be sitting in front of their house with binoculars!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Things you never forget.

My fist clenches tighter and my hand bleeds more. Some things happen and no one knows the reason. And sometimes they don't have a reason. I release my fist. The shard of glass once gripped in my hand now drops to the floor. Blood continues to drip from my hand and wounded leg. I attempt to scream but a weak gasp for air is all that's heard. The tears burn my cheeks as they stream down. I can see no one. It's probably better that way. Maybe no one saw what happened. I turn and begin to walk away. My heart is still pounding feverishly and I can't seem to walk straight. It's getting darker as the sun begins to set. I've been walking for several minutes. I attempt another scream. It works this time but is cut short because the cold air burns my lungs. I can still smell the burnt flesh and my ears still echo the screams. At times like this I can only wish that I was deaf. No one can ever lose the images I have seen: the burnt bodies, screaming children, tortured women. I will never forget. I need to stop the bleeding. I can feel my heart begin to slow. I'll use my scarf. I'll wrap it tightly around my hand and use the rest for my leg. The blood seems to be the only warmth I feel right now. There is a hospital not far, if I could just make it there I know I would be safe.

Ouchies!

So for 8 hours yesterday I climbed stairs, carried boxes, lifted heavy shit, rearranged shelves... and on and on... today I am sore like a whore after her shift. I ache all over the place!

I must also tell you what happened the other day. My daughter called, the youngest whose 4, and she tells me that she got hurt all over. She's crying and obviously has been for a while so I play nice and ask her what happened. She proceeds to tell me, "I got hurt on my hand... (dramatic pause and more tears)... and on my finger... (another dramatic pause and more waterworks)... and all over!" When I asked my ex what happened she said she got a paper cut on her finger and since they didn't have any bandaids she was freaking out. I laughed hysterically. I love my baby girl so much! What a fun child!

I'd cover my fridge with vasoline!!

la niña araña

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GRRR!

There are few things that will irritate me like slow traffic. Case and point: It took me 45 minutes to drive 3 fkn miles down Chinden this morning! I finally gave up and came home. It would have taken me another 2 hours to get to school at that rate and I would have missed my first class anyway! BLAH! I hate the retarded drivers around here!

Who's the man?!?!

I think I've finally done it... finally done did it right. I have discovered the one gift that she will use at least once a week for the next several years. And it wasn't even that expensive. So I got her that and something for her desk and something to eat and something to stare at. That's it, all four items. And since I know she will read this sooner than Valentines day, I will not reveal what it is that I have gotten for her. I make you this one promise... if she doesn't like it, I will strangle the next person who asks me, "So, what are you getting your wife for..." You won't even get to finish the sentence because... *DEATH* Death sentence... That will be your fate. And you will be left wishing for the power of Christ.

Looking Back.

I just spent the better part of an hour looking at old videos of my first born, Jordan. It's really amazing how much he has changed, grown, and still makes me giggle. Watching those videos has a very unique way of giving you a glance into the past. Its wierd to think how far I've come since those days of immaturity and yet, I'm still very similar to the way I was 10 years ago. I still drink way too much mtn dew, I still love my children with all my heart and I will forever remember making Jordan cry by taking away his binky. I wish I had a camera still... oh the things I would put on video now. :) The kids are growing so fast and there are so many more memories that I would like to capture... and someday look back on. Even amidst all the chaos and speed of life, it's little moments like these that make you smile on a bad day.

How to Build a Snowflake

Larry O'Hanlon, Discovery News Jan. 18, 2008 -

- Two mathematicians have for the first time created a computer simulation that generates realistic three-dimensional snowflakes -- although even they aren't sure how it works.

"We know surprisingly little about how ice crystals grow," said Caltech physicist Ken Libbrecht, who is considered a leading expert in snow crystal physics.

Figuring out some of the details could perhaps teach physicists a lot about how nature "self-assembles" complex structures -- a trick that nano-engineers have been trying to learn in recent years, he said.

Mathematicians Janko Gravner of the University of California at Davis and David Griffeath of the University of Wisconsin-Madison avoided the old approach of virtually building the snow crystals molecule-by-molecule.

Instead, they used virtual 3-D cells much larger than water molecules, which behave according to the same physics thought to control crystal growth.

"This is kind of an intermediate approach," said Gravner. He and Griffeath created their virtual cells -- called cellular automata -- to be one cubic micron in size.

At that scale the cells, about the size of a speck of dust, mimic the physics of water vapor and crystalline growth.

They then ran the model many times to see what happened when they tweaked with temperatures and vapor pressures. The result was a wide variety of snow crystals -- including the complicated and stunning six-sided star crystals. Each crystal took about 24 hours to build using a powerful desktop computer, Gravner said.

"Some forms are easier to get than others," Gravner told Discovery News. In this way the model seems to reflect the predominant crystals seen in nature, he said.

"I think it's a real big advance since nobody was able to do it before," said Libbrecth. "People have tried to get realistic snowflakes and it just didn't work."

Those previous attempts tended to succeed up to a certain point, after which the virtual crystals would go nuts, probably because of errors that built up in the computations and overpowered the simulation, Libbrecht told Discovery News.

"These guys were able to generate some structures that were very well-behaved," said Libbrecht.

Their success is all the more interesting, said Libbrecht, because the details of the physics Gravner and Griffeath programmed into their model are not quite in line with what he and some other physicists think are going on in snow crystal formation.

So either the physicists have been wrong, Libbrecht said, or there's something about the modeling approach that allows it to work despite the physics. Either way, it's a bit of a mystery.

The Cruise

Gawd... where do I start. I hate the beginning, it seems so predictable, but I guess it really is the best place. I started getting nervous about 2 hours before the flight. The flight that would end in L.A. and was sure to give me the best view of the ocean I have ever had... well it would have, except that I got so fkn motion sick on the plane that I couldn't even focus, let alone enjoy the ocean. I got off the plane (a very long two hour flight) just to get onto a bus, an even longer 45 minute drive. I was already pretty tore up but this just made it worse. When the bus ride finally ended and I saw the cruise ship, that was when it really hit me. I'm going to be on a 13 fkn story Titanic, not just one day but all fkn WEEK! But, then I thought, nah... cuz this bitch has been sailing the ocean for nine fkn years, if something was gonna happen, it would have done so by now. So, on we go. That first few steps was awesome, then I started feeling the boat rocking and the motion sickness came back. Now let me just say to those fuckers who said, "it's not the size of the boat, it's the motion of the ocean" You retards ought to be drugged with crack and sleeping pills at the same time then sent out on a raft to enjoy the ocean. Fuck you. It's all about the size of the fucking boat. I promise you this. When you drag your happy ass onto a 13 story boat, the size is ALL that matters. FKN WOW!!! Oh, here's a pic...

There is really something about being on a boat that size. I know, it's really hard to imagine, but picture this with me if you will... see those itty bitty life boats toward the upper decks? Each one of those holds 150 people. Those fuckers are huge! And they look so tiny in comparison. Getting on and off was like walking into a sky-scraper that's a half mile long! I swear by the time you get from one end of this ship to the other you could have walked a full mile.
The ship was so lavish inside that it was like walking into a five star hotel. The staff was so nice and everyone treats you like a king.
The first several hours on the ship were just to acquaint ourselves with the area because it was like entering a new town. We did little other than eat the first night we were there. We got to watch the ship leave the port and we watched as the coastline disappeared into the sunset. If it gets more romantic than that, I'll have to see it to believe it.
Day two, Catalina... What a place! I don't think I'll ever go there again on purpose, but it was well worth visiting once. It was really kewl to rent a golf cart and just cruise around the island. That was a ton of fun and we saw a bunch of other things in the process. Such as the awesome view that you can only get from an island mountain. When you're surrounded by trees and a deep valley and off in the distance you can only see the sea, there is an awesome feeling derived from that. One of the things I noticed was that the sand was incredible there. It's not hard and packed like Idaho sand, it's warm and soft and perfect for beach volleyball or whatever you're into. We also saw some of the kewlest golf carts and some cars that looked like golf carts (like the mini). The shops were fun, but very pricey. Even still we had to buy some things to remember it with. And of course, we took lots of pictures.
Back on the ship that night for an evening of fine dining and entertainment. They hired a comedian who did a show, it was funny. I really get a kick out of watching a live comedian. It's the whole experience. What a blast. They also had a show with Vegas style dancers with stunning choreography and lots of lights and things that sparkle. It was fun to watch. I again, ate way too much this day as well. And I'm sure the room service at 1am right before bed didn't help anything either.
Day three. Not much different than day too... other than the place we were was much more of a shit hole. It looked like the run down parts of Idaho Falls. HA! Dirt roads and all! What a shit hole! I heard from a smart man and I finally understand what he meant when he said "The difference between L.A. and Mexico is that there are more Mexicans in L.A." He's right. We rented a car the size of a Tuna can and proceeded to putt around Mexico like a couple of tourists. It was awesome! We happened upon a shop selling marble chess sets, and had to have one! They are so kewl! And of course we bought more souvenirs than we really needed.
Day 4 was our day at sea. I've never eaten so much in my whole life! I ate enough to feed a third world country for weeks! We went to an art auction and saw another live show from a different comedian. This was the day we watched the dolphins swim beside the ship... well they could have been whales, cuz from 13 stories up it's hard to tell how big they really were. Everything looks tiny from that high! By this time in the trip I was on so much Dramamine that I couldn't have gotten motion sick from anything!
Day 5 was our return trip home and due to the Dramamine it was much better than the first flight. We spent forever in the airport waiting but finally got back to high ground.
The next day I was at Walmart and the cashier asked me how I was... come on, considering yesterday I was on a cruise ship, today fucking sucks!

Here are most of the pics from the honeymoon. Hope you enjoy (I don't really care if you don't, but I hope you do)