Dayz Go By...

I can feel them flyin', like my hand out the window in the wind.

So, I don't quite know how to take the response I got regarding the letter I wrote to the ex. She snickered at one part and didn't say anything regarding the rest of it. I feel a bit of relief just because it was some things that I just needed to get out. Weather or not those things fell on deaf ears and a blind eyes, I got it out and I feel better. I do wish tho, that I could have gotten something, anything more. I must also say that it is very strange working with her. We seem to be developing a very strange appearance of a friendship. We went to lunch yesterday and I must say that I enjoyed myself. Mostly because I was with the kids, but our conversation seemed to be very light and humorous. We were also emailing each other today while at work, that too, was very light and somewhat humorous. It is very strange. It's almost like an acquaintance, no more than that because, I usually don't email my acquaintances, but not quite friends. I don't know what to think... or how to respond. How can she be so nice and smiley, and turn around a stab me in the back by trying to keep the child support amount at 80% of my paycheck? I don't understand how you could smile and hug a friend and then with the knife in your right hand, stab them in the back, and THEN step back and ask them how their day is going. How can women be so vindictive. You must understand I am trying not to get a bad attitude from all of this but it is becoming more difficult. At work, I nod and ignore her most of the time, I do not wish to be "friends" with her. If I had my way, I would just as soon never talk to her again. I have an ex-gf that I see occasionally and don't mind terribly. I say hi, and how are you, and I am very polite as is she. But we broke up on much different ground, and neither of us was trying to stab the other. It is much different. The animosity accumulating between my ex-wife and I is becoming too much for me to bear, and although I realize I still love her, I think I love to hate her as well. Many days I would just as soon shove a knife up her (censored) and break the blade off just to grab a bigger one and do it again and again. I am full of hatred and a calming sense of realization. I do not anticipate getting over this soon but I would like to just live as if I were deaf dumb and blind, or maybe just dumb, cuz then I wouldn't freakin know the difference anymore... eh, screw me, I don't care cuz I don't know what your doin!
There seems to be a dull roar at work. A lot of mumbling and ramblings that you really can't understand and don't care about anyway. I am becoming enervated due to the dull agony caused by monotonousness and apathy, accompanied equitably by retardation and ignorance. I do not know the lengths that some morons go to, to become the absolute retards that they are, but it is unnerving. What scares me worse is that it is those retards that prepare my food at any number of local restaurants and clean the building that I work in. Many of those retards are people that I work with. I don't associate with those people because as my mother puts it, I am an intellectual snob. Hmm weird. ME? Snob? But alas yes, I have come to terms with it and I'm okay being a snob on occasion.